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Original poster

To tell you that I finally did it..

66 replies

tryingtobestrong2 · 27/08/2022 19:30

Ive left. I've left my violent, angry, toxic ex.

I posted earlier on in the week about my ex partner and domestic violence. I left him about a week ago and he's been hounding me ever since.

Today it came to a head with him sending me a video of him overdosing (which turns out he didn't even swallow) before telling me I had killed him. He was sending slurred voice notes etc leading me to believe he was dying. It was traumatic. He was taken to hospital and the police came round and i finally told them everything.

He's out of hospital now, parked outside my house, and he's blocked on all forms of contact. I feel totally, utterly heartbroken. How can someone you loved and cared for and tried to help do this? I feel scared, I feel alone, I feel so sad, but the worst part is I'm worried about him.

But I've done it, I've left. How does this get any easier?

OP posts:
FangsForTheMemory · 27/08/2022 19:32

Congratulations, and I'm so glad you called the police!

Leafy3 · 27/08/2022 19:36

Op, you've been and are being so strong.

I remember your post, well done for keeping to your guns. Its all worth it, I promise.

You've made space by clearing out the dead, rotting wood from your life for so much new, vibrant growth. That space previously taken up by that malignant waste of space will be filled by people who actually do love you and many happy and fulfilling times.

We all feel scared when dealing with the unknown, but its good that awaits you in your new life.

He doesn't deserve your pity and you will heal from the heartbreak x

IHaveADream14 · 27/08/2022 19:40

Couldn't have put it better myself @Leafy3!

Well done @tryingtobestrong2. Stay strong. You've absolutely got this 💪

AthenaPopodopolous · 27/08/2022 19:42

Just phone the police. The man is a danger to himself and especially you. Is he still outside your door? Get a solicitor to get an interdict with a warrant of arrest too.

Ilikewinter · 27/08/2022 19:43

Oh wow well done OP.
Hes now going to try every trick he knows because he won't be able to deal with the fact that you've left him.
Stay strong , youve done the hardest bit 💐

Original poster
tryingtobestrong2 · 27/08/2022 19:46

Thanks so much guys. It means a lot. It's funny how they worm their way in and then tangle themselves around your life :'(

OP posts:
Twillow · 27/08/2022 19:47

I second calling the police again. I imagine they will send him firmly on his way with a warning about stalking if he continues.

MrsPerfect12 · 27/08/2022 19:47

If he's parked outside your house call the police so you have a log. You'll be able to use it for a restraining order.
congratulations 🥳 you've done the right thing.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 27/08/2022 19:56

First of all, if he's still Outside, call the police. Each & every time until he gets a non -mol (or whatever the latest thing is meaning he can't come near you). Do that first!

then, CONGRATULATIONS!!! You ARE strong!!

you've done a very difficult thing, now you have to do the hardest part, keepnhim
out of your life!

I don't know how someone who claims to live you can do what he's done to you, BUT he HAS & you cannot go back!

LOVE doesn't just stop. But what we feel isn't always actually live, it's a mixture of all kinds of emotions.

it hurts like fuck, but you WILL get through this & in time it WILL stop hurting.

in the meantime you have to rely on your head, not your heart to make decisions.

had he gone? Have the police moved him on?

Soubriquet · 27/08/2022 19:58

Congratulations! That’s a massive step

Now it’s important not to go back because it will prove to him, that acting like that will work.

Please ring the police because he is stalking you

Original poster
tryingtobestrong2 · 27/08/2022 20:01

The police told me they can't do anything about him being parked somewhere public as it's his right? Also said the restraining order is a civil thing that you do via a court and with a solicitor. They didn't instil much hope in to me to be honest..

OP posts:
RandomMess · 27/08/2022 20:04

Phone rights of women for free help to get a restraining order Flowers

Itstrueiagree · 27/08/2022 20:06

It can only get better. It will only get worse if you let him back into your life. Well done, you're really strong to have done that even if you don't feel it right now. You've done the hardest part. Stick to it. The minute you budge on that you will regret it big time. Don't feel sorry for him as that's exactly what he wants. He sounds very manipulative. You're more intelligent than to fall for his games. Eventually hopefully he'll get bored and go away. Stay safe.

