To bugger off on a secret break??

[WhereshouldIgo]

My question is AIBU? And if it WHERE would you go??

DP is taking kids off for 2 weeks in October for an overseas family visit.
I will be staying, to WFH.

this has NEVER happened and eldest is 13. I am besides myself with the potential luxury of being home alone…

BUT. I’m really tempted to do something to —- along the lines of a health retreat, or spa break or city visit, U.K. or Europe for a few days, 5 days or so. and not tell DP til after … I can afford about £1k max - where would you go??? What would you do?

I’ll tell DP after, I just don’t want anyone raining on my potential parade as in theory I’m not doing family trip to save ££ and holiday time. Though the main reason is - I just don’t want to spend time/money on that trip ( we go enough as a family…)

Depends what your after.

Bit of culture, museums and art galleries, range of foods - UK or Europe city break.

Peace and quiet - nice cottage in the countryside or the coast.

I've done similar and went for the rural retreat!

are you saying that your DP is under the impression you're not going on the family trip to save money and work holidays, but you plan to go away anyway by yourself? Therefore DP will be aware you lied to him about the real reason you don't want to go on this trip? I'd be annoyed if my DP did that to me.

@lancsgirl85 no, DPnknows I just don’t want to go. Spend a bloody fortune traipsing to see family. And I’m talking a long weekend not 14 days.
if anyone has been on an amazing health retreat or spa in the U.K., Noe’s the time to tell me!

Hmm, you're opting out of a family vacation to save money, and yet you want to take a mini break while family is gone, and not tell them.

Not good optics, If I were DH or kids, I would be very upset when I found out.

I didn't read properly - yeah I don't think you can say you didn't go on the family trip to save money and AL, and then go off by yourself- and expect your DH to be fine with it.

Why weren't you just upfront about what you wanted?

Would your 13 year old be going with you?

Wondering about Whitstable, not been in years… fancy somewhere where I can swim in the sea or rivers, or maybe with a pool…
I know I said I was asking if I was BU but I think if I could find something lovely I would just go for it!
otherwise, I’ll stay in my local town and just pack as many nights out as possible in!!

OK. So he knows you don't want to go. But you've also told him you're doing it to save money and work holidays? Which is dishonest if you're planning on going away by yourself. It's the way you say "I'll tell DP after" too. Just seems a bit underhanded to me. Personally I'd be unhappy if my DP didn't just tell me honestly up front what he was planning.

‘Why weren't you just upfront about what you wanted?’

its only just occurred to me that I could go and do something… haven’t had a non-kid holiday in a very long time and haven’t been at home alone since the kids came along.

I want to suggest something, but I'm giddy on your behalf at the thought of just taking off, and too many possibilities are fighting for supremacy inside my head!

P. S. Just tell your DH you might visit a spa for a day or two, but don't go into detail. That way the potential for upset will not ruin your trip!

‘Hmm, you're opting out of a family vacation to save money, and yet you want to take a mini break while family is gone, and not tell them.’

its £3k+’for me to join them and we’ve just been. And we went at Xmas. The £1k ish will be paid from my savings but we have no money issues luckily thanks to both having good jobs.

I think I would go to a nice city and have a day in a posh city spa, then a couple of days sightseeing and gallery/museum/nice restauranting and going to the theatre. Bath, or Edinburgh or somewhere.

I would be utterly livid if my DH did that to me. Not the having a break to themselves with their own savings part....the pre meditated planning and going behind my back. Why not just tell him you might treat yourself to a weekend spa break while they're away?

My personal choice would be day trips. I wouldn't waste a single minute of BEING IN MY HOUSE ON MY OWN.

I'd get a cleaner for a one-off deep clean a few days before they all went, or the day they left.

On various days I'd go to -
-Thames Lido for their swim, food and massage package (a short walk from Reading Station)
-National Theatre matinee for a new play
-Birmingham Jewellery Quarter and maybe buy myself a pendant

In that case I think you are better saying to DP that's it just occurred to you, and you are thinking of doing xxxx rather telling him afterwards.

If you want to swim in the rivers and sea, there's a wild swimming page on Facebook that might give some inspiration.

Budapest for a spa trip if there's cheap flights to be had? They're famous for their mineral baths.

I would tell my DP but very casually 'oh a great deal came up for this spa break whilst you're away so I'm taking advantage' if that was my DP he'd be supportive but would be upset if I didn't tell him and sneaked off.

Chewton Glen in glorious.

DH and I had a trip scheduled to Manchester for a work conference for me, we arranged childcare and were going to ride up together on his motorbike.
We got about 100miles from home and stopped at services, the weather was bad, and we had had a near miss with an hgv. So we decided not to go to conference.
We booked an air BnB on the coast and snuck off together for a night away. We didn't tell anyone until last year.
It's one of our fondest memories as a couple.

Yadnbu. Have a wonderful time!

Ooohhh… thanks gang, some great suggestions. Yes I am a bit giddy. For the first 10 years of DCs lives DP had a job with travel 1-2 weeks a month travelling biz class while I worked FT and held everything together at home.
I have ZERO guilty feelings about spending my money and treating myself while the fam are away from a couple of weeks.

@PermanentTemporary I feel you! Thames Lido sounds good, never heard of it…

I don't think anyone thinks you should feel guilty for treating yourself. It's just odd to me how it's all so secretive. Why not tell him your plans in advance?

Just be vague with DP and say you might go for a spa day or something......I doubt my dh would even ask me what I'd been up to in his absence so you're probably overthinking it tbh. People like to talk about themselves so no doubt him and kids will be wanting to tell you all about their time away with the rellies etc when they return and won't think to ask you about what you've been up to, especially if they think you've just been "wfh".

Yeah, not sure DP will even ask much… but as I am an awful liar I will just fess up - one way or another

‘Why not tell him your plans in advance?’

because DP will try to talk me out of it.

I would absolutely go on holiday on your own, that sounds like bliss. But why not tell your DP? If you're ok for money and no-one else will be there, why on earth would it matter? I wouldn't be able to sustain a lie like that, and anyway, won't you want to take photos and share what you've been up to with him?