Have you sent your August-born to school at 4 and later regretted it?

[Sandrine1982]

Hi

I know this has been discussed many times before but I'd like to hear from parents who have not deferred the school start for their kids.
I know some parents with August-born children and they all want to defer their children so they start reception at 5.
But I want to hear the other perspective.

Our DD is just 3 but the registration period will start soon and I really don't know what we should do. She was born 25 August but her due date was actually 1 September. She was born a bit early as I had to be induced.

She seems very bright and is an extremely active, lively, friendly and sociable child. She has been at nursery full time since she was 1 year old.
Her speech is developping fine and physically she's also developping great - she's quite tall and athletic for her age.

The only thing I'm worried about is emotional maturity and just general readiness for school. I'm not really worried about reception but her schooling later on, and the impact of school on her confidence levels if "it doesn't work out".

Can people offer their experiences if they haven't deferred and it all turned out ok?
And if we do send her to school and she's really struggling later on, can she repeat a year or something like that?
I'm not familiar with the UK system as I wasn't born here..

Thanks in advance.
xx

I hate a late born dd. She is about to turn 19 in two days time and I did not defer her or feel she missed out in any way. In fact I am glad I kept her in year as it worked out perfectly for her with a nice friendship group etc. main frustrations as she got older was always being youngest so couldn’t do things like cinema at 14 when her friends were 15. Pub at 17 when her friends were 18. That sort of thing but fake ID generally does the trick!
my advice is not to mess with the correct order of things , just give extra support if need be but otherwise don’t meddle and try to social engineer outcomes.
covid worked well for her for example as she sat her GCSE’s as normal 2019 but got teacher assessed a levels which worked out well and she got into a fab uni.
Not saying she wouldn’t have done as well this year if I had delayed her a year but you just don’t know what could happen.

I have a July child and we didn't defer, lots of friends were asking if we would.
She was quiet and we had a little wobble at first, mainly because it was mid-covid and we missed out on settling in etc, but honestly, I am so glad we did it.
By the following September, she had grown up so much that she would have seemed very old amongst the new reception class. The different ages seem so important at the beginning of reception, but by the time they start year 1, it is usually evened out.
Without bragging(!) she is in the top group for literacy, loves school and has a wonderful group of friends, no regrets!

No @Mumteedum you aren't correct there. If you defer you definitely don't miss reception.

As a teacher I would absolutely urge you to defer.

A child who is only just 4 is, in my experience going to struggle. Sure they don't all struggle academically, sure they catch up. Some are emotionally and physically immature. I certainly would have kept my own child back if he was an august birthday and not able to use the toilet confidently. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a young 4yo who can't toilet reliably but I would question why you wouldn't give them that extra year to mature and grow up if you can.

OP I think you'd be best off asking if any people who did defer regret it.... I suspect that would be a resounding no. Of course most who don't defer will say it's fine because for the majority it will be. But for many of those who are fine I do still think an extra year at home would have been beneficial and I certainly don't think it would be any harm.

My own DC are bright September and October born, all performing at or above expectations. They are not geniuses of course and have never been particularly bored or under stimulated at school. Nothing out of the ordinary anyway!

As a professional I really do urge anyone with august or late July birthdays to just defer. Especially for any who were born premature or had any minor issues in the early years - late crawling, hearing problems, late to talk etc. Just give them the extra year.

My DD is summer born and she's now in year 5 shes caught up with the class she's one of the tallest and we had to pay less childcare than if she started at 5. No regrets here

If you're in a grammar school area (and want to potentially send them to Grammar school) check what the arrangements for 11+ tests are for deferred pupils, in our area they either sit with their "correct" cohort or get "weighted" as they are older than the others taking the test (particularly unfair as they wouldn't penalise someone born at 00.01 on the 1st September, but the cut off has to be somewhere)

My son is late July and has been fine. He’s heading into year 3 now. I was quite influenced by a boy in his nursery who had been held back and was obviously bored and could already do many of the things they’d be learning in reception. And he saw many of the kids who were in his year group as babyish, as they were so much younger than him. Obviously that’s just one child and not all those held back would be the same but it had an influence on us. My friend is also a reception teacher and she reassured me a lot as she said that academically the speed with which they learn doesn’t break down based on their place in the year. All children are different and learn at different speeds. She said that you can see the younger ones need a little more support with some of the social side of things but that is 100% part of her remit as the teacher to support the children with and they are v aware of how young some of the children are and the support they may need as a result. So it’s not like they get thrown into the class and you have to just hope for the best. I think if it had been my first child I’d have worried more but he had seen his sister going to school and was excited etc. I’ve read that you can actually see the impacts of them being younger further down the line, E.g. when they get to secondary. So that is still a little worrying but we don’t regret the decision and won’t be deferring our other summer baby either.

