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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about missing wedding card

60 replies

Emojimovie · 28/08/2022 22:37

We recently got married abroad (a few months ago). We had an evening do with all our friends and family last week and we had a hot buffet, music etc like a normal evening do of a wedding. It all went really well. We went through all our cards and gifts and I noticed that 2 of my friends haven’t given us a card. These are friends I used to be quite close to (lived with at uni) but now see about twice a year. I’m not sure whether they haven’t given me anything or if it somehow went missing. I need to do thank you cards to our guests for their kind gifts of money/ vouchers - what do I do? Aibu to not give them one? But what if they gave me one and it went missing? If I ask I look a bit greedy like I’m expecting money or something. I’m genuinely not but I would be surprised if they didn’t even give us a congratulations card. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Rewis · 28/08/2022 22:54

I'm not from the UK, but here the card is a thank you for commemorating your wedding. They are sent for people who were there and those who gave a gift. It's the same card werher you gave a gift or not.

Nc12weeks · 28/08/2022 22:58

Do you think they assumed because they travelled abroad for your wedding they didn’t need to get a gift?

Nc12weeks · 28/08/2022 23:01

Sorry just seen they didn’t attend the wedding, just a party!

JackandSam · 28/08/2022 23:01

Maybe they forgot the card, in the car or at home? And have posted it? There's been a mail strike.

WallopBang · 28/08/2022 23:03

First poster nailed it. And after re-reading your OP just to double check... you come across as a grabby CF. Especially if people aren't celebrating your actual wedding day.

Nc12weeks · 28/08/2022 23:07

I attended a wedding over 4 months ago of a close friend. Gave them 150 quid as they wanted money. Haven’t ever received a thank you card or message acknowledging it so I’m left wondering if it got lost of if they’re rude.

So send a card just in case.

Ottersmith · 28/08/2022 23:12

I didn't give my friends a card and they messaged and asked if I had. I thought it was fucking weird and needy. It obviously didn't get lost, some people aren't big on cards. It seems you are finding it hard to accept the fact that they didn't give you a card but they didn't so just be happy they came to your party.

Gensola · 28/08/2022 23:15

@Ottersmith well I think it’s incredibly rude to attend a wedding and not give a card 🙃 if you aren’t even willing to buy a nice card and write well wishes in it, don’t accept people’s hospitality.

MardyBumm · 28/08/2022 23:22

Definitely send a card thanking them for coming- it gives them the opportunity to ask you if you received their card/gift if they did indeed send one. I went to a wedding 5 years ago and never received a thank you card for the generous amount of money I gave the couple and still always wonder if they are fucking rude or the envelope got lost.

Courtjobby · 29/08/2022 00:08

Nc12weeks · 28/08/2022 23:07

I attended a wedding over 4 months ago of a close friend. Gave them 150 quid as they wanted money. Haven’t ever received a thank you card or message acknowledging it so I’m left wondering if it got lost of if they’re rude.

So send a card just in case.

Same thing here except the wedding I attended was in November, so worried they didn't get the card....

Should I say anything?

Nc12weeks · 29/08/2022 00:20

@Courtjobby I don’t know, it’s so hard! Do you know any of the other guests that you could ask if they got a thank you? I asked a close friend and she didn’t get a thank you card so I’m assuming they just aren’t sending them!

Littlebluedinosaur · 29/08/2022 00:56

My wedding was a few years ago but we didn’t have a card a close friend and from a close auntie. Never mentioned it to either of them. But aunt mentioned it last year saying she found the card with old twenty notes in it the other week. I just laughed and didn’t say much. The close friend is a mystery though.

Pickles91 · 29/08/2022 00:59

We had a wedding earlier this year and a couple of very close friends didn’t give cards (or they went missing). A bit different as we didn’t elope and they attended, but we still wrote them thank you cards and thanked them for their support in the run up to the wedding and for celebrating with us on the day ☺️

ChellyT · 29/08/2022 02:18

WeAllHaveWings · 28/08/2022 22:38

Send them a thank you for celebrating your day with you.

