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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If I disagree with the majority of posters on mumsnet?

63 replies

NotSettlingIn · 28/08/2022 11:02

Am I the problem?

I'm experiencing cognitive dissonance! I've been all over the place, but relationships and AIBU are places I just don't agree with what most (over half of posters say!). I wasn't expecting that. I'm quite calm usually 😂

Light-hearted (But slightly serious)!

and Hello everyone!

OP posts:
Annieisalright · 28/08/2022 11:03

Depends in which direction you disagree Grin

I disagree on the most part but that's because I'm not a traumatised, introverted human being

Many replies are way OTT and I just laugh and move on

But if you think people are too lenient then YABU

ApolloandDaphne · 28/08/2022 11:04

Have you poster some responses where people disagree with you? That happens a lot.

Morechocmorechoc · 28/08/2022 11:06

I agree. The responses, lack of compasion and understanding, crazy people, the amount with perfect kids etc....none of it is a reality I'm familiar with. Like pp said, laugh and move on!

Topgub · 28/08/2022 11:06

I dont think so

Although, as with most of the Internet, lots of people on mumsnet absolutely can't cope with being disagreed with.

This makes you (but not them, who disagrees with you) a horrible person.

And you must be reminded of this every time they see you post.

Undecidedandtorn · 28/08/2022 11:08

I find it completely eye opening - what some women (a lot of posters on mumsnet) find a deal breaker (porn in particular) but also what some women put up with sometimes for years.

MulberryMoon · 28/08/2022 11:10

When I joined mumsnet in 2007 in my 30s I agreed with many of the majority opinions. Now I'm in my 50s I often don't on some subjects, but that's ok.

Original poster
NotSettlingIn · 28/08/2022 11:15

Oh, I don't like being disagreed with but I can absolutely accept it. I have had more than a couple of "Fuck off dears" when just trying to insert rationality into the conversation. I prefer disagreements to have some basis to them😁

I just think the advice or responses are very severe at times!, and it doesn't seem very accepting? I've been on a lot of threads the last few days (Long story but stuck in bed), so I am probably just experiencing it too much. I just don't feel better about myself after being on here. I'm just surprised I suppose. I know everything can't be sweetness and light, but this is something else (Been in a few deleted threads as well, that went to some crazy places!). It's a bit like watching a car crash. I need to look away.

Can anyone point me in the direction of calmness on here?

OP posts:
Original poster
NotSettlingIn · 28/08/2022 11:24

I just saw a post on another thread I am in actually, is Mumsnet more about entertainment value than advice?

I'm used to MSE and Health forums so I think I have misunderstood!

I feel like a bit of an idiot now!

Thanks for your replies!!! They were lovely.

OP posts:
QuePrima · 28/08/2022 11:25

I think the first comment on a thread sets the tone. You usually then get a bit of an echo chamber of the sentiment. If you read a thread like that you might think "I'll leave them to it" and only say on certain topics have to step in and say "hold on...".

MulberryMoon · 28/08/2022 11:29

QuePrima · 28/08/2022 11:25

I think the first comment on a thread sets the tone. You usually then get a bit of an echo chamber of the sentiment. If you read a thread like that you might think "I'll leave them to it" and only say on certain topics have to step in and say "hold on...".

True. That's why the polls can be good. On some threads the majority opinion on the threads will be different from the poll. If the first few posts are quite aggressively of one opinion, a lot of people have no interest in fighting or being pounced on by those posters, so won't bother to respond

FloodTheBathroom · 28/08/2022 11:31

I'd be very curious to know what some posters are like in real life. A lot of people seem to be incredibly mean and cold hearted. I just don't bother reading much I'd those threads and sometimes send a pm of solidarity to the OP!

LittleBearPad · 28/08/2022 11:32

Hiding relationships was the best decision I ever made!

ApolloandDaphne · 28/08/2022 11:33

I choose very carefully the threads I will respond to and the ones where I roll my eyes and scroll on. I've been here long enough to know the way some threads will go and there is no point disagreeing.

LittleBearPad · 28/08/2022 11:34

ApolloandDaphne · 28/08/2022 11:33

I choose very carefully the threads I will respond to and the ones where I roll my eyes and scroll on. I've been here long enough to know the way some threads will go and there is no point disagreeing.

