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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband Climbing

66 replies

939300EJL · 29/08/2022 23:00

So husband is off to the Alps tomorrow climbing…I thought he was going to Fontanbleu…communication is rubbish as it has been for thirty years!!
He genuinely keeps me in the dark with plans and I have to fucking quiz him to know what he is doing!
So tonight I asked him exactly where he is going !! He is climbing Mont Blanc ..he is 65 ! Very commendable but also not sensible because he only told me tonight,the adult children were not aware …I asked him where his Will is if he has an accident…he doesn’t know where it is !!
Am I unreasonable to expect husband to be sensible and know where the paperwork is if there is a problem and communicate his plans !! Children pissed off that he hasn’t told them what he is doing!!
And no am not a gold digger but surely a sensible person of his age should be more diligent with communication !!

OP posts:

SherbertLemons · 29/08/2022 23:15

YANBU. I mean what an achievement if he does it (I presume he is a very experienced climber to attempt it in the first place) but Jeez not telling you or your family is very off. It's bloody dangerous and not like he is popping off to the Lakes for the weekend or Scotland to clime a UK Peak.

If you did your wills with a solicitor (which You hopefully have, they usually store the originals) but do check, and his life insurance covers him. What an adventurous tit! Lol

Unihorn · 29/08/2022 23:18

Considering that the French government are now attempting to curb Mont Blanc climbs due to the increased deaths and injuries, then YANBU!

DiscoBadgers · 29/08/2022 23:18

I know this isn’t the point but if he dies intestate it would all go to you so you’d be fine.

Apl · 29/08/2022 23:22

DiscoBadgers · 29/08/2022 23:18

I know this isn’t the point but if he dies intestate it would all go to you so you’d be fine.

But it can take a year for the money to come through and in the meantime if she needs access to money in his accounts tonoay mortgage or whatever thats not very helpful is it?

OP there is still time to scribble a quick will and get the neighbours to sign it as witnesses. Doesn’t need to be complicated.

In general climbing a major mountain at age 65 seems pretty dumb but that doesn’t help now. I can see why he didn’t tell you!

Dinoteeth · 29/08/2022 23:23

A bit morbid Op.
The avoidance of the whole 'your too old, your not good enough, what if you die, you shouldn't do it' conversations is probably the exact reasons why he hasn't said anything.

More people die on Ben Nevis every year than on Mt Everest. Yet nobody will tell people not to go near Ben Nevis.

Original poster

939300EJL · 29/08/2022 23:26

@SherbertLemons ….thank you . Husband is so obsessed with climbing that it makes him so bloody self absorbed.Great he is so fit but he is also not sensible with his responsibilities!
He is leaving at 7 so I guess I will just have to hope he is ok !!
It was only this evening that I insisted that he gives me a time line of where he will be ….am actually really angry with his irresponsible approach to this trip!!
He is asleep now so don’t want to upset the apple cart . Just was interested in what other people thought!

OP posts:

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 29/08/2022 23:31

I thought the two main routes and the huts on Mont Blanc had been closed due to the weather but looks like they have been reopened

https://www.ukclimbing.com/news/2022/08/mont blancchuts tooreopen-73127

Has he got a spare €15k?

https://amp.theguardian.com/world/2022/aug/04/french-mayor-mont-blanc-climbers-rescue-funeral-deposit

hamstersarse · 29/08/2022 23:37

My partner is a climber and has done various Mont Blanc climbs
They are not all on the same route - he could be doing anything in terms of the level of the climb.

Most climbers die in their 20's when they are young and reckless and don't properly scope out the conditions. He'll be most likely fine - and the worst case is probably more the cost of a rescue helicopter if the waether turns unexpectedly.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 29/08/2022 23:38

I'm a bit "meh" about this. I'm an outdoor pursuitist, grown up with climbers, mountain bikers, skiers, mountaineers... yes, I've climbed in the Alps, although not Mont Blanc.

He should have his paperwork in order though.

Pallisers · 29/08/2022 23:39

Just was interested in what other people thought!

I think climbers (well male climbers) are some of the most self-absorbed and self-obsessed people you will find. At any age. But I admit personal experience may have made me prejudiced.

Original poster

939300EJL · 29/08/2022 23:44

Dinoteeth · 29/08/2022 23:23

A bit morbid Op.
The avoidance of the whole 'your too old, your not good enough, what if you die, you shouldn't do it' conversations is probably the exact reasons why he hasn't said anything.

More people die on Ben Nevis every year than on Mt Everest. Yet nobody will tell people not to go near Ben Nevis.

I think you have missed the point…point is that better communication and a proper discussion about his trip before late this evening would have been better,rather than me teasing out info last minute!! He is a very confident climber and probably the most skilled for his age group but my reservation is that he is obviously not as brilliant as he was 10 years ago …definitely have not said he is too old or not good enough but the risks increase for any sport the older you get !!
Have tried getting information over the last few weeks and not very forthcoming….bloody frustrating TBH !

OP posts:

Dinoteeth · 29/08/2022 23:47

I haven't missed the point.
The point is WHY did he not want to tell you what he was up to? He clearly didn't want anyone trying to put him off.