Funnily enough we were talking about this the other day , that she’d be off to uni this year rather than last year if she had been born 2 hours later than she was and she said she was so glad she was born in august and also glad I kept her in year as she’d have completely different friends and completely different life and maybe choices too. I am glad I didn’t meddle as is she!

Your DD sounds like she'll be fine.

I didn’t defer my August born and don’t regret it. He has ASD and was massively emotionally developmentally behind*. However he started school at just turned three in the F1 class, started Reception just turned four and did fine. He came on in leaps and bounds at school, the trained staff and other kids were far better for him than just being at home with me.

Obviously deferring was the road not taken so I can't say how things would have panned out if I had chosen that (it wasn't suggested at the time and it would have meant missing reception which was a hard no). Ultimately though he made incredible progress in school so I can't regret that.

*He is still delayed developmentally and is behind his peers in terms of maturity etc, but that's par for the course with ASD and doesn't reflect on his birthdate at all. Months make a difference when they are very young, not so much by secondary age...

I have an August born 17 year old son and deferring wasn't an option when he started school. I actually wrote to my MP and the dept of education but was told I was essentially being ridiculous. Yet a few years later the rules changed!
Anyway, I think that being the youngest in the year has had a lasting bad effect on DS. He was a month premature so should have been in the year below.

DS is clever, so has had no trouble at all keeping up academically. He's neurotypical, has always had lots of friends, is universally liked by pupils and teachers, plays sport etc. But his nature is cautious, he lacks confidence, and has found it very hard being the youngest all the time.

It started in reception when the other kids had Spider-Man swimming bags and laughed at this Thomas the Tank Engine bag, so he had to get a spider man one, even though he had no interest in spider man. And it's continued. All his friends started being interested in girls before him, drinking before he felt ready - just everything.

He's about to start the second year of 6th form and has no idea what he wants to do, says he feels too young to be making these decisions.

His lack of confidence and feeling of inferiority (due to young age) has led him to surround himself with people who are less intelligent than him and have no aspirations.

The girls in his year are all older than him, and since girls are more mature anyway, it's been has hard for him to have girlfriends.

Being unable to defer him is one of the biggest regrets of my life. I think it will stay with him for a long time. He would have been a different person if he hadn't felt constantly under pressure to be someone that he wasn't.

That said, girls are often different, and you know your child's personality best. I knew DS would struggle and I was right, but there was nothing I could do.

Where I am (bucks and berks) the 11+ is age weighted, so children born in September are ‘penalised’ compared to summer borns, as they have to get a higher raw score to achieve the pass mark. This is to account for the fact that being a summer born is still a disadvantage academically at 10/11 when they sit this exam and on average those pupils score lower than older pupils in the same school year.

We haven’t yet had any pupils reach this age who are deferred at my school so I don’t know what happens if they want to sit the 11+ but deferred reception.

I would add that everyone told me it would even out as DS got older, but actually it's got worse. It wasn't too bad in primary school , but secondary has been much harder for him, where emotional maturity seems more significant.

Slightly different as we are in Scotland but I didn’t defer my end of Jan born son so he’s the youngest by quite a bit in his class. He is totally fine but not sure whether fine cuts it… he’s almost 10 now.

6 year old DSS was deferred and is doing fantastically.

My son was born mid August. He's just going into high school next year and I never regretted my decision to send him. Didn't notice him being behind or anything.

Her birth date and her due date will have no influence. This boils down to her being the oldest in class or the youngest. What do you plan to do with her if you don’t put her in school for another year?

I'm a late August birthday born 5 weeks preemie (due October 1st) hasn't affected me at all. I would have been very angry with my parents if I was a year behind! I went to university at just 18, no issues at all. Dp is also late August, also no issues. I think it's modern parents overthinking it and trying to game the system for perceived advantage when there isn't at a population level (individuals could have specific reasons why delaying is a good idea)

Exactly my experience

Oh and remember sports in particular are age specific - dd had a lad in her class who couldn't take part in a primary school event because he was too told (August born but delayed)

Most children are not deferred and do absolutely fine. As a teacher, I have to say that, for most, by Key Stage 2, there's no real noticeable difference and definitely not by upper Key stage 2. Summer born children tend to progress quicker upon starting school so 'catch up' in no time.

