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AIBU?

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Original poster

Using holidays at work to cover children's birthdays

105 replies

Felix125 · 30/08/2022 13:59

This keeps cropping up at work.

The boss tends to have a winge every now & then at so many people putting in holidays last minute due to children's birthdays.

His argument is that birthdays tend to fall on the same day each year and so we should be able to put holidays in well in advance.

My argument is - is not the actual birthday day which causes the problem, but the day of the party. And the day of the party can fall 2 weeks either side. This day can also be affected by other children's parties in and around the same day (as you don't want to clash with others) and having to cancel and re-book party events last minute. This is why parents need to be flexible as the party draws near.

But I always feel as though he just doesn't get it - or is it me being unreasonable....?

Suffice to say he doesn't have any children - so i don't think he sees it from my point of view. And can't see an issue with organising a party on a day that another party is planned for a child in the same class. "Make your party better, then no-one will turn up for the other one" - I don't see as a good way to do things.

OP posts:
Antarcticant · 30/08/2022 20:40

Do you have to mention that it's for your DC's birthday party? Just request to book 1st September or whatever in line with normal booking policy - your boss is not entitled to know what you want the day for.

Tee20x · 30/08/2022 20:44

Weird. I guess it depends where you work - my job is pretty flexible as I manage my own diary. If I put in a request for leave next week it would more than likely be approved. Never had a knock back.

If you know when your kids birthday is you could easily see if it was a weekday and then just book the weekend before/after off work & then cancel if the hall or whatever isn't free? Or just find a venue that is free on your leave date?

I've never heard of this being an issue.

Original poster
Felix125 · 31/08/2022 02:24

We work weekends

Like i say, its not a massive issue - it was just to see if other people sometimes have issues with their boss not fully understanding that booking time off for a kids birthday is not always straightforward and may be subject to last minute changes depending on issues with parties.

This in turn (sometimes) results in last minute 'asks' if we can have certain days off in two weeks time to cover the aforementioned party. If we can't, we can't - its not a problem.

So - for example - football party booked for next Saturday and all holidays booked at work in advance. Suddenly, the football centre phones to say the court is not now available, but the Saturday afterwards is. So what do we do?

Just cancel the party and not have one this year for our child - or - send our child to the party on the following Saturday on his own as both parents are working - or - ask the boss to see if we can get next Saturday off?

OP posts:
FakingMemories · 31/08/2022 02:49

Jesus Christ I’m glad I don’t work there. So much discussion and stress over the social lives of a bunch of primary-aged children. So much disruption in the workplace over whose party is when. No wonder the boss is fed up.

deeperthanallroses · 31/08/2022 04:28

I think being expected to book holidays a year in advance is really tough and this must just be one of many challenges that poses if they hold a firm line on that policy. (Is this the police?)

allow · 31/08/2022 04:37

It does annoy the hell out of me how many parents leave it until a few days before birthdays, school holidays etc etc to realise just how much they care about their children. These are very predictable events that can be planned for.

MissTrip82 · 31/08/2022 05:02

Can you swap shifts?

This is what we’ve had to do over the years when roster requests not granted or things change. We can’t book annual leave for a single day we have to take a week.

Enjoying all the replies from people who couldn’t grasp that some people work weekends. ‘Surely you just work your usual 9 to 5 sat on your bottom answering emails and then enjoy full evenings and weekends with your family’ hahahahahahah.

rwalker · 31/08/2022 05:38

The reason for leave is irrelevant it’s ether a yes or a no he needs to grow a pair

sounds like he’s pressured into a yes because of the reason given

KweenieBeanz · 31/08/2022 06:10

Felix125 · 31/08/2022 02:24

We work weekends

Like i say, its not a massive issue - it was just to see if other people sometimes have issues with their boss not fully understanding that booking time off for a kids birthday is not always straightforward and may be subject to last minute changes depending on issues with parties.

This in turn (sometimes) results in last minute 'asks' if we can have certain days off in two weeks time to cover the aforementioned party. If we can't, we can't - its not a problem.

So - for example - football party booked for next Saturday and all holidays booked at work in advance. Suddenly, the football centre phones to say the court is not now available, but the Saturday afterwards is. So what do we do?

Just cancel the party and not have one this year for our child - or - send our child to the party on the following Saturday on his own as both parents are working - or - ask the boss to see if we can get next Saturday off?

Well first up, you raise hell with the venue because if you booked it, it can't suddenly 'not be available', they are messing you around presumably because someone else has now asked for that day.
And if there really is some sort of emergency closure (surely an extremely rare occurrence? I've only known one party ever get moved in this way) then you say no we can't do the next Saturday have you got one in 5-6 weeks time? Or you try and book a different venue etc?

chillipenguin · 31/08/2022 06:37

He doesnt need to know why you want the holiday. Would he act the same if it was for a sporting fixture?

Phos · 31/08/2022 07:10

Im more surprised it’s possible to book and rebook like that, venues get fully booked way in advance here!

perhaps better communication with other parents. We have a list of kids birthdays so if anyone was to arrange a party near another’s birthday they’d get in touch and check and/or offer to share.