Leafy3 · 27/08/2022 20:14

@tryingtobestrong2 here this is the link you want www.ncdv.org.uk/domestic-violence-protection-orders/

They will help you sort a free non molestation order and if you get powers of arrest attached to it then if he breaks the order, the police will arrest him.

I've used them and they're a brilliant organisation.

vipersnest1 · 27/08/2022 20:40

OP, can you stretch to some CCTV cameras? On offer, they're around £50 with the SD card needed (to store any clips recorded).
If you get them, don't forget to put up 'CCTV cameras in operation' signs so you've covered yourself legally.
You could make sure they cover the road outside and any approaches to your home.
I've got a couple inside my front windows. This means while they can't record audio, they're inside so no-one can touch them.
I also have one covering the gate to my back garden.

Eeksteek · 27/08/2022 20:52

vipersnest1 · 27/08/2022 20:40

OP, can you stretch to some CCTV cameras? On offer, they're around £50 with the SD card needed (to store any clips recorded).
If you get them, don't forget to put up 'CCTV cameras in operation' signs so you've covered yourself legally.
You could make sure they cover the road outside and any approaches to your home.
I've got a couple inside my front windows. This means while they can't record audio, they're inside so no-one can touch them.
I also have one covering the gate to my back garden.

Definitely this. It’s amazing how they aren’t abusive in front of witnesses.

Well done. It’s very, very hard. It takes time to pull your life together, but you won’t regret it.

SunnyD44 · 27/08/2022 20:53

Well done OP!

He sounds like an absolute dickhead and I’m glad you’ve blocked him on everything as he can’t get in your head as much if he can’t contact you.

You say he’s violent. So I would be very concerned about him staying outside your house all of the time.

Did he ever get arrested for violence when you were together?

Do you live alone?

I would be tempted to go and stay in a hotel for a couple of nights so you can get some peace from him as you’re going to be constantly on edge else.

Jellybean23 · 27/08/2022 20:59

Well done girl, you are on your way to a better life. His fake suicide shows what a miserable weak person he really is. It's an act to make you feel guilty. He can't believe this is happening to him. He, who had you completely under his control, in his power. People who fake suicide usually do it for attention, sympathy and to regain control. Don't be fooled or waiver from your aim to be free of him once and for all.

Keep a personal alarm in your pocket or attached to your wrist for reassurance.

Draw the curtains, don't look at him. He's gonna be just fine.

Notconfident · 27/08/2022 21:03

tryingtobestrong2 · 27/08/2022 20:01

The police told me they can't do anything about him being parked somewhere public as it's his right? Also said the restraining order is a civil thing that you do via a court and with a solicitor. They didn't instil much hope in to me to be honest..

They can and will intervene if it's part of harrassment. Set up CCTV/Ring doorbell to gather evidence. In the meantime get a civil restraining order, it will give more ammo with the police if he continues to do it afterwards.

Original poster
tryingtobestrong2 · 27/08/2022 21:07

I'm going to look into all of the above. I just feel a deep, intense anxiety and a lot of sadness. I want kids more than anything though and having kids with a man like that would have been so so awful. That's what I have to remember

OP posts:
MzHz · 27/08/2022 21:07

Good for you! Well done. Stay strong, we’re all here for you xx

tellyiscrap · 27/08/2022 21:10

Well done you !!! You have 100% done the right thing .. keep talking here if you want to talk or need someone to listen

Keep strong - you have done the hardest part 💐

RincewindsHat · 27/08/2022 21:20

Congratulations OP, I remember your post and you've done so well to break it off. I don't have any advice other than do not enter into ANY conversations with him, he will be a master manipulator and will say absolutely anything to get you to do what HE wants you to do, and will tug on all the heartstrings he can find. Wishing you all the best, and when you've found someone amazing who treats you like you deserve to be treated and who will be a great father to your kids, it will be so worth it.

Libelula21 · 27/08/2022 21:27

It’s sounds to me you have done absolutely the right thing, but it also strikes me that this might be the time of maximum risk. Log everything, stay safe, keep the police informed, and do not let him come through your door.

How long have you been with him, OP?

PMAmostofthetime · 27/08/2022 22:28

@tryingtobestrong2 It's worth calling them to log it as they CAN issue an harassment order on him and if you called again if he approaches the house you would already be on high alert to get police dispatched. It's also evidence if you do need a restraining order.

Well done on leaving, stay strong.

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