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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To RSVP again to wedding to say No - Cost of Living

66 replies

Confuseddotcom2022 · 30/08/2022 20:36

Originally invited to an abroad wedding back in 2020, planned for 2021 but was bumped to 2023 due to them having a baby as well as covid restrictions.
Attended their very instagram gender reveal and baby shower, providing gifts and 'joining in' even though the hosts barely spoke or acknowledged us. There was about 50 people there!
Fast forward and they've removed plus ones and family from the wedding invites due to the rising costs. Given that they've made no effort with us over the past 3 years, other than for us to go to their 2 parties, is it unreasonable to now decline the invite? We, like most people, will suffer from the rise in living costs. The cost of going for 4 days would still be in the region of 2grand!
I guess due to the lack of effort from them to see us, we are planning on phasing the friendship out anyway. Fortunately we got a full refund for the previously booked hotel, but are on the fence about going at all now.

OP posts:
Sunflowergin · 30/08/2022 20:38

It’s an invite not a summons is the go to response here on mumsnet I believe

and you clearly don’t like them so why would you want to go?

TolkiensFallow · 30/08/2022 20:38

Phase them out. Don’t feel bad. Just give them plenty of notice and say that you’re sorry but your financial circumstances have changed and you can no longer attend.

DwightShrutesYFronts · 30/08/2022 20:39

Hell no. Don't go. Don't give it another minute's thought. YANBU.

Soproudoflionesses · 30/08/2022 20:42

Definitely blow it out op and spend the money on something you want.

Commonhealthgames · 30/08/2022 20:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BendingSpoons · 30/08/2022 20:45

Decline. They probably won't be too bothered anyway if your friendship has fizzled out.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2022 20:47

Decline and don't give a reason, it's irrelevant.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 30/08/2022 20:51

No it's 3 years after you accepted, it's fine to now decline. Just do it straight away, then you can relax about it.

I wouldn't make any excuses or give any reasons, I'd just say that unfortunately you're no longer able to attend & wush them a lovely day.

WindyKnickers · 30/08/2022 20:53

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 30/08/2022 20:51

No it's 3 years after you accepted, it's fine to now decline. Just do it straight away, then you can relax about it.

I wouldn't make any excuses or give any reasons, I'd just say that unfortunately you're no longer able to attend & wush them a lovely day.

This. Definitely.

Kite22 · 30/08/2022 20:59

Perfectly reasonable to contact them now and let them know that you will not be able to attend their wedding. Do it now so they have plenty of notice.
Lives move on - it sounds like their have moved on a lot, and I suspect a lot of people's will have since they were first invited in 2020.

Beautiful3 · 30/08/2022 21:02

Literally years have passed since you accepted. Of course things have changed. Send a card to say, "Unfortunately due to the rising living costs, we will no longer be able to attend."

Wisteriaroundthedoor · 30/08/2022 21:06

You say they’ve been inviting you to their things. What have you been inviting them to and what effort have you made to invite them to things?

if you can’t afford to go say so. but it’s it’s Just you feel jealous they’ve lots of friends and you want attention I’d think carefully/

A580Hojas · 30/08/2022 21:08

You haven't been in touch with these people since their baby shower? When was that?

ChristmasSirens · 30/08/2022 21:08

Just decline. You don’t have to make a fuss about it.

GreenManalishi · 30/08/2022 21:09

we are planning on phasing the friendship out anyway.

If this is the case it's not the rising cost of living, you'd be rude to attend if this is the way you feel about them. Do them a favour and let them invite someone who actually likes them and wants to be there in your place. **

Original poster
Confuseddotcom2022 · 30/08/2022 21:12

@Wisteriaroundthedoor @A580Hojas we had our baby in lockdown number 1, when restrictions eased we invited them multiple times to meet up. They didn't or conveniently forgot plans. Therefore first time they say us and our child was at their party which we drove 2.5 hours to attend.
More cancelled meet ups since that point, but yet when we previously said about not attending (after another flaked on meet up last minute, which turned out to be because they got a better offer bot because their baby was sick), they pleaded with us to still come....
I didnt want to go in to that much detail but there you go.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 30/08/2022 21:14

Pleading is very odd. Just say no, hopefully they'll be so offended they won’t contact you again.

You really don’t seem to like them. Decline and forget them.

A580Hojas · 30/08/2022 21:15

"Dear Bride & Groom, hope you are both well. We've had almost no contact over the last three years so I'm sure you'll understand that we've now decided not to come to your wedding in 2023. Of course it goes without saying we hope you have a wonderful day and a very happy life together, with love ..."

LadyWithLapdog · 30/08/2022 21:16

Decline politely. You don’t need to tell them why. I’d be annoyed too with just making up the numbers.

sjxoxo · 30/08/2022 21:16

2 grand to go to someone’s wedding is insane imo. I wouldn’t expect any guests if that’s what it would be costing people! Definitely don’t go. You’re under no obligation, it’s just one day x

SimonaRazowska · 30/08/2022 21:20

Fair enough

bit don’t just say “cost of living” 🤨

keep it simple and polite and say that unfortunately you are now no longer able to attend and you are very sorry to miss it.

EkinWho · 30/08/2022 21:24

Decline politely and don't give it another thought.

BusyMum47 · 31/08/2022 09:04

Hell to the no! Just politely decline. No way I'd fork out 2grand to shlep abroad with a baby to a wedding of people that clearly aren't good friends! Screw that!! If they ditch you as a result...no loss. 🤷‍♀️

Shinyandnew1 · 31/08/2022 09:08

Fast forward and they've removed plus ones and family from the wedding invites due to the rising costs.

Are you saying your partner is no longer invited but you are?

Fortunately we got a full refund for the previously booked hotel, but are on the fence about going at all now.

How would you be going at all if you’ve cancelled your hotel?

OldEvilOwl · 31/08/2022 09:13

Don't go