If I disagree with the majority of posters on mumsnet?

[NotSettlingIn]

Am I the problem?

I'm experiencing cognitive dissonance! I've been all over the place, but relationships and AIBU are places I just don't agree with what most (over half of posters say!). I wasn't expecting that. I'm quite calm usually 😂

Light-hearted (But slightly serious)!

and Hello everyone!

It's a mixture. Sometimes accepting other people have a totally different opinion, and yet are allowed to, can be hard. It's accepting that other people think you are wrong. So if you post thinking everyone will sigh with relief that you've come up with the solution, you're in for a disappointment!

Also people are somewhat more forthright than in real life. If you are talking about struggling for money, but are spending on essentials others think are luxuries, you will be told. In real life people are much gentler about that! I listen to a few friends whinge about how hard up they are. I also notice they are eating out and socialising far more often than me. I don't challenge them but I notice, and I don't offer advice unless they actually ask because they don't want it. They want to whinge.

I'm really sorry you went through that, you shouldn't have had to. Your feelings were completely normal and shouldn't have been invalidated in that way. I'm sorry.

I'd hang around a bit longer until you get a feel for it. The various boards are all different. Chat is usually ok, but very varied. AIBU seems to be mainly about judgement- I guess the clue is in the name, there.

There are a lot of varied opinions.

Many hues of crackers and many just mucking about, but plenty reasonable.

There are also just a lot of posts

I’m guessing you agree with some

It’s definitely entertainment for me - with the odd exception. (Some posters told me how to fold up a particular box once, something I’d been puzzling over for months.)

But I’m always surprised at how ill informed or plain wrong other people are! I shrug it off of it’s a serious subject (because half of them are invented anyway and the responders equally twisted) but Style and Beauty bewilders me. I might spend ages finding links for some prospective bride who never so much as acknowledges the effort. Or lose myself down rabbit holes trying to help someone put together an outfit from clothes that I would never wear myself - only to be piled on by a chorus of miserable souls. Particularly if one dares to step beyond Phase Eight and John Lewis. I just thank the lord that MN posters don’t get to decide what I wear or how I should think.

I was in a thread about a woman who was worried about the cost of living, she had difficult circumstances and the thread went badly. There was a lot of judgement and I couldn't see the basis for it.

If that's the one with the OP who was prompted to post because she was serving up 6 chicken thighs for dinner then plenty of reasonable people were on her side and she was more than able to stand up for herself. The awful poster who told her if she was capable of going on holiday in her wheelchair then she was capable of working just showed how low some people will go.

Lots of the responses are batshit and I've noticed that some reasoned responses are just ignored.
I remember once on a 'eating more fruit and veg' thread, a poster suggested adding fruit and veg to baking (as well as other ways to increase consumption) and suggested carrot cakes and blueberry muffins.
The responses were ridiculous, rude and insulting.

You don't have to be experiencing cognitive dissonance to realize that 90% of the advice on this site is complete and utter bollocks. But that's what makes it so entertaining.

I absolutely agree with some, there are some brilliant posters. I suppose it's just a case of working out if it is worth it. I just wish it wasn't offensive. Disagreements aren't really the problem I suppose, but it can feel very confronting. I said to someone that they were taking something out of context once and they gave a reply worthy of Gordon Ramsey 😃. I know it's not personal, but it still stayed with me for a little while.

I think I will be leaving actually. Not everything is for everyone. It's good to know that I'm not the only one thinking this though and I appreciate the posts. Thanks everyone!!

I find it really difficult sometimes as you can’t have a discussion about certain things without posters jumping down your throat or being rude.

I definitely think there are posters who go along with the majority.

There are also topics which are very biased and if you disagree you’re going to be in a minority - eg DV towards men, Step mums, MIL, sons above the age of 5.

I posted a 'I'm just so sad that I lost my baby and she gets to bring hers home and not sure how to still be able to be around her once baby is here' and was accused by many posters of wishing my friend had a miscarriage so she'd be just as miserable as I was.

Unfortunately the reality is that posters often come along to threads of that nature with their own set of baggage and you might have inadvertently been subject to their projections of their own experiences where they threw rocks at you as 'proxy' for what happened to them. It was awful what you experienced

unfortunately, no matter how bad a life problem, I would sadly never trust random people on the internet least of all Mumsnet to care for my emotional wellbeing by starting a thread to discuss a sensitive problem as it's too risky to stick your head above the parapet and have it shot at. I'm not on Twitter, Fb etc for that reason.

Even if you get mixed responses, the harsh ones that hurl accusations at you are the ones that hurt most when you're on a very low ebb. I'd sooner seek support from a professional eg GP, counsellor etc, even though it does often mean a wait and can be expensive - MN is so 'immediate' it's easy to mistake it as providing a solution, but for many subjects, it can make things a whole lot worse.

Yes I’d agree.

I think there is much kindness and good advice on here, but much else besides

It’s a very broad site

AIBU form is pretty much designed for arguments. It's not somewhere to post of you want serious discussion. Mumsnet goes have other boards but I tend to find they don't get anywhere near as many responses, so other platforms such as Facebook groups I've found better for actual discussion and also support and advice

Hiding relationships does reduce this but I would agree that many women seem to put up with all sorts of shit. It’s very sad.

Maybe I "unwatched" the thread too early, it just seemed to be going to a bad place.

There are a number of "types" I can identify on MN.
The extremely law-abiding pearl clutchers, the posh ones who love to swear on their comments so they feel part of something a bit more rough and ready than their normal life, and the social justice warriors.
Years ago ( under different names) I used to go head to head when I disagreed. Now much of the time I cba.

I think relationships is my "niche" place.... Maybe that's the problem😂

Is it? I mean I know it's the busiest but I often see things that aren't AIBU on there. I've been picking from titles that interest me on active threads as well, not from the AIBU board so I don't really think about it until the thread gets full on and I check where it is from.

I think the AIBU mentality has permeated throughout MN, to be honest.

I disagree with MN most of the time 😂

If you’re the drama then I am too 🤭

I agree. MN is batshit sometimes, and a bit like a Twitter feed that's not reflective of a wider society.

The ridiculous toilet debates (who the hell has washed and rung out a pair of their knickers in a communal sink 🙄).

Plus the eye watering racism. "I just don't SEE colour'

The snobbery 'just pop some olives into DDs lunchbox'

And the faux parenting 'oh 4yo DS just sorts out his own avocado on toast in the morning, I barely remember he's there sometimes.'

Shame as in small pockets it's a real force for good (ie bounty reps and maternity care)

MN does too little about the bullies on MN

i think they used to be more active in this regard (there has always been bullying on MN) not because it was a better place and posters were more understanding

it’s always the same one starts others follow

and at times people just want reassurance or to be heard. Some posters respond with well I wouldn’t let that happen/do that etc when it just isn’t relevant but they can’t help but inform you once again how they have it all worked out

then other times the support is amazing and can move me to tears

I'm sorry you went through this experience. I've not had the same, but broadly similar experience. My parents died 'relatively' young...56 (the age I am now) and 67. When my dad died at 56, I was very bitter that other people were still alive well past that age, or still had parents alive in their 80s or whatever, while my dad was dead at 56.

I didn't really want other people to not live past 56, it was part of the grieving process and trying to make sense of it all. Grief throws up all kinds of feelings and emotions, many of them unpleasant.

Report them but you have to give context.

I would agree however that the moderation isn’t as good as it used to be.

I keep trying to tell everybody.
On AIBU Any views expressed are not necessarily those of the people posting them.