Absolutely this!

One of my co workers got married recently, he apologised that he couldn't invite any of us as it was a small guest list, we were very ok with this, pitched in and bought them a voucher to a department store we knew they had a registry with. When he got back from their modest honeymoon up the coast he complained that we gave them more than some of his closest and dearest friends. I had to ask him if he invited his friends to celebrate such an amazing moment in life with him or for a gift? His answer... it was a $150 per person reception

ChellyT · 29/08/2022 02:21

Emojimovie · 28/08/2022 22:42

We’re in the uk. No one came to the wedding not even family as we eloped just the 2 of us

And you expect gifts/money/vouchers/card? Seriously?

Ottersmith · 29/08/2022 03:05

Gensola · 28/08/2022 23:15

@Ottersmith well I think it’s incredibly rude to attend a wedding and not give a card 🙃 if you aren’t even willing to buy a nice card and write well wishes in it, don’t accept people’s hospitality.

Hospitality?! Ha! I would be very glad if people didn't invite me to their weddings as unfortunately I feel obliged to go and hate them. Not everybody enjoys the day long me me me fest.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 29/08/2022 03:37

Nc12weeks · 28/08/2022 23:07

I attended a wedding over 4 months ago of a close friend. Gave them 150 quid as they wanted money. Haven’t ever received a thank you card or message acknowledging it so I’m left wondering if it got lost of if they’re rude.

So send a card just in case.

I’m in a similar position. I put my card, with money in it, on the gift table. I only noticed afterwards that there was a postbox for cash/vouchers. I’m hoping my card was picked up and not missed because it wasn’t in the box.

Courtjobby · 29/08/2022 08:31

Nc12weeks · 29/08/2022 00:20

@Courtjobby I don’t know, it’s so hard! Do you know any of the other guests that you could ask if they got a thank you? I asked a close friend and she didn’t get a thank you card so I’m assuming they just aren’t sending them!

My close friend who went didn't give them anything as she was broke at the time and the wedding hotel was expensive etc so she let the bride know she would give her a gift next year, so can't ask her!

SpongeBob2022 · 29/08/2022 08:35

I don't get the suggestion you're being dramatic....not at all IMO.

I agree the thanks for celebrating with us card idea is a good one.

ApolloandDaphne · 29/08/2022 08:37

ChellyT · 29/08/2022 02:21

And you expect gifts/money/vouchers/card? Seriously?

Show quote history

If you read what the OP wrote, she has no expectations of a gift or a card, she was just worried about possibly offending guests by not sending a thank you in case they had given a card and it has gone missing.

RampantIvy · 29/08/2022 08:37

Would you not normally give a card at a normal party just out of interest?

Only if it was for a specific occasion like a birthday or anniversary. The wedding was several months previously so it wouldn't have occurred to me to give a card.

Hamster1111 · 29/08/2022 08:38

JackandSam · 28/08/2022 23:01

Maybe they forgot the card, in the car or at home? And have posted it? There's been a mail strike.

I had to post a card when we got home from a wedding we went to a couple of months ago as I left it in my bag. This is a possibility...

Hamster1111 · 29/08/2022 08:39

Although I think you need to send a card to them even if they didn't give you one

DillDanding · 29/08/2022 08:42

I would do precisely nothing.

Sending a thank-you card for attending an evening do is, frankly, odd. I agree with others that it will look like you’re fishing.

Movingsoon21 · 29/08/2022 08:43

OP, this happened to me as a guest! we gave a voucher but the couple didn’t receive it.

They sent us a card thanking us for celebrating the day with them so it was clear they hadn’t received our card and gift. I messaged the bride to double check and apologise (I was mortified they probably thought we were stingy!) and we were able to send them the voucher code as we had an email with it.