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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My elderly dad's neighbours are demanding money

159 replies

BruhWhy · 28/08/2022 07:05

About two months ago, some local kids set fire to my dad's fence that runs from the front of his house to the left, and joins onto his neighbour's fence that separates his and their back gardens.

It was terrifying for him, it spread and caught his wheelie bins alight and nearly set alight his mobility car and shed. The fire service had to attend to get it under control at 1am. Confirmed arson, the same kids had been doing it all week.

A few days after this happened he got a note through the door from his neighbour to the left asking him when he was going to replace their fence panel that was burned. He went to speak to them and told them that they'd have to wait a while because he's a disabled pensioner and he hasn't got fence panel money spare, they weren't happy but accepted it.

They've since come to speak to him three more times getting more irate each time because their dog keeps escaping through the damaged fence.

I don't think he should be replacing their fence panel AT ALL, it's their fence and it was damaged by arson, not my dad being careless, if it was my dad's fault I could understand but he didn't set it alight. This is all causing him massive anxiety.

I'm going to go round and speak to them Monday and tell them to piss off, but am AIBU? Is it his responsibility because the fire started on his property?

OP posts:
pollymere · 29/08/2022 19:13

The key thing to realise is that it wasn't your Dad's fence that got burnt down. It was his neighbours. If they own the fence to the right then the whole fence is their responsibility and they need to get it fixed. I would point this out to them. Perhaps via a note through the door?

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 29/08/2022 19:20

Your poor dad does not need that extra hassle and pressure on him now at this time as he must have been afraid and shocked at what happened. Good advise from others on here and get the crime no. etc. It is not his responsibility at all as yobs started the fire. He needs to fix his fence or get onto his insurance himself and leave your poor dad alone. Just stay calm and get your points across but I think I would have a letter written down with the facts as they sound quite pushy and if it was me could forget half of what I wanted to say. If you are unsure ring Citizens advise before you go and talk to that stalker neighbour as they will clarify what is what. Tell them to leave your poor dad alone and do not bring them flowers as someone suggested. Do not give them your telephone number as they will hound you and tell them if they keep calling to your dad you will inform the police that you are harrassing him. How is he holding up, must be awful for him. Hope the little shits who did it get caught.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 29/08/2022 19:21

Ha!! need a diagram..

Everyflippingusernameistaken · 29/08/2022 19:30

I don’t know where you got that idea from fences are not 50-50

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 29/08/2022 19:33

ooops sorry the flowers thing was on another thread, have peri-meno brain ..keep a log also of times/dates they called and anything else and take photos of said fence etc.

HarryBlaster · 29/08/2022 19:56

Wow what arseholes. I’m so sorry for your dad x

Slv199 · 29/08/2022 20:00

BruhWhy · 28/08/2022 07:17

Ok good, this seems to all back up what I was thinking, I was worried that because the fire started on his side they'd have a point.

I'm not sure if he has a crime reference number, I'll try to find out and then I'll give them that, cheeky fuckers.

It would only be his responsibility because it started on his side if he was the one who started it.

Justbefair · 29/08/2022 20:09

Wtf! We have always gone halves with neighbours with fences but if we knew they were elderly and couldn't afford it we would just pay. This is just despicable and I'm so sorry your poor Dad is going through this. Will house insurance cover, not that it helps with the problem if having such horrible neighbours, meaning on their side they could claim? When did society become so cold and inhumane that fellow human beings would even consider such intimidation? Goodness me, the terror of this happening and then being bullied to pay for it. You need toilet everyone around him know what is going on to support him. Xxx

TheMamaYo · 29/08/2022 20:12

I hope your conversation with them went well? They are definitely in the wrong, this is not your dad's responsibility, he didn't start the fire. Could you ask the HA to write to them?

Irridescantshimmmer · 29/08/2022 20:31

If the nieghbours don't accept that the damage to the fence is not your elderly dad's responsibility to replace, which it is not, then I suggest you threaten them with the police because they can be done for harassment.

Livelovebehappy · 29/08/2022 21:03

Maybe there’s some misunderstanding and their understanding of what’s happened has got lost in translation. They might not have the full facts of how the fire started. Put them in the picture of what happened, and tell them that your dad will not be arranging to replace their fence. They need to claim off their insurance, or just sort it themselves. Arseholes.

Kennykenkencat · 29/08/2022 21:26

Give them the crime number and the address/email address and the name of the person who would deal with this type of thing at the HA.
Then they can either claim off their home insurance or get the HA to claim off their policy. But if they are responsible for that side then it is up to them to get the fence repaired

I would double check which side of the fence your df’s house is responsible for, take a screen shot or photo of the document and show them.

Hopefully it can be done amicably. If not I would also be telling them that if they continue to hound your df then you would consider it harassment.