Yep - was about to say the same thing. There could be a standard set of responses to some threads to copy and paste!

blockpavingismynightmare · 28/08/2022 11:35

Sometimes when I have penned a well thought out and kind response somebody comes on and says 'what a horrible thing to say'.
You can't win 'em all !

LittleBearPad · 28/08/2022 11:36

The volume of LTB responses is also batshit!

Fairislefandango · 28/08/2022 11:41

I think some people assume that MN is entirely or predominantly a forum for helping people. But it really isn't. I don't mean that as a criticism at all - most of MN is used for chat, entertainment, debate, information and sharing of mutual interests, and that's fine.

If you start a thread about a sensitive or sad personal issue, especially in sections like health, SEN or other boards aimed at helping people with difficulties, you can generally expect kind and helpful responses. It's pretty naïve to join a thread about, say, Brexit, designer handbags or bridezillas and expect the tone to be the same.

Original poster
NotSettlingIn · 28/08/2022 11:42

blockpavingismynightmare · 28/08/2022 11:35

Sometimes when I have penned a well thought out and kind response somebody comes on and says 'what a horrible thing to say'.
You can't win 'em all !

Yes, I have had some people misrepresent what I say. I suppose in real life (and on here), I never post out of malice or bad intentions. I only post if I have solid advice or to commiserate that what they are experiencing is indeed unpleasant, and when the words are taken out of context it can be demoralising. But then again maybe I am just a pretentious and uppity pain-in-the-arse and I don't know it!

OP posts:
Topgub · 28/08/2022 11:42

NotSettlingIn · 28/08/2022 11:24

I just saw a post on another thread I am in actually, is Mumsnet more about entertainment value than advice?

I'm used to MSE and Health forums so I think I have misunderstood!

I feel like a bit of an idiot now!

Thanks for your replies!!! They were lovely.

I certainly come to mumsnet for the entertainment/argument.

I think it lacks an actual debate board.

Fairislefandango · 28/08/2022 11:43

The volume of LTB responses is also batshit!

Hmmm. I reckon I agree with about 90% of LTB responses on MN. The number of women tolerating utter arseholes is staggering.

Original poster
NotSettlingIn · 28/08/2022 11:46

Fairislefandango · 28/08/2022 11:41

I think some people assume that MN is entirely or predominantly a forum for helping people. But it really isn't. I don't mean that as a criticism at all - most of MN is used for chat, entertainment, debate, information and sharing of mutual interests, and that's fine.

If you start a thread about a sensitive or sad personal issue, especially in sections like health, SEN or other boards aimed at helping people with difficulties, you can generally expect kind and helpful responses. It's pretty naïve to join a thread about, say, Brexit, designer handbags or bridezillas and expect the tone to be the same.

I was in a thread about a woman who was worried about the cost of living, she had difficult circumstances and the thread went badly. There was a lot of judgement and I couldn't see the basis for it.

I only join threads about relationships or general stuff I know about or care about. I wouldn't join something about designer handbags say because I don't know anything useful about them (I know thats not your point btw 😁)

OP posts:
Annieisalright · 28/08/2022 11:50

blockpavingismynightmare · 28/08/2022 11:35

Sometimes when I have penned a well thought out and kind response somebody comes on and says 'what a horrible thing to say'.
You can't win 'em all !

It's the people who either purposely or though sheer stupidity misunderstand peoples posts which really gets me sometimes on here

Especially around sensitive topics

I posted once a few years ago about a late stage miscarriage and finding it hard to then have my friend giving birth to her perfectly healthy baby a few weeks later

I posted a 'I'm just so sad that I lost my baby and she gets to bring hers home and not sure how to still be able to be around her once baby is here' and was accused by many posters of wishing my friend had a miscarriage so she'd be just as miserable as I was.

That hurt, and actually made me leave the site for a good couple of years before joining again.

DillAte · 28/08/2022 11:50

I think it just means that you're a man (those are the accusations you'll get at least).

Original poster
NotSettlingIn · 28/08/2022 11:52

So, as a person who actually does have time and a certain amount of experience, I should only post on places that are more niche? I don't think mumsnet is for me, but I suppose what I am saying is I think that it should be?

But then again that's not for me to decide is it? I can't wish for a calm place with rational debate on an internet forum. That's not how it works!

I think I am guilty of naivety!

OP posts:
Topgub · 28/08/2022 11:53

Lol @DillAte

I'd been 'accused' of being a man about 10x in my first week

🙄🤣