Work full time and do all of the childcare during the weekends.

[NeoXY]

My DP is SAHP for the first year of our DD’s life and obviously looks after her Monday to Friday, although I always put her to bed.

However, apart from the first nap in the morning I’m doing all of the looking after during all of the weekends (I also do almost all of the cooking).

What do other families do where one parent works full time and one is SAHP? How do you share the looking after and the chores?

Equal leisure time does not just exist on Mumsnet. If they were true, my life wouldn't be real and it is.

Treat the SAHP as a job and the evenings and weekends get shared/split equitably so that both partners get some down time. I really don't think that's difficult to achieve.

Were both of you working with someone else looking after your DC pretty much from birth?

6 months

Take up golf or cycling and go out for most of Saturdays! Isn't that what most men who work full time do.

I think you need to force the equal relax time..get a chores list and make sure it's split fairly. He must be able to find sometime during the day to shop/clean as women seem to manage.

There is research somewhere demonstrating that hours spent on household and childcare responsibilities are only split 50/50 where the male parent is a SAHP. In other words, the female parent does the same amount at home as the male parent but also works on top of that. In all other cases, even when both parents work full-time, the female parent does the majority of housework and childcare hours.

@NeoXY

I took a short (ish) mat leave and then we shared childcare between us.

Why?

I think both of you have a full time job mon- fri and the weekends have to be shared. My husband has taken the kids out this morning so I can crack on with house stuff in peace, I will go to the gym at dinner/ bath time. I took the kids to the park yesterday and he played video games for an hr. Tomorrow being a bank hol probably take the kids out together. It’s just courtesy. I put a wash on- he’ll hang it out if he sees it’s finished. I’ll write the shopping list, he’ll go do the shopping, I’ll put it away.

Do you have equal leisure time?

Well you're a machine.

You work full time, you have a baby who is now technically able of sleeping through the night - but babies don't seem to read the same internet posts. Then after 6am you get the luxury of what 90mins of sleep tops?

You then come home do the cooking and put baby to bed.

Then at the weekend you do the majority of the childcare.

It's not sustainable and your partner needs to do more.

When ours were little and I was on maternity leave, I did everything Monday - Friday (including night wakings), although my DH would often do bath & bedtime & read stories etc whilst I made our dinner.

Weekends were split fairly with each of us getting one lie in day and then sharing chores throughout the weekend. My DH used to make dinner most Saturdays & Sundays (we'd get takeout on a Friday night).

When I went back to work, we then carried on with that split & have pretty much done 50/50 ever since.

You definitely need a break - weekends should be split equally.

Bloody hell op. You must be knackered. Let him do some night feeds. Baby will be ok!

I'm a sahp. I do the cooking and put dc to bed. I do them to give dh some time to himself.
On the weekend we're doing things together and taking it in turns.

When my youngest was a baby my dh did many night feeds. I had terrible pnd and he knew the sleep deprivation was amping it up. He was working full time. Having a baby is hard and I think you have to prop each other up.

What is your dp doing evenings and weekends?

As it reads you would be far better off paying for childcare and getting dp out to work...you gain nothing from having a sahp

I am not sure why people have babies and then complain about not getting' me time' . I have 3 teenagers and the last time I had me time was pre children. For what it's worth, I think when children are very small, the working parent probably gets more me time. I used to envy my husband committee to London as he got to read the paper and chill. He also got home just as kids went to bed so missed the tired early evenings and teatime/ bathtime chaos. Best thing we did was compact his hours to do a day a week of the childcare. This gave him a clear picture of what was easiest and he was always happy to help at weekend. ( we did have 3 pre schoolers for a year though which was full on mayhem!)

Another cocklodger pretending he does as much as a sah mum.

I am not sure why people have babies and then complain about not getting' me time' . I have 3 teenagers and the last time I had me time was pre children you havent done anything for yourself in over 10years-????

@vdbfamily

Because having kids doesn't mean you can never do anything for yourself ever again?

Especially if you're not a single parent?

Blimey, no wonder birth rates are going down if this is what motherhood is supposed to entail 😄!

Thanks for all the input. I should say my husband is by no means lazy and he does the washing, cleaning and also cleaning up after dinner. We do live in a small flat, though, so the cleaning doesn’t take that much time.

It is interesting though, as one poster also referred to the research, as much as people talk about equal society and all that, and individual people are different, I think man are just wired differently. As mentioned my DH does get involved with the housework as well and he is a good father, but I can tell he does feel that he is doing a lot and deserves a break, and then views the weekends as mum / daughter time. Whilst I agree that he does deserve a break, but I forget that I should make sure that I also have some me time. And I do believe, although not everyone, this is probably how many women and men do think. Even though we moved forward…

If you think men are wired differently then surely he should be working?

Why are being so arsey? Why is your husband one the one who stays home, and how did you decide?

DH had children Saturday morning and I would sort the house / washing / shopping
I’d take them in the afternoon so he could rest - usually to friends play dates park etc
mid have them Sunday AM when he played golf - then he’d take over and take them out park /friends/ farm etc

So I had one afternoon and one jobs
he had golf and one afternoon

So not entirely fair split in child care but it worked for a long time

Some days we did do family days out - so we’d share jobs early evening - sorting washing etc

In the week is cook tea and do baths
Hed wash up and read a story or vice versa so each did something to contribute

@Revolvingwhore

I'm not being arsey?

I dont understand your question

I didnt say my oh stayed home?

Maybe because you have a weird chip on your shoulder about parents who don’t work?

@CaptainFlubby

Not as big as your chip about me

🤣