I have come across the odd property where in a street everyone up to a certain number is responsible for the left hand side boundary but then one house has it in their deeds they are responsible for both sides and from their NDN on it changes to everyone with a higher number being responsible for the right hand side.

fetchacloth · 29/08/2022 21:42

The neighbour's fence, their problem and their insurance.
It's also the neighbour's responsibility to secure their own property to stop the dog escaping. Basically, The neighbours need to get their act together instead of pestering their elderly neighbour.🙄

autienotnaughty · 29/08/2022 21:48

It doesn't sound like your dad is responsible but for all the responses re 50:50. On my estate all fences are all 50:50 .

fetchacloth · 29/08/2022 23:12

autienotnaughty · 29/08/2022 21:48

It doesn't sound like your dad is responsible but for all the responses re 50:50. On my estate all fences are all 50:50 .

It depends what is on the deeds.
On our estate each householder is responsible for the left hand side of their garden and across the back.
This does lead to some anomalies though. I'm the end house and there is a house around the corner from me on both sides so I'm not responsible for any of the fences. That said I offer to chip in 50% where required as I would feel guilty not doing so. It's the right thing to do. 🙂

Toomuchtrouble4me · 30/08/2022 07:35

The whole ‘my fence/your fence’ thing is not a legal obligation. It’s a common agreed understanding that suits most. There is absolutely no legal obligation to fence off one’s borders - and if he doesn’t have the money then he can’t do it.
just tell them straight that he can’t afford it, won’t be going it and continued harassment hit him to do something that he is not legally obliged to do, will result in police intervention and a request for an ASBO against neighbours harassing elderly gent.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 30/08/2022 07:37

fetchacloth · 29/08/2022 23:12

It depends what is on the deeds.
On our estate each householder is responsible for the left hand side of their garden and across the back.
This does lead to some anomalies though. I'm the end house and there is a house around the corner from me on both sides so I'm not responsible for any of the fences. That said I offer to chip in 50% where required as I would feel guilty not doing so. It's the right thing to do. 🙂

Show quote history

This is just. It true. Legally you DO NOT HAVE TO FENCE OR MARK YOUR BORDERS at all. It is not a legal requirement.

Lily4444 · 30/08/2022 07:42

I’d check on the house deeds/tenancy agreement who is legally responsible for the fence. If it is your dad then they’ll just have to wait and if they continue harassing him, I’d actually report it.

Meraas · 30/08/2022 07:50

Even if it was your dad’s fence, legally they can’t make him replace it or ask him for the money to replace it.

StoneofDestiny · 30/08/2022 08:27

Absolutely not his responsibility. Let them pursue the criminals if they want. Their dogs, their fence, their responsibility.
I'd certainly tell them he has no intention of paying for their fence and that if they keep badgering him about it you will report them for harassment.

sue20 · 30/08/2022 08:32

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 28/08/2022 07:08

Fences are normally 50/50 but this should be agreed in advance and he doesn’t have to have a fence or agree to it.

Here in the UK fences are sole responsibility with a system of one each house ie to the left each house. It’s a bit complicated and has precedents involved. OP sounds very certain that this fence isn’t her father’s responsibility. Also fire not his responsibility. Also neighbour has to accept responsibility for containing dog. Also neighbour is harassing her father. They sound horrible. So just politely indicate all this and keep on it harass back!

sue20 · 30/08/2022 08:41

Everyflippingusernameistaken · 29/08/2022 19:30

I don’t know where you got that idea from fences are not 50-50

Is this dependent on which country? My understanding is that I’m responsible for the left fence. In UK.

Movinghouseatlast · 30/08/2022 08:45

sue20 · 30/08/2022 08:41

Is this dependent on which country? My understanding is that I’m responsible for the left fence. In UK.

Show quote history

No, this is not correct. The rules on fences vary massively from house to house. To be sure you need to check your deeds.

Look on gov.uk for the rules on fences.

Kennykenkencat · 30/08/2022 11:39

Toomuchtrouble4me · 30/08/2022 07:35

The whole ‘my fence/your fence’ thing is not a legal obligation. It’s a common agreed understanding that suits most. There is absolutely no legal obligation to fence off one’s borders - and if he doesn’t have the money then he can’t do it.
just tell them straight that he can’t afford it, won’t be going it and continued harassment hit him to do something that he is not legally obliged to do, will result in police intervention and a request for an ASBO against neighbours harassing elderly gent.

It is on your house deeds. It isn’t something you and your neighbours have come up with

Whilst there might not be a legal obligation to put up a fence. Again you have to check your house deeds and what Covenants are in place.
My last house did say a boundary fence or wall had to be in place at all times and who was responsible for which bit.

Although a section fell down in a storm and remained down for a couple of years. My NDN had a dog my dog was very friendly with and they would run in and out of our back gardens playing.

Crocky · 30/08/2022 15:53

@sue20 I am in the uk and on our estate we have shared responsibility for each fence.