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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband Climbing

66 replies

939300EJL · 29/08/2022 23:00

So husband is off to the Alps tomorrow climbing…I thought he was going to Fontanbleu…communication is rubbish as it has been for thirty years!!
He genuinely keeps me in the dark with plans and I have to fucking quiz him to know what he is doing!
So tonight I asked him exactly where he is going !! He is climbing Mont Blanc ..he is 65 ! Very commendable but also not sensible because he only told me tonight,the adult children were not aware …I asked him where his Will is if he has an accident…he doesn’t know where it is !!
Am I unreasonable to expect husband to be sensible and know where the paperwork is if there is a problem and communicate his plans !! Children pissed off that he hasn’t told them what he is doing!!
And no am not a gold digger but surely a sensible person of his age should be more diligent with communication !!

OP posts:
PauliesWalnuts · 30/08/2022 00:20

That’s a bit naughty, and I say that as a climber. MB is a world apart from Font. If he can do it fair play to him but I’d never not tell my partner, especially as conditions over there can be a bit sketchy at the moment. I’d make sure he has specialist travel insurance from the BMC before he goes - standard travel insurance almost certainly won’t cover him and at least BMC will cover for a certain altitude and emergency recovery/helivac if need be. That sort of stuff can be expensive - we had someone airlifted from Gorak Shep to Kathmandu with altitude sickness and his insurance didn’t cover the 1hr chopper flight - luckily he had enough room in his credit card to pay for the £8000 flight.

Original poster
939300EJL · 30/08/2022 00:21

Rilo · 30/08/2022 00:02

YABU for overuse of ellipses…and exclamation marks!!!

Did you mean ellipsis ?
My father is a retired editor for a national newspaper ..shall ask him his opinion 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
939300EJL · 30/08/2022 00:24

PauliesWalnuts · 30/08/2022 00:20

That’s a bit naughty, and I say that as a climber. MB is a world apart from Font. If he can do it fair play to him but I’d never not tell my partner, especially as conditions over there can be a bit sketchy at the moment. I’d make sure he has specialist travel insurance from the BMC before he goes - standard travel insurance almost certainly won’t cover him and at least BMC will cover for a certain altitude and emergency recovery/helivac if need be. That sort of stuff can be expensive - we had someone airlifted from Gorak Shep to Kathmandu with altitude sickness and his insurance didn’t cover the 1hr chopper flight - luckily he had enough room in his credit card to pay for the £8000 flight.

Thank you .He does have full insurance from BMC and climbed in Kathmandu two years ago ! Am just frustrated by his poor communication..am off to bed now.
Thank you for your helpful reply.X

OP posts:
unfortunateevents · 30/08/2022 00:25

Apart from the mountain climbing, you should know where your wills are anyway! One of you might get run over by a bus tomorrow and you would be in the same position.

Original poster
939300EJL · 30/08/2022 00:29

unfortunateevents · 30/08/2022 00:25

Apart from the mountain climbing, you should know where your wills are anyway! One of you might get run over by a bus tomorrow and you would be in the same position.

Exactly!!

OP posts:
notnownorma · 30/08/2022 00:30

939300EJL · 30/08/2022 00:21

Did you mean ellipsis ?
My father is a retired editor for a national newspaper ..shall ask him his opinion 😊

Show quote history

Ellipses is the plural. I'm not an editor of anything but it's standard general knowledge afaiac.

viques · 30/08/2022 00:34

Forget about the will , ask him who his travel insurance is with.

Original poster
939300EJL · 30/08/2022 00:39

notnownorma · 30/08/2022 00:30

Ellipses is the plural. I'm not an editor of anything but it's standard general knowledge afaiac.

Show quote history

Hope that has cheered you up …thank you 😊

OP posts:
Emptyandsad · 30/08/2022 09:14

My brother does an adventurous sport and before every trip I get a text with the details of where he's going, when he's due to be back to civilisation and his specialist insurance.

He also has a satellite locator so he can send me (or the emergency services) a ping of exactly where he is, with a brief text message. So, "just landed at map reference, all good"

Seems like a simple way to
a. Provide reassurance
b. Provide useful information should shit hit the fan

KimberleyClark · 30/08/2022 09:32

I thought this was going to be a thread about being married to someone really tall like Greg Davies or Richard Osman.

JubileeTissues · 30/08/2022 10:11

Where is your will OP? Presumably stored with his at the same solicitors?