UWhatNow · 29/08/2022 23:47

Pallisers · 29/08/2022 23:39

Just was interested in what other people thought!

I think climbers (well male climbers) are some of the most self-absorbed and self-obsessed people you will find. At any age. But I admit personal experience may have made me prejudiced.

Agreed. How they get women to marry and put up with them is baffling…

bellac11 · 29/08/2022 23:48

Apl · 29/08/2022 23:22

But it can take a year for the money to come through and in the meantime if she needs access to money in his accounts tonoay mortgage or whatever thats not very helpful is it?

OP there is still time to scribble a quick will and get the neighbours to sign it as witnesses. Doesn’t need to be complicated.

In general climbing a major mountain at age 65 seems pretty dumb but that doesn’t help now. I can see why he didn’t tell you!

Show quote history

I think this might be one of the posts that was on the 'crap mumsnet advice' thread

Just off on my hols dear, whats that, you want me to quickly scribble out a will? Ok, hold my luggage a second, I'll jot it down on the back of that envelope over there.

Original poster

939300EJL · 29/08/2022 23:48

Pallisers · 29/08/2022 23:39

Just was interested in what other people thought!

I think climbers (well male climbers) are some of the most self-absorbed and self-obsessed people you will find. At any age. But I admit personal experience may have made me prejudiced.

Yes I think that is how it is with my husbands friends !! All ok in your 30s but they are all into their 60s now!! It’s the poor communication which has really pissed me off TBH !

OP posts:

bellac11 · 29/08/2022 23:50

OP, he should have told you were he was going on holiday but equally like someone else says, he probably knew the reaction he would get and didnt want all the doom and gloom

I dont understand what you mean by irresponsible, is he going to climb up in sandals or something?

SeasonFinale · 29/08/2022 23:50

DiscoBadgers · 29/08/2022 23:18

I know this isn’t the point but if he dies intestate it would all go to you so you’d be fine.

No it would not - it would be distributed in accordance with the Intestacy Rules and spouses don't always get everything

Original poster

939300EJL · 29/08/2022 23:54

Dinoteeth · 29/08/2022 23:47

I haven't missed the point.
The point is WHY did he not want to tell you what he was up to? He clearly didn't want anyone trying to put him off.

In our 30 year marriage I have never stopped him from doing anything!! Just think that he could have been more transparent with his trip and be more responsible regarding the family…ie what his route is and at least know where hiss bloody will is if the worst case scenario happened!! It’s common sense surely 🤔

OP posts:

bellac11 · 29/08/2022 23:55

939300EJL · 29/08/2022 23:54

Show quote history

I like the way you think positively!!!

And you're wondering why he didnt say anything!

Original poster

939300EJL · 29/08/2022 23:59

bellac11 · 29/08/2022 23:50

OP, he should have told you were he was going on holiday but equally like someone else says, he probably knew the reaction he would get and didnt want all the doom and gloom

I dont understand what you mean by irresponsible, is he going to climb up in sandals or something?

No he has absolutely the right gear and I would never say no….it’s the poor communication that has annoyed me and kids ! We would have been happy if he had been more transparent and given us a route etc…maybe my expectations are too high!

OP posts:

Rilo · 30/08/2022 00:02

YABU for overuse of ellipses…and exclamation marks!!!

Pallisers · 30/08/2022 00:03

OP, he should have told you were he was going on holiday but equally like someone else says, he probably knew the reaction he would get and didnt want all the doom and gloom

so that's ok then. He didn't want the "doom and gloom" so ok not to tell his wife what he was doing. I'm sure you are ok with this level of communication in your marriage Bellac11 -given your post - but I wouldn't be and OP clearly isn't either and tbh most people would quite like to know where their spouse is actually going on holidays and what they are doing when they get there. It isn't an out-there concept.

bellac11 · 30/08/2022 00:03

939300EJL · 29/08/2022 23:59

Show quote history

I would say its pretty thoughtless generally not to inform someone of where you're going on holiday, particularly if you live with that person and have children with them

But you keep saying things like 'I wouldnt say no', like as if you even have the right to say no!

And you keep talking about wills and 'worse case scenario'.

So I sort of get that he just didnt want the hassle of that conversation.

Having said that you say that his communication is generally bad so its obviously just the way he is and you accept that otherwise you wouldnt be with him.

He could just as easily be harmed rocking up to benidorm or somewhere.

How come you dont know where the wills are anyway, it must be with yours or you know where the solicitors are surely?

Original poster

939300EJL · 30/08/2022 00:08

bellac11 · 29/08/2022 23:55

I like the way you think positively!!!

And you're wondering why he didnt say anything!

Show quote history

Am actually being sensible and responsible!! Most sensible people make sure that if they are doing something risky they ensure that everything is in place…it’s not rocket science!
@bellac11 you obviously don’t understand my frustrations and anxiety.

OP posts:

Original poster

939300EJL · 30/08/2022 00:12

Rilo · 30/08/2022 00:02

YABU for overuse of ellipses…and exclamation marks!!!

Crikey never new exclamation marks were offensive…thank you for your contribution 😂

OP posts:

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