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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about missing wedding card

60 replies

Emojimovie · 28/08/2022 22:37

We recently got married abroad (a few months ago). We had an evening do with all our friends and family last week and we had a hot buffet, music etc like a normal evening do of a wedding. It all went really well. We went through all our cards and gifts and I noticed that 2 of my friends haven’t given us a card. These are friends I used to be quite close to (lived with at uni) but now see about twice a year. I’m not sure whether they haven’t given me anything or if it somehow went missing. I need to do thank you cards to our guests for their kind gifts of money/ vouchers - what do I do? Aibu to not give them one? But what if they gave me one and it went missing? If I ask I look a bit greedy like I’m expecting money or something. I’m genuinely not but I would be surprised if they didn’t even give us a congratulations card. Wwyd?

OP posts:
SunlightThroughTrees · 29/08/2022 08:46

I think the wording suggested by WeAllHaveWings is perfect and if they brought any other kind of gift for you as party host (wine, flowers, chocolate etc) then I’d thank them for that too. I might not have brought a card in that circumstance (celebratory party that took place a couple of months after the wedding, rather than closer to it) so I don’t think they’re strange not to, by the way.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/08/2022 09:10

Ottersmith · 29/08/2022 03:05

Hospitality?! Ha! I would be very glad if people didn't invite me to their weddings as unfortunately I feel obliged to go and hate them. Not everybody enjoys the day long me me me fest.

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It is an invitation to celebrate their wedding as is customary, not a summons and far less rude to decline than to attended and ignore basic etiquette.

Original poster
Emojimovie · 29/08/2022 09:47

ChellyT · 29/08/2022 02:21

And you expect gifts/money/vouchers/card? Seriously?

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Not sure where I’ve said I expect money or vouchers or gift. I thought there might be a card to say congratulations and was a little worried it may have been misplaced so wasn’t sure how to word thank you card. I’ve read a few replies that say people quite often go to evening wedding dos without bringing a card so can see it isn’t always what people do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emojimovie · 29/08/2022 09:48

WallopBang · 28/08/2022 23:03

First poster nailed it. And after re-reading your OP just to double check... you come across as a grabby CF. Especially if people aren't celebrating your actual wedding day.

I’m a grabby cf because I thought they might have given me a card at my evening do? Cards are about 50p. Hardly a cf

OP posts:
Original poster
Emojimovie · 29/08/2022 09:50

ApolloandDaphne · 29/08/2022 08:37

If you read what the OP wrote, she has no expectations of a gift or a card, she was just worried about possibly offending guests by not sending a thank you in case they had given a card and it has gone missing.

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Yes this is it. Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Emojimovie · 29/08/2022 09:52

RampantIvy · 29/08/2022 08:37

Would you not normally give a card at a normal party just out of interest?

Only if it was for a specific occasion like a birthday or anniversary. The wedding was several months previously so it wouldn't have occurred to me to give a card.

The specific occasion was the celebration of the wedding which occurred a couple of months ago. I’m surprised you wouldn’t give a card to your friend to say congratulations if you attended their evening do but it seems not everyone gives cards. I will say thank you to them for attending because I had a lovely time with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emojimovie · 29/08/2022 09:53

DillDanding · 29/08/2022 08:42

I would do precisely nothing.

Sending a thank-you card for attending an evening do is, frankly, odd. I agree with others that it will look like you’re fishing.

But what if they did give me one and it went missing and then I just look rude for not saying thank you? 🙈

OP posts:
Cric · 29/08/2022 09:54

This exact thing happened at my wedding! I was worried that I had lost the card and didn't want to upset my friend (there was a group that came together). I sent a card saying thanks so much for coming, we enjoyed spending the day with you etc. She phoned me up later that week to say that she found our card, it was at the bottom of her bag but was so drunk at the wedding she didn't leave it with us. We both laughed about it, all good!

Original poster
Emojimovie · 29/08/2022 09:55

SunlightThroughTrees · 29/08/2022 08:46

I think the wording suggested by WeAllHaveWings is perfect and if they brought any other kind of gift for you as party host (wine, flowers, chocolate etc) then I’d thank them for that too. I might not have brought a card in that circumstance (celebratory party that took place a couple of months after the wedding, rather than closer to it) so I don’t think they’re strange not to, by the way.

Thanks. It was very much an evening wedding reception- held at a weddingy place, DJ, food, I was in wedding dress etc. so more of an evening do than a party I suppose but I do agree that a card to thank them for attending is an ideal solution

OP posts:
DixonD · 29/08/2022 09:58

We got married in a similar fashion- no guests.

We had a daytime celebration a few weeks later. We didn’t get a single card and didn’t expect any. We only got a few cards from family members when we actually got married.

In our case I think people were pissed we got married without them.

In your case, I would just send a thank you card for joining you.

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