Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about missing wedding card

60 replies

Emojimovie · 28/08/2022 22:37

We recently got married abroad (a few months ago). We had an evening do with all our friends and family last week and we had a hot buffet, music etc like a normal evening do of a wedding. It all went really well. We went through all our cards and gifts and I noticed that 2 of my friends haven’t given us a card. These are friends I used to be quite close to (lived with at uni) but now see about twice a year. I’m not sure whether they haven’t given me anything or if it somehow went missing. I need to do thank you cards to our guests for their kind gifts of money/ vouchers - what do I do? Aibu to not give them one? But what if they gave me one and it went missing? If I ask I look a bit greedy like I’m expecting money or something. I’m genuinely not but I would be surprised if they didn’t even give us a congratulations card. Wwyd?

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 28/08/2022 22:38

Send them a thank you for celebrating your day with you.

Tibtab · 28/08/2022 22:38

If they gave you something then I’m sure they’ll ask if you don’t mention it. If you ask it sounds a bit grabby.

MandaLynn · 28/08/2022 22:39

WeAllHaveWings · 28/08/2022 22:38

Send them a thank you for celebrating your day with you.

This

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 28/08/2022 22:39

Could it be because you didn’t invite them to your wedding?

SpinCityBlues · 28/08/2022 22:40

May I ask what country you are in /culture are you from? Because social norms vary so much around the around the world and even just around and within the UK and Ireland.

Original poster
Emojimovie · 28/08/2022 22:42

We’re in the uk. No one came to the wedding not even family as we eloped just the 2 of us

OP posts:
BatshitBanshee · 28/08/2022 22:42

Just say thank you for celebrating your day and leave it at that. No need for a drama.

Original poster
Emojimovie · 28/08/2022 22:42

WeAllHaveWings · 28/08/2022 22:38

Send them a thank you for celebrating your day with you.

this sounds good

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 28/08/2022 22:43

WeAllHaveWings · 28/08/2022 22:38

Send them a thank you for celebrating your day with you.

Yep. And you didn’t throw a wedding, it was a party with food and music, so a normal party. They might not have given you a gift or a card.

Original poster
Emojimovie · 28/08/2022 22:44

BatshitBanshee · 28/08/2022 22:42

Just say thank you for celebrating your day and leave it at that. No need for a drama.

There has been no drama. I’m a little worried there might be a misplaced card but that’s the extent of the drama

OP posts:
Original poster
Emojimovie · 28/08/2022 22:46

Just to clarify I am fine if there is no gift. I thought there might be a congrats card and had worried it had gone missing. I like the suggestion of thanking them for celebrating with us

OP posts:
chillipenguin · 28/08/2022 22:46

If you didn't even have guests at your wedding then maybe they thought they wouldn't bother with a card as they usually give them at the wedding. 2 months on is a bit late to be sending thank you cards anyway so I'd just leave theirs or its going to be really really odd

Original poster
Emojimovie · 28/08/2022 22:46

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/08/2022 22:43

Yep. And you didn’t throw a wedding, it was a party with food and music, so a normal party. They might not have given you a gift or a card.

Show quote history

It was a normal party. Would you not normally give a card at a normal party just out of interest?

OP posts:
SpinCityBlues · 28/08/2022 22:47

How about, 'Thank you for your kindness and celebrating our day with us'?

chillipenguin · 28/08/2022 22:47

Emojimovie · 28/08/2022 22:46

It was a normal party. Would you not normally give a card at a normal party just out of interest?

Show quote history

No not unless it was close to the birthday date eg the week after.

BatshitBanshee · 28/08/2022 22:47

Emojimovie · 28/08/2022 22:44

There has been no drama. I’m a little worried there might be a misplaced card but that’s the extent of the drama

Show quote history

Aibu to not give them one?

Not giving a thank you card for attending your wedding because they didn't give you a card or gift is being a tad dramatic. Not everything is a transaction.

Original poster
Emojimovie · 28/08/2022 22:47

chillipenguin · 28/08/2022 22:46

If you didn't even have guests at your wedding then maybe they thought they wouldn't bother with a card as they usually give them at the wedding. 2 months on is a bit late to be sending thank you cards anyway so I'd just leave theirs or its going to be really really odd

The party was a few days ago

OP posts:
chillipenguin · 28/08/2022 22:48

There's nothing you can do because if they didn't get a card for whatever reason you will just make it awkward forever

Original poster
Emojimovie · 28/08/2022 22:48

BatshitBanshee · 28/08/2022 22:47

Aibu to not give them one?

Not giving a thank you card for attending your wedding because they didn't give you a card or gift is being a tad dramatic. Not everything is a transaction.

Show quote history

No drama as previously stated. Thanking them for attending sounds perfect and so this is what I will do

OP posts:
chillipenguin · 28/08/2022 22:48

BatshitBanshee · 28/08/2022 22:47

Aibu to not give them one?

Not giving a thank you card for attending your wedding because they didn't give you a card or gift is being a tad dramatic. Not everything is a transaction.

Show quote history

Agreed

RealBecca · 28/08/2022 22:50

Ignore and thank them.

But if you really have to poke at it you can mention in passing that a few cards went missing and see if they make vague noises about that being a shame (didnt send one) or hoping theirs didnt (you can then ask what it looked like)

Candleabra · 28/08/2022 22:51

Even if you don’t mean it like that , I don’t think you can ask people whether they sent a card/present without it looking like you’re totting up all the gifts you’ve got.
I like the idea of a “thank you for celebrating our marriage “ card. I’m not sure what else you can do really.

QuiltedHippo · 28/08/2022 22:51

I'm sure I remember from reading wedding forums back in the day that sending any kind of thanks is bad etiquette if they didn't send a gift, as it can look like you're fishing for one. No idea if that's correct but it'd save you writing a card

Original poster
Emojimovie · 28/08/2022 22:51

chillipenguin · 28/08/2022 22:48

Agreed

Show quote history

Again- there has been no dramatics. Have been thanking people for their kind cards and gifts and so wasn’t sure what to do. Pp suggested I thank them for their attendance instead which is ideal and what I will do. I would have sent a card to say congrats myself but I’m not having dramatics over others not doing the same

OP posts:
Original poster
Emojimovie · 28/08/2022 22:53

QuiltedHippo · 28/08/2022 22:51

I'm sure I remember from reading wedding forums back in the day that sending any kind of thanks is bad etiquette if they didn't send a gift, as it can look like you're fishing for one. No idea if that's correct but it'd save you writing a card

I am a little bit unsure tho if they did send one and it had gone missing so I’ll prob send one anyway with the whole thanks for attending wording just in case! I did say on our Facebook message group thanks so much for coming and for the lovely cards (they are in the group and the others had sent cards) and they said thanks we had a fab time so can’t really bring it up again 🙈

OP posts: