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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like I've let myself and my kids down this summer?

86 replies

Issummeroveralready · 27/08/2022 12:47

So back to school next week and I feel I have let the kids down this summer. We've hardly done anything. They've played lots of computer games and played in the garden, but haven't put them into any clubs or anything. They've seen friends a tiny bit but we've missed out on all the fun and parties other people seem to be having. Partly because we've been a bit disorganised and partly because I've had to work. I feel genuinely sad the summer is over as for personal reasons I haven't really had any fun. I have managed to get a bit fitter and lost a bit of weight, but that's about it. AIBU to feel we haven't made the most of this summer?

OP posts:
jay55 · 27/08/2022 13:18

Loafing and recharging is so underrated. You've not let them down at all.

Endlesslypatient82 · 27/08/2022 13:19

Yes lots to be said to lots of chilled out days doing nothing much

But….

the summer holidays are long and decent weather, so definitely recommending injecting a few “adventure” days involving a day out, with a picnic.

Mumspair1 · 27/08/2022 13:19

Honestly I wouldn't worry too much. Do you know it's just one summer in many, you have next year to plan a few things. We did quite a bit, but there were days/weeks we were just at home out of choice. My ds didn't even want to go on the last day of camp even though we paid. So he stayed at home, because sometimes kids just want to be at home and need downtime.

lollipoprainbow · 27/08/2022 13:21

Feel the same and sad the holidays are nearly over although to be fair my dd loves being at home playing and crafting. Always feel bittersweet at this time of year. My dd getting older etc.

Homemadearmy · 27/08/2022 13:24

I feel the same op. Everyone else seems to have done to much and we've done nothing. My kids are teens now so past the age for picnics in the park etc. Money is too tight for expensive days out and I'm a carer for my dad so we couldn't even go camping or anything. I didn't even bother taking time off as it felt a bit pointless.

Anon50000 · 27/08/2022 13:24

I bet your kids enjoyed being able to just be. It sounds like they had a fabulous break from school.

Original poster
Issummeroveralready · 27/08/2022 13:27

Plus you bloody lost weight!! My number one goal that I failed to reach

Thanks. Just 1lb per week. But I am going to keep going with it!

OP posts:
JockTamsonsBairns · 27/08/2022 13:32

katishot · 27/08/2022 13:18

I played out in the garden all summer every summer as a child or read books when it was wet.
That was it.
My parents didn't have the money to be doing all sorts of activities and days out and anyway my Dad was working constantly and my mother was long-term unwell.
It did me no harm whatsoever and I look back on those days and the freedom and it makes me happy to think of those times.

Couldn't agree with this more. This business of parents (well, mothers) laying on a summertime of entertainment and activities is a relatively new phenomenon - fuelled by social media, and a perception of what "other people" are doing.
When I was a child, we'd usually have a week in a caravan - on a site that just had other caravans, not Haven type clubs. My siblings and I played/fought for the week, then it was back home for more of the same.

I think you're being hard on yourself Op. I think it's natural to feel a bit despondent towards the end of the holidays which makes you feel guilt about not having done 'enough'. But, relaxing and pottering is enough.

GettingOrganisedNow · 27/08/2022 13:37

I always say, when we were kids it would not for one second have occurred to my parents to think of things for us to do in the summer. The rules were simply that if you got in the way or said you were bored, you got housework to do, and you weren't allowed to ask for money. We LOVED our summer holidays, just pottering about around the house. We spent ages playing computer games, but also had picnics, wrote comics, read and played tennis (against the side of the house). It was fab.

You don't need loads of activities to have a good summer. Downtime is important too. Your kids have probably loved most of it.

TinaTeaspoons · 27/08/2022 13:40

It's been so warm that it's been hard to plan anything or do much.
It's good for kids to have some downtime, it will have done them good. Please don't beat yourself up x

SpongeBob2022 · 27/08/2022 13:40

I remember my summer holidays as a kid being really relaxed like you describe and that's the way I liked it. So I wouldn't worry about it at all.

But if you are feeling guilty (which you don't need to be), just learn from it and next time plan things in the way you wished you'd done this time.

Italiangreyhound · 27/08/2022 13:42

You lost weight, worked, got fitter and enabled your kids to do things on screens and in the garden. Win, win, win.

HilarityEnsues · 27/08/2022 13:48

You still have time to do a day out this weekend if you would like? Otherwise I think relaxing and recuperating is what my teens have needed, plus they organize their own social lives. We have done only one or two family days out but they were memorable, the rest of the time it's been pottering which I think is fine and what I did every summer as a child!

queenofwobbles · 27/08/2022 13:54

Same here OP and I feel really bad for my kids! For me it’s juggling work plus serious illness and looking after kids in general it kind of takes it out of you. Days off often spent catching up on all the life admin and stuff you can’t do because work. Dreading seeing the school mums and being asked what we did - feels like nowadays they all have an amazing holiday to talk about and they all have stuff lined up to do every weekend. I don’t know how they fit it all in!

Festoonlights · 27/08/2022 13:57

I think most parents have felt like you at one time or another. But life isn’t one long theme park ride. Being healthy, relaxed and having a proper break is massively underrated as you can’t post that on Instagram, but that doesn’t make it less valuable.

There is a good chance right now to make it much better and feel better op. Pack up a picnic and go today or an evening picnic later. Tomorrow take them to the beach/lakes whatever is near you. Take a day off next week and make the last week special, you still have one more week! I’d suggest making it great and next year plan a holiday that is a good balance. You have had the summer you needed op

HilarityEnsues · 27/08/2022 13:58

Remember people are editing the highlights. I could tell it like we had an exciting 6 weeks, but it would be condensing two or three events into one sentence, with lots and lots of loafing around edited out!

Dadaya · 27/08/2022 14:07

I never went to any clubs ever. We couldn’t afford sufficient food never mind clubs. I played outside in the garden and read library books, if I was lucky I got taken to the shopping centre for an ice cream and had a backyard bbq. When my Dad had a week off he took me on our annual trip to the swimming baths. It didn’t do me any harm 🤷‍♀️

lomotree · 27/08/2022 14:20

Hello, I wouldn't worry about it...I sometimes think the more kids get the more they expect..thats the case with mine anyway.......I don't work so Im at home with the kids during the summer - the main reason we go out is to stop the fighting! and I need to get out of the house. we went as a family to Europe (beach location) for two weeks and it was hard work to be honest and the heat. I was happy to be home... I considered putting my two eldest 11 and 9 in camp but they didn't want to go...so I took them to the beach instead a few times here we live near one... apart from that they played with the neighbours kids and played video games... as I said the main reason I bring them out is to break the monotony sometimes for myself and they fight less !!! but it is tiring sometimes!!! :)

Goldbar · 27/08/2022 14:20

Never look back and regret, just look forward to the next thing. Your kids probably needed some relaxation time but, even if you genuinely should have organised more stuff, there are loads of events coming up that you could make special in some way (and probably fairly cheaply). Invite their friends over for a 'back to school' September picnic while the good weather lasts, plan something fun for Halloween or for Bonfire night, do some autumn trips out...

It's much more fun planning stuff going forward than regretting what you haven't done. And things don't always have to be seasonal... we've always done a winter seaside trip which is one of the funnest days of the year for us and DC.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 27/08/2022 14:41

I can't really remember doing anything organised in the summers apart from play , we had friends who were neighbours and so we just played and played and played. Best fun ever 😊

DarlingCoffee · 27/08/2022 14:53

I would say you have had a successful summer OP especially as you have managed to lose weight on top of everything! We have been in the same boat - mostly working and a few day trips - comparison is the thief of joy and all that, I wouldn’t worry what others have done. It sounds like your kids have had a relaxing summer which for me is the most important ahead of starting school. Don’t beat yourself up.

Crunchymum · 27/08/2022 14:58

I think we've become so focused on activities (and comparing ourselves to others!) that we've lost our way a little.

All the kids I know who moan the most about being bored are those who do the most. I have a niece and nephew who are signed up to every club and activity going and the moment they have any downtime at all they moan!! I notice the same with my own kids, the more we do the more they expect to be entertained / catered for.

Obviously the ideal is to find a balance but not everyone has access to loads of free stuff.

We tend to go out every day (even if it's just to the shops and the crappy park near the shops), we try to so "something" a few times a week (we are central London so we've managed a few of the big parks, a few museums, a walk along the Thames over the holidays so far). The rest of the time it's been local parks and walks etc. Nothing "FB worthy" just cheap, honest exercise and fresh air.

waterrat · 27/08/2022 14:59

This is shit mum guilt Op ..there are no men out there worrying like this. Your children relaxed in a safe happy home with books screens toys...maybe it wasn't ideal...maybe you will do different next time e..BUT I think the summer holiday is a pile of poo ! I feel guilty that I didn't persuade my anxious 8 yesr old to go to any holiday clubs....I feel guilty she is going back to school totally out of any routine. I wish the holiday wasn't so long.

Many many parents have to work !

SpringRainbow · 27/08/2022 15:56

One of mine actually said it’s been the best summer ever. They have spent most of it at home just chilling out.

For various reasons we have not done a lot this summer at all.

In some ways, although this summer has been very tough for me. The fact that we haven’t done a lot means that I am not as stressed out as I usually am.

It’s been rubbish, but not stressful. If it wasn’t for my personal life I might have actually felt relaxed for once.

YingMei · 27/08/2022 15:56

We have been on holiday for 2 of the 6 weeks, however, the rest has been my kids pottering about the house while I work, with a couple of play dates and days with grandma thrown in. There has been films, playing, lots of reading - really what's wrong with that? Kids cannot be constantly entertained.

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