To feel like I've let myself and my kids down this summer?

Issummeroveralready · 2022-08-27T11:47:13+00:00

So back to school next week and I feel I have let the kids down this summer. We've hardly done anything. They've played lots of computer games and played in the garden, but haven't put them into any clubs or anything. They've seen friends a tiny bit but we've missed out on all the fun and parties other people seem to be having. Partly because we've been a bit disorganised and partly because I've had to work. I feel genuinely sad the summer is over as for personal reasons I haven't really had any fun. I have managed to get a bit fitter and lost a bit of weight, but that's about it. AIBU to feel we haven't made the most of this summer?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 27/08/2022 12:49

It sounds fab tbh and I bet they've loves just relaxing, especially as the weather has been so warm.

Endlesslypatient82 · 27/08/2022 12:50

Why have you hardly done anything?

Because you have Been working throughout?

Original poster

Issummeroveralready · 27/08/2022 12:52

Why have you hardly done anything?

Because you have Been working throughout?

Yes. I had 10 days off but they just vanished.

OP posts:

Endlesslypatient82 · 27/08/2022 12:53

Issummeroveralready · 27/08/2022 12:52

Why have you hardly done anything?

Because you have Been working throughout?

Yes. I had 10 days off but they just vanished.

What did you do on the 10 days off?

Original poster

Issummeroveralready · 27/08/2022 12:53

Also money has been very tight.

OP posts:

mrstnov13 · 27/08/2022 12:53

Don't be hard on yourself. I'm sure the kids have enjoyed being at home and having relaxed days, I know mine have. I understand though- money has been an issue for us this summer but we've had lots of picnics and play dates between work.

ChateauMargaux · 27/08/2022 12:56

Congratulations on getting fit and loosing weight! 'All those parties that other people are having' is not reflective of the average family, even if it feels like it. We have had lots of computer playing here too and some just hanging out around the house. We don't have to make the most of every day, every weekend and every summer. Maybe you needed a summer without drama, to get through every day and be in your own space. I am sorry to read that you didn't have fun but I hope that you had rest and contentment. Camps can be quite full on and a bit like the routine of school but without your usual crowd, so I think it's nice when your kids get to the age that they can roll out of bed when they want, put pasta on for lunch and play computer games all day rather than having to be up for camp every day.

Knittedfairies · 27/08/2022 12:57

Don't get taken in by the reports 'of the fun and parties other people are having'. Your children have had a relaxing summer, and you didn't make your situation worse by paying for clubs with money you can't spare. Well done for getting a bit fitter!

Original poster

Issummeroveralready · 27/08/2022 12:57

Don't be hard on yourself. I'm sure the kids have enjoyed being at home and having relaxed days, I know mine have. I understand though- money has been an issue for us this summer but we've had lots of picnics and play dates between work.

That sounds nice. I wish I had done more picnics and stuff! And playdates. Unfortunately our friends have been very busy doing their own things so it's been hard to arrange stuff.

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Endlesslypatient82 · 27/08/2022 12:58

Focus on what you did during your fortnight off! What did you do?

ChateauMargaux · 27/08/2022 13:00

I was going to add 'not having to worry about how much camps, activities and holidays were costing'... this for me is a big thing too..

Original poster

Issummeroveralready · 27/08/2022 13:00

Congratulations on getting fit and loosing weight! 'All those parties that other people are having' is not reflective of the average family, even if it feels like it. We have had lots of computer playing here too and some just hanging out around the house. We don't have to make the most of every day, every weekend and every summer. Maybe you needed a summer without drama, to get through every day and be in your own space. I am sorry to read that you didn't have fun but I hope that you had rest and contentment. Camps can be quite full on and a bit like the routine of school but without your usual crowd, so I think it's nice when your kids get to the age that they can roll out of bed when they want, put pasta on for lunch and play computer games all day rather than having to be up for camp every day.

Thank you. That makes me feel much better. Yes I think I also felt like withdrawing from all routine and perhaps took it a bit far!

OP posts:

Original poster

Issummeroveralready · 27/08/2022 13:01

Focus on what you did during your fortnight off! What did you do?

It was so unmemorable I actually can't remember!

OP posts:

Endlesslypatient82 · 27/08/2022 13:06

Issummeroveralready · 27/08/2022 13:01

Focus on what you did during your fortnight off! What did you do?

It was so unmemorable I actually can't remember!

That’s a shame then. Next summer, pre break up, perhaps have a couple of days where you set aside a plan for the day - needn’t be expensive. A picnic, trip to the coast - that kind of thing

THisbackwithavengeance · 27/08/2022 13:07

We had a 2 week holiday but the rest of the time DH, DS1 and have been working and the younger kids have spent their time either out with friends or mooching around the house, eating, gaming, watching Netflix, on their phones.

We have friends who do something every day with their kids which is an expensive, tiresome business if you ask me but different strokes etc...

I wouldn't feel guilty at all. They are relaxing before they have to start school again.

Original poster

Issummeroveralready · 27/08/2022 13:09

Yes I think I will start making a plan for next summer. Part of my issue (not to drip feed) is that dh is very bad with plans and so he just does spontaneous stuff but then it's not much fun as no planning or prep has gone into it. I think I will just have to plan despite him

OP posts:

1AngelicFruitCake · 27/08/2022 13:09

Issummeroveralready · 27/08/2022 13:01

Focus on what you did during your fortnight off! What did you do?

It was so unmemorable I actually can't remember!

Thats a shame, I would say plan things in. Our council have done free activities. Could be having a movie afternoon with curtains closed and popcorn from the supermarket, picnic in the park, treasure hunt etc. Ask your children for ideas (could still do something before they go back).

nameisnotimportant · 27/08/2022 13:11

Some of my favourite memories as a kid was playing in the hosue and back garden with my siblings. You don't need activities and fancy events to make memories. In fact I used to hate going out in the summer because it was always stressful as my parents really wanted us to have a good time and then there would be arguments and we would get overtired. All i wanted to do was play in the mud and water in the back garden. Kids don't need much and if you have spent time with them that's good enough !

frangipani13 · 27/08/2022 13:12

I think there’s a lot to be said for chilled summers without having stuff scheduled in all the time. There’s the cost aspect for one thing! Mums end up doing the lions share /all the organising and its utterly exhausting. I find the lack of routine coupled with the pressure to plan activities and days out a lot. Go easy on yourself OP

Sunshineandrainbow · 27/08/2022 13:14

There is still time to do a picnic and rounders or similar in park.

We often used to just make lunch at home and bag it up and walk to park with badminton set. Eating usual lunch in Park changed things up and didn't need to be full on picnic.

Darkness22 · 27/08/2022 13:15

Op, I was you last summer! It was a really shit one from my perspective. I had to work a lot more than expected and they hung round the house while dh wfh. I felt awful for them and unrested myself. I'm pretty sure the dc didn't really notice.

This year I decided to make a few changes, but hard with little money. This year I managed to put a bit of money aside for ice creams, lunches etc. I also joined national trust for free days out, and money aside for extrs fuel. It has been more successful definitely and I have no guilt. They've still not had playdates as I think most kids are in holiday clubs whilst parents work. I think I will use the same approach next year.

Ultimately the dc were just absolutely wiped out from school and needed a rest. The amount of stuff that was going on in the last half term was phenomenal and unsustainable.

I wouldn't worry about it, op. It's a really long time to plan for, but we've done it!!! We made it through!!

Twillow · 27/08/2022 13:17

I feel the same. It's hard to get time off in the summer in my industry and I need to work overtime to keep us afloat so not much energy/organisation. I feel rather jealous of people who get away for exotic holidays. To be honest though, most of my friends and colleagues have just done day trips this year too.

megacat · 27/08/2022 13:17

There is so much pressure to be constantly doing things nowadays, probably because you see others doing stuff all over social media and compare.

What is actually wrong with staying home and doing nothing? Relaxing, recharging, pottering in the home and getting jobs done, this is more valuable to me than socialising as I work long hours and appreciate the time that I don't have demands put on me.

Darkness22 · 27/08/2022 13:18

Plus you bloody lost weight!! My number one goal that I failed to reach

katishot · 27/08/2022 13:18

I played out in the garden all summer every summer as a child or read books when it was wet.
That was it.
My parents didn't have the money to be doing all sorts of activities and days out and anyway my Dad was working constantly and my mother was long-term unwell.
It did me no harm whatsoever and I look back on those days and the freedom and it makes me happy to think of those times.