What you do have to be aware of are the typical practices in place in your authority. In some, they allow deferring and then a placement in the following Reception class. In others, it's straight into Year 1. For some, it depends on the deferring reasons and a judgement call will be made whether it,s Reception or Year 1. In a few, it's that they go into Reception but, when they transfer to secondary, they are moved back to their chronological year group (straight into Year 8). You have to know what the typical practices are in your local authority because it will be different for other posters and you may not get your choice of what you'd want to happen.

It's also worth keeping in mind that deferring won't necessarily bring what you'd like it to. In the last few years, I've taught several deferred children who were placed out of their chronological year group to make them the oldest rather than the youngest. None of them were academically strong and there was no noticeable difference between their personal confidence levels and those of the rest of the class.

I'm sorry but that's simply not correct. The option to defer summer born children is relatively recent, and was brought about due to studies consistently showing that summer born kids performed less well. Do you really think government policy would have changed on something so significant if it was just pushy parents trying to gain advantage?! Just because your child has been OK, you can't deny population studies of large numbers.

DD2 has just turned 18 and is about to go to uni. I did have a bit of a wobble about her starting school. DD1 was in the year above and in the middle of the year age wise and was really thriving, but there were a couple of younger ones in the class who were struggling.
But DD2 was in the school nursery class and the reception teachers knew her pretty well. Everyone recommended we just go for it, and it’s worked out well for her.
The worst part for her has definitely been being the youngest and not being able to do things her friends could do - especially this summer post A levels not being able to socialise at pubs/clubs.

I very, very nearly deferred my mid-August born DS. I only changed my mind when I was told that this might cause issues when he went to secondary school in that some schools insist deferred children join in their correct age cohort (so, he might have to start secondary school in year 8). I work in a secondary school and the admissions officer confirmed this was the case in my school (I understand it's discretionary so wouldn't happen all the time, and that it can be fought but I reeeeeaaaaly didn't fancy facing this issue in the future!). Anyway, he started in reception last year 2 weeks after turning 4 and has absolutely thrived - I have zero regrets... He's doing very well 'academically', socially and emotionally. It's worth noting that I had no concerns about my DS at all - my reason for considering deferment was only that I liked the idea of him being older and at an advantage, rather than a disadvantage.

There are lots of factors and variables in this decision so it's a very personal one to make but from my experience, and in my circumstances, I'm very happy I didn't defer my DS.

@Sarahcoggles

I'm August born myself. There's no reason why I should have been delayed! Why should parents be allowed take such a decision that could negatively impact their children later. See info on school sports

Late Aug boy here, I debated whether or not to defer and in the end I didn't. I spoke to his nursery teachers who assured me that he would cope well despite a speech delay requiring speech therapy, and they have been proved correct. It helped that he was quite a tall child (so not the smallest despite being the youngest) and he was very confident and chatty. It's a personal decision but I am happy with the decision that we made

i wish I had deferred my august born who was due in September and 3 weeks early. 4 is so young to start school. As a Pp said if they have sen on top then that makes things even more tricky - but often you may not know your child has sen until they’re well into the school system and then it’s often too late. Mine has ASD and dyslexia but also very bright but the demands of school and her needs mean that she underperforms a lot eg didn’t pass maths sats. I’m sure her being the youngest doesn’t help. I wish she had a year to mature and learn more outside school before starting. Horses for courses though as the saying goes. Good luck x

If she’s very bright then don’t hold her back. Bright kids outgrow nursery by age 4 and primary by year 5. Very bright kids find year 6 boring and year 7 easy and repetitive. So making them do an extra year is going to be really dull. Girls also mature faster than boys so that won’t be an issue after a year or two. I would only hold back a child with Sen or who is behind, not one who is ‘very bright’. Not unless you are happy for them to skip from year 5 to year 7 - which means missing out on all the year 6 milestones (year 6 play, residential, leavers events) and moving on without her friends - which she won’t want to do. It is rubbish being the youngest when everyone is turning 18 but also hard being the oldest and expected to be the most sensible and come top of the class at primary. Many children don’t like the pressure of being the oldest in the class.