My partner forgot my birthday

[heforgot]

I've nc'd for this as I'm so embarrassed. My partner has forgotten my 25th birthday today. I confronted him about an hour ago and said have you forgotten and he was very apologetic and sorry. Said he's never missed a birthday before with previous partners (he's older than me and has had lots of girlfriends) and that's what hurts the most I think- the fact that it's just me he's ever forgot. He says it's no reflection of how he feels for me, that he loves me etc. We're shy of one year together so last year he gave me birthday gifts early September as we hadn't physically met by my birthday. I didn't even want gifts per se, just a thoughtful card and a 'happy birthday'. We live together, I reminded him last week but he's still forgot. I don't know what to make of it. AIBU to be upset?

[Poppyblush]

He didn’t forget, he couldn’t be arsed. What has he done to make up for it?

[Jedsnewstar]

He didn’t forget. He wanted to make you feel like shit. He told you he never forgets others birthdays. You also reminded him days ago.

This is your warning. Please LTB.

[toastofthetown]

He's setting a tone here. He won't get any better at remembering your birthday from here on out. If that's fine with you, then it's not a problem, but if celebrating your birthday is important - and it would be to me, despite many on Mumsnet thinking that it's ridiculous for anyone over the age ten to celebrate their birthday - then you probably won't be getting that with this guy. I've seen enough posts on Mumsnet along the lines of "DH has ignored by 40th birthday. He's not bothered with the last eight birthdays, but I though't he's make an effort for a special one"

[UnboxedThoughts]

You deserve to be remembered.

[heforgot]

He did apologise profusely and said he will get me something soon. We've not done anything today as he's not well (bad cold) but obviously should've sorted a card before today. I confronted him on the comments about never missing other birthdays and he said he has forgotten other peoples birthdays before.

[Luredbyapomegranate]

@zingally

You've been together less than a year... If he's not now practically crawling on his knees for forgiveness, and putting together something really great for you now... Then I'd LTB.

Yes this. I once forgot my lovely sister’s birthday and was MORTIFIED. It’s a bit odd if he was reminded last week, but it can happen - as long as he is making it up and grovelling in a BIG away, OK.

If not - out the door. Don’t waste a second more, he will only get less considerate.

[Greengreengrassofhome01]

So you have both had to stay in all day on your birthday/bank holiday because he had a cold?

Do you really think he is going to make it up to you?

[AryaStarkWolf]

@heforgot

He did apologise profusely and said he will get me something soon. We've not done anything today as he's not well (bad cold) but obviously should've sorted a card before today. I confronted him on the comments about never missing other birthdays and he said he has forgotten other peoples birthdays before.

It wasn't "other peoples" birthdays though, it was other girlfriends birthdays

[Itloggedmeoutagain]

Well it's all downhill from here

[DoubleGauze]

I agree with pps. Keep an eye on his behaviour op , he most likely didn't forget. And his comment about exes' birthdays was probably designed to make you feel less important than them.

[Greengreengrassofhome01]

Shame you’re not going out with friends or family today op.

[girlmom21]

He'll get you something 'soon' and couldn't take you out for lunch because he's got a cold? He's a prick.

Go for tea with friends please
OP!

[heforgot]

I live in a different country to my family and it's not bank holiday here although we are both home today.

[SparklingLime]

He could have ordered flowers etc from his sick bed, to be delivered today.

You’ll likely reject this, but I don’t think being with a considerably older man is a good plan for a 25-year-old woman. It skews things and you’re too young for this shit.

[billy1966]

OP, you deserve better than an old twat.

You have moved in, in less than a year?!

