13 year old son will not come for day out

[tallulah07]

I paid for tickets for our whole family to go to Chessington as a treat for my two children (I cannot get a refund). My son REFUSES point blank to go - what can I do?? I can't physically force him into the car and I do not want to be miles out of Norfolk leaving him to his own devices! :-(

Take the wifi router as well as the phone so there's no internet

I didnt say 'with his mates' and wouldnt advocate that at all

But thats in OPs control. Leave him at home, videos and computer games and some food etc with someone local on speed dial.

Honestly I have 14 year old. My word is final, I have paid for outing and no other arrangements in place, end of story.

Phone off him for rudeness and certainly not allowed in room at night.

When he starts acting more respectful then discussion can take place on reducing the rules not until then.

Only just seen this response. Okay in that case I'd absolutely insist he comes and no effing way would he be allowed to stay home alone nor to be disrespectful. You need to put your foot down on this and on the late night calls etc. He's pushing boundaries and he's too young for you to cave and erase them. He needs to know he's not an adult yet and still has to do as he's told, given that you're a fair parent and this is a good thing that you're doing for your family.

It sounds like you are going to start having some issues with him. He's 13yrs old, he does as his told ! If you cannot get him to come with you, do not allow him to hang around with these unknown friends, like others have said take him to grandparents, lock your house up and tell him he is not going out and about whilst your not in the same town.

I would not leave him at home on his own in this situation. He has to come with you.

Thank you - good advice

Thank you so much for your very useful answer

No I wouldn’t leave a 13 year old with mates whilst I was out of the county.
Parents who do this are extremely irresponsible IMO and the teens left behind are bored, and have many Hours hanging around and generally getting into trouble / making a nuisance of themselves

My 13 year old would told there were no options they were coming. If they refused to get in the car there would be severe consequences. Saying your not coming is then directly impacting on the rest of the family and that is incredibly selfish. Selfish behaviour in my house gets dealt with very harshly.
Phone taken. Social Apps blocked or limited right down. No meeting with friends.
Thoughtful and mature behaviour / discussion gets rewarded and more privileges / responsibility and trust gets given.

Also, do not allow him his phone at night? My teens phones get charged in downstairs where I am sitting once they are in bed.

There were lots of things I dare say my kids would rather have done at that age than what we wanted them to do. In the end they did what they were told. Never any need for shouting, grounding ,confiscating devices, making threats or anything else.

If you cannot manage him at 13 you have got one hell of a journey ahead of you through the later teenage years. Why you would even consider leaving a 13 year old on their own or muck up your plans is beyond me. Be the adult you are meant to be. Tell him to get in the car and do as he's told. No arguments, no negotiations. When he realises he has no wiggle room with you he will soon get over it. He's only acting up because he knows from experience that you don't know how to deal with it.

Loads of people thumping their chests on here but realistically she can’t physically force him and if he’d rather be smoking wacky backy with his mates he doesn’t need his phone to do that

You dont need physical abuse to parent but yes a parent should be in s position of authority at 13!

This is a massive part if why the behavior of young teens is so bad, parents not parenting!.

Wifi off house locked up in car end of story. Honestly if they are ruling the roost at 13 what on earth will they be doing at 17.

And you don't think they'd be round there or he'd be out before the OP had left the street??

He is 13 not 16 act like a parent and take him with you.

Loads of people thumping their chests on here but realistically she can’t physically force him and if he’d rather be smoking wacky backy with his mates he doesn’t need his phone to do that

Oh well, leave him to it then. Obviously nothing a mum can do to influence the behaviour of her 13yo son🤔

I think what the posters are referring to is that there have been comments like 'he would be coming' or 'severe consequences' or 'phone removed' or ' he gets in the car'

So what if he says, well fuck you mum, Im not coming and Im not giving you my phone. If you cut the wifi off I will climb out the window and go and meet my druggie mates. Im not getting in the car.

The problem, having read OPs updates, is that she doesnt know these friends, there is an issue there, she should know who he hangs out with, who he is close to at school, where he goes when he is out of the house

But given that is already happening and she doesnt have a handle on it, she might struggle with the rather authoritative approaches set out in this thread, he is 13, not 10, if he is already inclined to put two fingers up to her, then he will.

Just for the day

Well I have just messaged him telling him he is coming and I am putting my foot down. Things have been difficult at home and my health is very poor so I do find it hard being 'tough mum' but I hope to be able to make him come. Thanks all for your (mostly) helpful opinions

Well done and sorry about your health problems. More reason why he can't push you around though. He needs to do this for you as much as anything. Important for him to learn the value of pleasing other people over pleasing himself 24/7.

I really like this.

Clear boundaries and clear expectations.

But as PP said, what is OP going to do if he point blank refuses to go? You can’t force him physically into the car.

Not a chance, if you don't know them. And calls in the wee small hours? He's 13 not 17.

I'd insist. At 13 he doesn't get to ruin a family day out. And he wouldn't get to stay with people I didn't know either. He could end up joy riding, drinking, smoking God knows what.

Good call to take his phone.

Exactly this - most of the posters giving it big ‘uns on here are either the parents of much younger children or very compliant teens and would be stumped if they were faced with a youngster that has a bit of back bone.

I've been parenting teenagers for a very long time but this is the best answer I've ever read.