BodenCardiganNot · 30/08/2022 10:14

Do you not have a joint will?

Remainiac · 30/08/2022 10:17

How old are your “kids” OP? How has he paid the €15k rescue/recovery deposit without you knowing?

Malie · 30/08/2022 10:19

As they have been recent fatalities of people doing this sort of thing the French government have asked for a deposit in case people need rescuing. I hope he’s got proper climbing gear as it’s not a hike but a proper climb. He sounds most irresponsible if he’s not even told you he’s going and left provision for you

Malie · 30/08/2022 10:22

I must confess I was grateful to my other half to have a £25,000 life insurance when started going to dodgy parts of the world as did not want me to be left on my own without any provision. Worth a bit more then!

AlexandriasWindmill · 30/08/2022 10:23

Your over use of exclamation marks make it seem as though you're frantic all the time. If that's your approach in RL then it makes it slightly more understandable that your DH doesn't relish conversations with you about any of this.

yy he should have told you his route earlier. But you're both responsible for knowing where the wills are kept and whether or not they've been updated. Actually, even if he didn't climb. You both should know where the wills are kept and your DCs (or a third party) should know too in case something happens to both of you.

Unescorted · 30/08/2022 10:29

I assume you are his ICE contact? When I am an ICE I expect all the details.... Time to expect them back, route, who they want me to contact, insurance details, local to them contacts, embassy contacts & spot tracker links.

Even when they are just going for a local day trip I get a text to say where they are going and at what time they want me to call MR and family to notify of a non return.

If things go wrong it saves their life and reduces the risk of injury or death of any rescuers...it is not doom and gloom. It is stupidity not to leave details.

A climb up MB is full details trip. If I found out that I was the ICE without them I would be fuming.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 30/08/2022 10:36

939300EJL · 29/08/2022 23:26

@SherbertLemons ….thank you . Husband is so obsessed with climbing that it makes him so bloody self absorbed.Great he is so fit but he is also not sensible with his responsibilities!
He is leaving at 7 so I guess I will just have to hope he is ok !!
It was only this evening that I insisted that he gives me a time line of where he will be ….am actually really angry with his irresponsible approach to this trip!!
He is asleep now so don’t want to upset the apple cart . Just was interested in what other people thought!

Buy him a climbing frame and put it in the garden, then you can keep an eye on him.

dockspider · 30/08/2022 10:40

DH and I are both climbers and have both climbed Mt Blanc several times.

Yes I would be very annoyed about the lack of comms!

dockspider · 30/08/2022 10:43

That said, because there’s lots of undue stressing on this thread, there are two quite straightforward routes up Mt Blanc and if he’s been climbing for years then presumably he is sensible about the conditions etc. Many climbers in their 60s/70s in the Alps, and most of them in much better shape then me in my 30s!

Theendofnature · 30/08/2022 10:43

I'm a lone ultra runner and give detailed comms when I run just locally!

He does sound like he knows what he's doing but needs to tell you too.

Theendofnature · 30/08/2022 10:44

Yes he will be vastly experienced presumably and his age probably works to his advantage, good for him, brilliant but yes does need to let you know his details!

InWalksBarberalla · 30/08/2022 10:47

Dinoteeth · 29/08/2022 23:23

A bit morbid Op.
The avoidance of the whole 'your too old, your not good enough, what if you die, you shouldn't do it' conversations is probably the exact reasons why he hasn't said anything.

More people die on Ben Nevis every year than on Mt Everest. Yet nobody will tell people not to go near Ben Nevis.

You can't meaningfully compare absolute deaths. Around 1% percent of people who have attempted to summit Everest have died. Way, way higher chance of dying on Everest than on Ben Nevis.

SunnyD44 · 30/08/2022 10:48

He absolutely should have told you but I can see why he didn’t.

Everyone should know where their will is but fgs you wouldn’t ask someone that just before they’re doing a risky climb!

When someone goes in for surgery you say everything is going to be fine, not where is your will or can I have your car if you die! Jeez!

Text him and apologise.
Say good luck and that you’re routing for him.

If anything did happen to him you’ll never forgive yourself for sounding like you care more about the will than him not letting you know his plans.

Unescorted · 30/08/2022 10:52

No you do ask them for the details if they haven't given them to you. Climbers know they are doing a dangerous sport. If they are getting the collywobbles because you bring it up the night before they should give the trip a second thought. Otherwise that moment of realisation could hit as they are half way up a pitch.... putting their climbing partner at risk.

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