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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My elderly dad's neighbours are demanding money

159 replies

BruhWhy · 28/08/2022 07:05

About two months ago, some local kids set fire to my dad's fence that runs from the front of his house to the left, and joins onto his neighbour's fence that separates his and their back gardens.

It was terrifying for him, it spread and caught his wheelie bins alight and nearly set alight his mobility car and shed. The fire service had to attend to get it under control at 1am. Confirmed arson, the same kids had been doing it all week.

A few days after this happened he got a note through the door from his neighbour to the left asking him when he was going to replace their fence panel that was burned. He went to speak to them and told them that they'd have to wait a while because he's a disabled pensioner and he hasn't got fence panel money spare, they weren't happy but accepted it.

They've since come to speak to him three more times getting more irate each time because their dog keeps escaping through the damaged fence.

I don't think he should be replacing their fence panel AT ALL, it's their fence and it was damaged by arson, not my dad being careless, if it was my dad's fault I could understand but he didn't set it alight. This is all causing him massive anxiety.

I'm going to go round and speak to them Monday and tell them to piss off, but am AIBU? Is it his responsibility because the fire started on his property?

OP posts:
TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 28/08/2022 07:07

If you 100% sure that its their fence then no YANBU. Your poor Dad I hope he gets it sorted.

RunningSME · 28/08/2022 07:07

No it’s not his problem and it’s not his responsibility does anybody have insurance ?

FizzyTango · 28/08/2022 07:08

if they don’t want their dog to escape they need to secure their garden.
Not your dad’s fault at all. You don’t have to have a fence so he could just choose not to replace it. Plus given the circumstances around how it happened they are being really unfair. Definitely go and talk to them and tell them the law and to stop harassing your Dad.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 28/08/2022 07:08

Fences are normally 50/50 but this should be agreed in advance and he doesn’t have to have a fence or agree to it.

PollyPaintsFlowers · 28/08/2022 07:09

Not your dad's problem. Not his fence, not his fire

PoppyFleur · 28/08/2022 07:09

Does the neighbour think your dad has building insurance and has made a claim for the damage?

FizzyTango · 28/08/2022 07:10

Oh I just re-read. They want money gif their own fence panel?? Oh no they can fuck off. Not your Dad’s responsibility at all. If there is a crime number for the arson then I’d pass that along to them. They can take it up with their own insurance.

Wibbly1008 · 28/08/2022 07:10

Their insurance should pay for their fence! Outrageous.

FizzyTango · 28/08/2022 07:10

*for

Singlebutmarried · 28/08/2022 07:10

Does the neighbour not have insurance? This is what it is for.

Skatewing · 28/08/2022 07:11

Your Dad was a victim of a crime. If their fence was damaged too then they needed to log it for an incident number for their insurance.
It doesn't sound like they have insurance, instead, they are hoping your Dad will replace.
What they are doing is harrassment. Tell them to stop but also make a log of everything in case they don't. Sorry to hear this is happening to your Dad.
It is not your Dad's responsibility to replace theirs!

Randomness12 · 28/08/2022 07:13

Definitely step in here and tell them to piss off. They are trying to take advantage. I’d make it clear that you know what has been going on and it stops now. They replace their fence, just as he will replace his own.

id also visit more too at sporadic times so they know your dad isn’t alone. Sad times but necessary.

Original poster
BruhWhy · 28/08/2022 07:14

Definitely their fence, he's responsible for the right-hand fence. No buildings insurance, only contents, it's a housing association property so all outside work gets carried out by them. He's tried asking them to fix the fence panel but obviously they've said no because it belongs to his neighbour, and they own their house!

OP posts:
MushMonster · 28/08/2022 07:14

They need to contact their insurance or if it is your fence, then your father's insurance, but definitively stop bothering your father! The neighbour can place a fence on their side for the time being by the way!

girlmom21 · 28/08/2022 07:17

You need to go and see them and tell them it's not his fence so he won't be replacing it.

Original poster
BruhWhy · 28/08/2022 07:17

Ok good, this seems to all back up what I was thinking, I was worried that because the fire started on his side they'd have a point.

I'm not sure if he has a crime reference number, I'll try to find out and then I'll give them that, cheeky fuckers.

OP posts:
MushMonster · 28/08/2022 07:18

Just read your update.
So it is their fence, so they are responsible for sorting it. The only thing your father needs to do is provide the police report number of the incident if the neighbours do not have it.
I would have a stern chat with them making clear they are not to bother my father again about the fence. And if they do, I would report to the housing association.
Keep the letters, they are proof of the matter.

ivykaty44 · 28/08/2022 07:19

You don’t have to legally have fences between property

you can jyst have wire if you choose or nothing

if they need to contain a dog then it’s up to them to find ways of doing that

they can put a fence up but it would need to be within their boundary

if they have a problem tell them to contact the council for advise and stop harassing your father

hummerbird · 28/08/2022 07:24

The HA decision about ownership seems to be the deciding point. If NDN wants to take it further they must challenge HA not for DF. Good Luck with that!

TidyDancer · 28/08/2022 07:26

They probably know what's what here and that's why they're harassing your dad rather than the housing association, they know they are more likely to wear down an elderly man. Go round, take them the HA's details and tell them to take it up with them. They'll get nowhere obviously (because they are firmly in the wrong) but they need to stop pursuing your dad. If they continue with their harassment after that, I would consider reporting it to the police. It must be intimidating to have them continually turn up like that.

Unescorted · 28/08/2022 07:31

Let his HA housing officer know and then next time the NDN speak to him he can just say it has been reported to the HA. If they have a dispute it needs to be taken up with the HA directly.

Goldbar · 28/08/2022 07:32

If it's a housing association property, tell them to take it up with the HA and leave your dad alone, otherwise you and he will be contacting the police to report their harassment of him. Since it's their fence and there was no negligence on your dad's side, they're not likely to get far.

dworky · 28/08/2022 07:40

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 28/08/2022 07:08

Fences are normally 50/50 but this should be agreed in advance and he doesn’t have to have a fence or agree to it.

No they're not. Your house deeds clearly show which side fence is your responsibility.

Arbesque · 28/08/2022 07:43

They sound like a pair of chancers trying to trick an elderly man. You are totally right to go around. I'd be making it very clear you'll be making an official complaint to the police if they continue harassing him.

itsgettingweird · 28/08/2022 07:47

BruhWhy · 28/08/2022 07:17

Ok good, this seems to all back up what I was thinking, I was worried that because the fire started on his side they'd have a point.

I'm not sure if he has a crime reference number, I'll try to find out and then I'll give them that, cheeky fuckers.

The fire was started as arson so a crime.

Where it started isn't really relevant because it wasn't your dad either by accident or deliberately.

If they set fire to the neighbours fence I bet they wouldn't be forming out to replace your dads fencing that was damaged at the same time?

Agree with them contacting police for crime reference number for their insurance.