[Stopthebusplease]

My DP (at the time, now DH) once bought me stuff for my birthday, but because it was big, didn't make any attempt to wrap it. I was so disappointed, as unwrapping is the most exciting part, even if you have a good idea what's in the gift. It bothered me all day, and I couldn't get to sleep, so went downstairs and wrote him a note telling him how disappointed I was, and why. The following day, he said that he thought it was the gifts that were important, not the wrapping, but if I wanted stuff wrapped in future then that's what he would do. I've never had a gift since that hasn't been wrapped, hence he's now my DH. However, with your DP, saying he'll get you something soon, rather than going online and ordering you something to be delivered same day, and at the very least an e-card to show that he's sorry, would be the least I would have expected. I would also have expected him to say 'We'll go out as soon as I'm feeling better and get you something really special to make up'. If he hasn't done this, then I really don't think he's a keeper. I would also be mightily pissed off that he said he's never forgotten any other girlfriends, but then, perhaps they hadn't already moved it, so he felt he needed to make more effort with them? Think about it OP, but personally, unless he makes a really grand gesture within the next few days, I'd be running for the hills.

[heforgot]

I'm actually more annoyed today than I was yesterday

We just spent the day indoors watching tv- fair enough, he wasn't well but again, it should've been sorted beforehand. He did rally himself enough to cook me my favourite dinner even though he felt like rubbish, which I guess is nice of him and then later on in the evening said happy birthday, I'm sorry it's been so rubbish. His birthday was earlier in the year and wasn't a big one (not sure if 25 is big but it feels a bit bigger than usual? Not as big as 18/21/40 but a little bigger?) and I got him gifts and we went out for a family meal with his side. He did momentarily - in between apologies- ask if dates were important to me and realised very quickly that he wasn't getting out of it with that rubbish.

Sorry for the drip feed; we both have our own places but we spend 95% of the time at mine and the odd weekend at his and we're meant to be moving somewhere new together before Christmas. So we do in effect live together and he contributes to the costs at mine.

[TheNoodlesIncident]

He's made your birthday all about him and how rotten he feels. With a cold.

He had plenty chances to make arrangements last week, when you reminded him. He chose to do nothing, or else put off doing something thinking he would get around to it later. Neither of these sounds like he's prioritising you on any level really.

I would be rethinking moving in together. There's plenty of time for that if/when things pick up, ie he starts treating you with more consideration and less prioritising himself with his poor poor snotty nose. Frankly I think unless he's been perfect in every other way (and he's not, because of the "I've never forgotten my other girlfriends' birthdays" comment, wtf), I'd be throwing this one back in the sea. I might not have in my twenties, but I'm older and more cynical now and tbh, someone who puts themselves first like this don't usually get better.

Asking "if dates are important to you"?! As in, could any date be as important as his birthday? Why does he think your sitting in watching TV and listening to him sniffing is an acceptable birthday alternative to doing something nice, like you did for his? I'd be beyond annoyed...

[MintyGreenDreams]

95% at yours? So reduced energy bills and food bills for him then?

[birthdaygirl29]

@heforgot I actually posted a thread on the relationships board about a similar scenario last night!!

We've only been casually seeing each other for 3 months and he didn't forget, just chose not to get me a card or even message on the morning of my birthday yesterday. Sadly for me I think this is the end as he's made me feel like I'm nothing to him.

In your situation 100% I would be ending it.
Thinking back to my first birthday with my STBXH, we'd been together 5 months and still both loved with our parents - he bought me expensive jewellery, other gifts and arranged a surprise birthday meal out with friends.
Seems I've actually lowered by bar instead of raising it, but this has been my red flag and I've taken note of it.

[CostaLotta22]

So what present do you think he’s going to get you? Are you expecting it to actually materialise?

[heforgot]

@birthdaygirl29 I literally just read your thread!! Happy belated birthday 🎂 I know, in a way not forgetting but not bothering is worse. I too feel very unimportant 

[CostaLotta22]

Is he feeling better today?

[heforgot]

@CostaLotta22 I don't think he will now. He said to me this morning that he hopes I don't hold it against him forever which makes me think he's just writing this one off

[heforgot]

@CostaLotta22 sorry, x posted. He's a bit better but still has a cold. I've caught it off him but don't feel too bad yet.