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AIBU?

My partner forgot my birthday

64 replies

heforgot · 29/08/2022 11:57

I've nc'd for this as I'm so embarrassed. My partner has forgotten my 25th birthday today. I confronted him about an hour ago and said have you forgotten and he was very apologetic and sorry. Said he's never missed a birthday before with previous partners (he's older than me and has had lots of girlfriends) and that's what hurts the most I think- the fact that it's just me he's ever forgot. He says it's no reflection of how he feels for me, that he loves me etc. We're shy of one year together so last year he gave me birthday gifts early September as we hadn't physically met by my birthday. I didn't even want gifts per se, just a thoughtful card and a 'happy birthday'. We live together, I reminded him last week but he's still forgot. I don't know what to make of it. AIBU to be upset?

OP posts:
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Sunnyqueen · 29/08/2022 12:02

Yanbu but if you reminded him last week then he hasn't actually forgot has he. He's decided he couldn't be bothered and seen if he can get away with it. Telling you he's never forgot exs is just cruel.

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zingally · 29/08/2022 12:04

You've been together less than a year... If he's not now practically crawling on his knees for forgiveness, and putting together something really great for you now... Then I'd LTB.

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AryaStarkWolf · 29/08/2022 12:05

Yeah, if you reminded him a week ago then I'd be annoyed about it too

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Dotcheck · 29/08/2022 12:05

Sunnyqueen · 29/08/2022 12:02

Yanbu but if you reminded him last week then he hasn't actually forgot has he. He's decided he couldn't be bothered and seen if he can get away with it. Telling you he's never forgot exs is just cruel.

All of that.

You haven’t even been together a full year, you’re already living together, he’s older than you, and had lots of girlfriends.
And he couldn’t be bothered to do something for your birthday? Which falls on a bank holiday weekend.

Hmm

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Cakecakecheese · 29/08/2022 12:07

At least he's apologetic but not sure why he felt the need to tell you he always remembered his ex partners birthdays, that's hardly going to make you feel better is it?

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Greengreengrassofhome01 · 29/08/2022 12:09

What is he going to do about it now you have reminded him?

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WhenISnappedAndFarted · 29/08/2022 12:12

You haven't been together a year yet, you already live together, he forgot your birthday despite you reminding him, he's had lots of girlfriends.

Make sure you're protecting yourself OP, it doesn't sound great.

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Whatsthestoryboringglory · 29/08/2022 12:12

Sunnyqueen · 29/08/2022 12:02

Yanbu but if you reminded him last week then he hasn't actually forgot has he. He's decided he couldn't be bothered and seen if he can get away with it. Telling you he's never forgot exs is just cruel.

All of this. Especially the part where he makes a point of saying he never forgot an ex girlfriend’s birthdays. He’s setting you up to have low expectations of him, and to see what you will put up with.

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neverbeenskiing · 29/08/2022 12:13

He didn't forget though, did he? You told him a week ago so he knew and he chose not to plan anything, or get you a gift or even a card. If he is already taking you for granted after less than a year together that's a very bad sign in my opinion. The comment about never forgetting ex's birthday's is bordering on cruel.

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Shoxfordian · 29/08/2022 12:21

He sounds like a knob
Don’t stay with him when he acts like this

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girlmom21 · 29/08/2022 12:23

Have you had cards or gifts from anyone else?

He's a knob. Has he rushed around to fix this?

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SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 29/08/2022 12:23

He did not forget because you reminded him. He is a nasty cunt trying to devalue you, highlighted by the negging about never forgetting any other woman's birthday. When people show you who they are believe them the first time, it saves a lot of pain. This should be the honey-moon stage OP, imagine how he will be treating you in five years (if you stay).

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RealBecca · 29/08/2022 12:25

If he "cant remember" your birthday how will he remember to pay bill's, pick up children, food shop responsibly, organise any basic things? Dont commit to a life of pushing someone else uphill.

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Greengreengrassofhome01 · 29/08/2022 12:28

Is he mortified and going to make it up to you today by taking you somewhere nice? Do you have the day off together?

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Pe0pleMakeRacers · 29/08/2022 12:29

If you have been together less than 1 year, this is supposed to be the honeymoon period, whereby people make an effort to please their SO.
If you are lucky, you will find someone who will treat you well for every birthday.

This seems that he is "not that into you"

Why are you living together, so soon, apart from the reduced cost of living ?

Has he made any plans to take you out later today ?

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CloseYourEyesAndSee · 29/08/2022 12:30

This is beyond shit

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Bestcatmum · 29/08/2022 12:31

I would dump him just for saying he never forgot his exes birthdays.

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LuaDipa · 29/08/2022 12:40

Sunnyqueen · 29/08/2022 12:02

Yanbu but if you reminded him last week then he hasn't actually forgot has he. He's decided he couldn't be bothered and seen if he can get away with it. Telling you he's never forgot exs is just cruel.

This.

He’s deliberately negging you and trying to damage your self-esteem. You deserve better than this horrid man. Get rid.

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UnshakenNeedsStirring · 29/08/2022 12:44

He is already showing you what he thinks of you. Actions speak louder than words. Please think if this is who you want to be with for the rest of your life.

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UnshakenNeedsStirring · 29/08/2022 12:45

Bestcatmum · 29/08/2022 12:31

I would dump him just for saying he never forgot his exes birthdays.

Absolutely. Like rubbing salt on a wound. I wonder if he said that deliberately. Maybe he is insecure, maybe OP could do better than him and he just wants to beat OP's spirit. Dont know, I am just speculating on why he shared that bit of information with OP.

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Aprilx · 29/08/2022 12:52

I can’t even imagine how it would be possible for DH to forget my birthday because for one thing, I would be mentioning it myself. I wouldn’t keep quiet for the months, weeks, days in the run up, I am quite happy to come up with my own suggestions for my birthday, I don’t need DH to do it all and “surprise” me.

And it doesn’t sound like you have been silent regarding your birthday either, so I don’t think it is technically correct to say he “forgot” about your birthday, it seems like it is more accurate to say he didn’t bother. We don’t make too much of a fuss these days, although we generally do mark the day. But that is after many years and more or less a mutual agreement, I wouldn’t be happy in your situation.

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ChrisTrepidation · 29/08/2022 12:56

He told you he's never forgotten an ex girlfriends birthday?

Raise your bar op. He's a twat.

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Meraas · 29/08/2022 12:57

heforgot · 29/08/2022 11:57

I've nc'd for this as I'm so embarrassed. My partner has forgotten my 25th birthday today. I confronted him about an hour ago and said have you forgotten and he was very apologetic and sorry. Said he's never missed a birthday before with previous partners (he's older than me and has had lots of girlfriends) and that's what hurts the most I think- the fact that it's just me he's ever forgot. He says it's no reflection of how he feels for me, that he loves me etc. We're shy of one year together so last year he gave me birthday gifts early September as we hadn't physically met by my birthday. I didn't even want gifts per se, just a thoughtful card and a 'happy birthday'. We live together, I reminded him last week but he's still forgot. I don't know what to make of it. AIBU to be upset?

If you reminded him last week then he hasn’t forgotten, he’s made a deliberate choice not to get you so much as a card.

Fuck him off and don’t him birthday or Christmas presents from now on.

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onanotherday · 29/08/2022 13:01

Halpy birthday OP💐

Is there any chance he has a surprised planned?

If not I would consider any commitment going forward.

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onanotherday · 29/08/2022 13:01

Happy!

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