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Original poster

To RSVP again to wedding to say No - Cost of Living

66 replies

Confuseddotcom2022 · 30/08/2022 20:36

Originally invited to an abroad wedding back in 2020, planned for 2021 but was bumped to 2023 due to them having a baby as well as covid restrictions.
Attended their very instagram gender reveal and baby shower, providing gifts and 'joining in' even though the hosts barely spoke or acknowledged us. There was about 50 people there!
Fast forward and they've removed plus ones and family from the wedding invites due to the rising costs. Given that they've made no effort with us over the past 3 years, other than for us to go to their 2 parties, is it unreasonable to now decline the invite? We, like most people, will suffer from the rise in living costs. The cost of going for 4 days would still be in the region of 2grand!
I guess due to the lack of effort from them to see us, we are planning on phasing the friendship out anyway. Fortunately we got a full refund for the previously booked hotel, but are on the fence about going at all now.

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 31/08/2022 09:19

Don't go as it will cost a fortune and it sounds like you need to sort a babysitter now too.

It would be cheaper to send a gift voucher & champagne.

BaileySharp · 31/08/2022 09:20

I probably wouldn't go either. You probably don't need to say cost of living but I guess if they ask you can say it.

Hunkydory99 · 31/08/2022 09:28

I’d decline too OP. But I’d do it now/this week so they can’t say they’ve not had enough notice. You don’t have to go in to detail but if you want to, you can simply say the cost of living means you can’t afford to. I suspect people are already saying similar hence them already pleading with you to still attend. I really wouldn’t feel bad, they clearly don’t make much effort. Easier said than done tho.

SpinCityBlues · 31/08/2022 09:33

Of course you don’t have to go. Tell them the truth or invent a (watertight) excuse they can’t argue with, but decline NOW and you’ll feel relieved.

MajorCarolDanvers · 31/08/2022 09:34

I wouldn't think twice about declining.

ShirleyPhallus · 31/08/2022 09:35

Don’t go but don’t give them any of the bitchy responses suggested on this thread or blame the cost of living crisis, just politely decline!

girlmom21 · 31/08/2022 09:35

Decline. You don't need a reason or an excuse. You just won't be attending.

Flossie2shoes · 31/08/2022 09:35

Fuss over nothing. Drop them a note saying "thanks for the invite, unfortunately we can't make it" or - as most invites I've had recently give you the option to tick boxes on-line - do that. You don't need to give a reason or excuse.

chillipenguin · 31/08/2022 09:36

So have they reissued the invites? Tbh I'd just say you can't attend. No need to have an excuse

SleepingAgent · 31/08/2022 09:46

You don't need to give a reason or an excuse (and if you say cost of living, they sound the type to come back with "but whyyyyy haven't you been saving every penny to attend our event of the decade? Grin)

Just say you can no longer attend and wish them well.

Kitkatcatflap · 31/08/2022 09:51

Agree with the others, just send a note saying you are no longer able to attend and wish them well.

babyjellyfish · 31/08/2022 09:53

Them removing plus ones and family gives you the perfect excuse not to go.

Using your holiday days and family holiday budget to travel abroad on your own to attend a wedding your partner and kids aren't invited to?

That'll be a no thank you very much.

Trying20 · 31/08/2022 09:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 31/08/2022 10:19

If you don’t want to go, don’t. But do you really need to justify it to yourself by being sneery about their ‘very Instagram’ gender reveal parties and so on.

You’re trying to make your decision their fault. Just decline without the implication that it’s all just a big party for show and you not being willing to spend your money on it.

Pluvia · 31/08/2022 10:39

Send a friendly note saying something along the lines of 'so much has changed for us all since we first accepted your original wedding invitation and now sadly we find we're no longer able to attend. I wanted to give you plenty of notice to avoid any inconvenience. I know you'll have a wonderful time and I wish you many happy years together'.

If they push for a reason just say your circumstances have changed and refuse to say anything more. Everyone's circumstances are going to be affected over the next year and they may already be anticipating people pulling out.

SleeplessInEngland · 31/08/2022 10:41

A580Hojas · 30/08/2022 21:15

"Dear Bride & Groom, hope you are both well. We've had almost no contact over the last three years so I'm sure you'll understand that we've now decided not to come to your wedding in 2023. Of course it goes without saying we hope you have a wonderful day and a very happy life together, with love ..."

Why be that passive aggressive?

Just say it's due to cost of living, I'm sure you understand, so sorry etc.

Arbesque · 31/08/2022 10:49

A580Hojas · 30/08/2022 21:15

"Dear Bride & Groom, hope you are both well. We've had almost no contact over the last three years so I'm sure you'll understand that we've now decided not to come to your wedding in 2023. Of course it goes without saying we hope you have a wonderful day and a very happy life together, with love ..."

Why would they send a letter like that instead of a polite one?

toomuchlaundry · 31/08/2022 10:57

I would be mightily pissed off if I had booked a holiday for the whole family to attend the wedding and they then changed it to no partners etc and you couldn’t get a refund! Mind if is was going to cost £2k for just one person to go we wouldn’t have said yes in the first place! Assume they are expecting wedding presents on top of this.

Just decline

chillipenguin · 31/08/2022 11:03

Arbesque · 31/08/2022 10:49

Why would they send a letter like that instead of a polite one?

Show quote history

Yeah why be nasty people drift apart.

Trying20 · 31/08/2022 11:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

chillipenguin · 31/08/2022 11:04

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 31/08/2022 10:19

If you don’t want to go, don’t. But do you really need to justify it to yourself by being sneery about their ‘very Instagram’ gender reveal parties and so on.

You’re trying to make your decision their fault. Just decline without the implication that it’s all just a big party for show and you not being willing to spend your money on it.

I agree. There's no point dredging up the past. Just don't go.

Verbena1 · 31/08/2022 11:15

Politely decline and spend the money on something you will enjoy. Weddings are pretty overated anyway 😊

SpinCityBlues · 31/08/2022 11:53

Oh god this one's going to be in the Daily Mail isn't it?

user1471462428 · 31/08/2022 12:00

RSVP that you can’t go and put in 50 pound John Lewis voucher and Bob is your uncle.

I always decline wedding invitations as I find them tedious and never put a reason.

chillipenguin · 31/08/2022 12:04

user1471462428 · 31/08/2022 12:00

RSVP that you can’t go and put in 50 pound John Lewis voucher and Bob is your uncle.

I always decline wedding invitations as I find them tedious and never put a reason.

£50?! That's too much.