Nobetterthansheoughttobe · 31/08/2022 07:17

Felix125 · 30/08/2022 13:59

This keeps cropping up at work.

The boss tends to have a winge every now & then at so many people putting in holidays last minute due to children's birthdays.

His argument is that birthdays tend to fall on the same day each year and so we should be able to put holidays in well in advance.

My argument is - is not the actual birthday day which causes the problem, but the day of the party. And the day of the party can fall 2 weeks either side. This day can also be affected by other children's parties in and around the same day (as you don't want to clash with others) and having to cancel and re-book party events last minute. This is why parents need to be flexible as the party draws near.

But I always feel as though he just doesn't get it - or is it me being unreasonable....?

Suffice to say he doesn't have any children - so i don't think he sees it from my point of view. And can't see an issue with organising a party on a day that another party is planned for a child in the same class. "Make your party better, then no-one will turn up for the other one" - I don't see as a good way to do things.

Another 'the whole world should revolve around me and my children even if it's completely untenable, selfish and inconvenient for everyone else' whinges.
Reread it and think about how as a boss, you would manage short-notice random days off, particularly with a predominately female workforce

Safari234 · 31/08/2022 07:17

Your issue should be with the venue not work. They shouldn't take bookings they can't honour. You should find a venue that won't mess you about then you won't need to ask to change shifts.

Antarcticant · 31/08/2022 07:21

chillipenguin · 31/08/2022 06:37

He doesnt need to know why you want the holiday. Would he act the same if it was for a sporting fixture?

Yes - I said this earlier - the OP hasn't explained why he needs to know. Surely you don't have to give a reason for booking annual leave? I've had to use numerous annual leave booking processes over the years, from a simple email to the manager to software you need a degree in computer engineering to navigate Grin , but I've never had to give a reason.

SarahSissions · 31/08/2022 07:25

I think he’s starting to warn you that last minute requests will start to not always be allowed.
you have to ask for annual leave, it’s not always possible to accommodate. If you keep on doing it last minute he’s likely to either start declining it or put in a rule that AL has to be booked a certain amount of time in advance.

prepared101 · 31/08/2022 07:26

I've been a full time working parent for 15 years and can safely say this has never been a problem.

I always booked the kids' birthdays off when they were in nursery and then a half day to work around school once they were a bit older. Party always on a weekend day the weekend before or after the birthday but booked at least a month or so in advance. Only had one party cancelled/postponed and that was July 2020!

HikingBoots · 31/08/2022 07:28

I don't have kids, but have literally never heard of this being a thing! I'm sorry to say it all sounds so bloody provincial.

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2022 07:30

its the day when the party has been arranged is where you need 'all hands on deck' from both parents/family etc etc

I've never had this experience either. Why do you need help from both parents & family?

I'm a single parent so it was just me as the organising parent at parties, when I could afford to do them.

But even where there were both parents, many times only one parent was there if the other was working.

I think you seem to make a really big drama about parties.

JustALittleHelpPlease · 31/08/2022 08:58

Do you know your working pattern in advance, are you on fixed shifts? I've always booked parties for days I know I won't be working or added a "not available" where shifts patterns change.

However surely each child only has a party for a few years, very young is usually a few family members for the birthday tea time, once they are older parties are not a thing. Reasonably I'd say maybe 5 years per child of parties that affect work? How is this impacting everyone so much?

I'll be honest it has never been something that has come up either for myself (4dc) or for colleagues in the places ive worked with parebts of young children. It does seem peculiar.

Original poster
Felix125 · 02/09/2022 02:38

Perhaps at present we have a young shift with a lot of young children.

Its not a massive issue - just every now and then it happens. And its sods law that it all happens at the wrong time for people.

OP posts:
Krabapple · 02/09/2022 04:40

Surely you can have whatever day you want off as long as it doesn’t leave them short staffed?

Canthave2manycats · 04/09/2022 00:13

Antarcticant · 30/08/2022 20:40

Do you have to mention that it's for your DC's birthday party? Just request to book 1st September or whatever in line with normal booking policy - your boss is not entitled to know what you want the day for.

^^ This.

None of your boss's business what you want a day's leave for. If the request is submitted within the agreed timescale, I fail to see his problem!

Each of my three children had one 'all the class' party in the local leisure centre. You could only book it a month in advance. I had to change DD1's because one of her classmates had booked the same day (the actual birthday) and sent invitations out ridiculously early! It does happen!

Banana2079 · 04/09/2022 01:29

You are being unreasonable. You have all year to arrange a kids party why put leave in at the last min
surely if you book a venue you will do it at least a month or 2 in advance
at the end of the day for employers service provision comes first
employers shouldn’t have to bend over backwards over birthdays

SeemsSoUnfair · 04/09/2022 01:36

Dont see the problem. You ask for a holiday with the agreed notice and terms on your contract. He can decline your holiday if unsuitable for the business. The reason for your holiday is irrelevant, if the date is important to you you make sure you book/plan well in advance. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Pics · 04/09/2022 10:31

You book the party for a day when you are responsible for your children. If it has to move, you move it to the next day you are at home.
You can request leave, but I don't understand why anyone needs a day off for a party unless they work 7 days a week and never have responsibility for childcare.