To feel like I've let myself and my kids down this summer?

[Issummeroveralready]

So back to school next week and I feel I have let the kids down this summer. We've hardly done anything. They've played lots of computer games and played in the garden, but haven't put them into any clubs or anything. They've seen friends a tiny bit but we've missed out on all the fun and parties other people seem to be having. Partly because we've been a bit disorganised and partly because I've had to work. I feel genuinely sad the summer is over as for personal reasons I haven't really had any fun. I have managed to get a bit fitter and lost a bit of weight, but that's about it. AIBU to feel we haven't made the most of this summer?

. Your kids probably needed some relaxation time but, even if you genuinely should have organised more stuff, there are loads of events coming up that you could make special in some way (and probably fairly cheaply). Invite their friends over for a 'back to school' September picnic while the good weather lasts, plan something fun for Halloween or for Bonfire night, do some autumn trips out...

It's much more fun planning stuff going forward than regretting what you haven't done. And things don't always have to be seasonal... we've always done a winter seaside trip which is one of the funnest days of the year for us and DC.

This is very true!

The summer isn’t actually over yet!

I felt this way earlier OP so you’re not alone. My school age DC are getting older now and they don’t really appreciate any of the free or inexpensive activities in the area anymore (my two toddlers LOVE them but older ones not so much…). Lots of whinging and whining if I’ve forced them out of the house. They only really enjoyed DD’s birthday a couple of weeks ago but we spent a lot of money and have had to be tight ever since.

Everyone’s had norovirus this week, it’s just been one after the other falling sick at different points so that’s put a dampener on things… Hoping everyone will be ok enough to go to the seaside on Monday at least. It’s hard when money is tight, especially when they get older and just don’t want to do the cheap shit anymore.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Kids don't need to be in camps all summer. Most of them are just money grabbing groups. The only one my kids did was a free one at the school in July.

I'm sure your kids enjoyed playing in the garden and then outings you brought them on. It's quality not quantity.

You could always book something fun for the mid term break in October.

It’s not the end of the world. Just plan a bit more for next summer.

You could always book something fun for the mid term break in October.

Yes good plan.

Don’t beat yourself up about having to work, and there’s certainly nothing to beat yourself up about when lack of money is a cause.
But whatever didn’t happen due to being disorganised - that you should address.

My best memories as a kid are of messing around in the garden with family/friends.

I always hated clubs. Swimming where the instructor forcibly pushed my head under the water, and tennis club where I was the youngest and couldn't get the hang of hitting the ball so THAT instructor decided I would be the only child who didn't get a badge at the end.

So yeah. They probably had a great time!

Don't worry OP - most of us haven't done anything amazing if we're honest. I've been working, DS has been in camps with friends, and now we're in Ireland visiting family for the last week where absolutely no childcare is available. DS has had too much screen time here because I've just run out of steam and creativity. We've done some days out and it has been fine but, like you, I haven't loved it and next week is back to school.

Have you actually asked your children if they've been bored and not enjoyed the holidays. I bet they've not given it a single thought, and you shouldn't too!

Ask your children. Bet they’ve loved it. Unless they’ve made complaints or asked to do more I bet they’ve loved it !

We’ve had what is objectively a shit summer - we all had covid, then some sort of horrendous stomach bug, then chickenpox. I have three young kids, so of course they all get it, but consecutively rather than concurrently. Around halfway through something snapped. I had (for my own sanity) to find something we could do each day. Some of them are farcical - McDonald’s drive thru for an ice cream and coffee. A visit to Waitrose (when we weren’t infectious!) to buy the most interesting fruit we could find. Making jelly in three colours. Snail racing. Picking blackberries. A visit to a bubble tea shop. Lots of picnics in the park with a pack of breadsticks or 50p biscuits and chalk to draw with. Next week (assuming we’re not about to come down with bubonic plague) we’ll go to the library.

I’m sorry to sound twee or to make you feel worse about what you’ve done/haven’t. I also don’t know how old yours are. But I reckon if you have them choose a film and make a tub of popcorn and all watch together they’ll be happy.

I don’t know anyone having endless parties and playdates. Some parents work, kids go to GPs or (not always great) clubs; among parents at home ime there’s a fair amount of “For god’s sake when are they going back to school already? And why are they always hungry?”

Never too late. Do something tomorrow. Pack a picnic and head for the beach or countryside. Go blackberrying - blackberries grow everywhere - and make a crumble or some ice cream with them. Build a bug or hedgehog hotel.

See if you can invite some of their friends over next weekend either for a film night with pizza, popcorn and a sleepover or for an afternoon BBQ and invite a few adults too.

Agree to make a plan for next summer. This is only my second (kids in year-round nursery before), but both years I've actually drawn up a timetable as the thought of six weeks stretching ahead makes me anxious (possibly partly PTSD from lockdown with a 4 and 2 year old 🤣).

Booked in a few things, we especially like the cheap events run at our local country parks/beach, arranged a few play dates, and then had a list of things to do to allocate to other days, from going out to bigger parks, or just movie/popcorn afternoon, painting stones..

We have had to book eldest in summer camp for a week's childcare as both work so have just otherwise been alternating taking annual leave...

Also feel I have to be a bit more organised as they're too young to go out to play etc by themselves, so will probably change as they get older.

But I think we all feel that six weeks is too long, I have run out of steam a bit this last week and I think my eldest is missing the structure of school and the social side of it. Four weeks would be just about right I think.

Not helped by a work friend on Facebook posting endless pics of her wonderful holiday in France with all her friends and then comments such as 'making memories' makes me feel totally inferior as a mum.

Apart from 3 days in forest school for DD and a fortnight at cadet camp for DS2, mine have spent the entire holiday in their bedrooms. DS1 has done a couple 9f trial shifts locally to try to get a job and spend the odd day out with friends.

I had a week off so I could drive DD to forest school (bit of a joke, as it was the nearest free council activity for pupils on FSM) and I've got another week off now, I'll be doing things like dentist and school shoe shopping.
We're skint and I feel shit about it but they don't seem too bothered, they've enjoyed the rest!

Perhaps they should save up and pay for their own expensive things then.
So many grabby and spoilt kids around expecting parents to pay for everything all the time.

makes me feel totally inferior as a mum.

Oh don't worry about that. My parents took us to France when we were little and I did enjoy it (mostly because I got to order twin ice creams - "fraise et myrtille s'il vous plait") but my fondest memories are of playing elastics and chipping away at the end wall of our concretey estate with my friends. Memories are not curated on Facebook.

@TheYearOfSmallThings I know I'm being silly, this woman has an incredibly lovely life and her kids are surrounded by family (both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc), holidays, social events etc etc. My dd is autistic and doesn't have any of that, it's just me and her. Makes me very sad and depressed ! I guess that's a whole other thread though.

Don't feel bad at all. I barely done anything my DD was happy out playing with her friends I offered to take her places but she didn't really wanna go. We done a science centre and safari day but my local community centre organised and was free. She went to a club for 2 hours a day for 2 weeks whilst I worked and other than that that was it. Done some swimming at weekends but she had a great summer. She's been back at school nearly 2 weeks and wishes it was the holidays again 😅

I put YANBU but not because I think you’ve let you kids down, just because I feel a bit the same. We’ve done things but it never feels enough when you see what others are doing. To the point that I actually made a list of what we have done to reassure myself! 🙈
I have an 8 year old and 2u2 and I find it hard to get us all out the house and manage the logistics once we are out. Anyway you are not alone in how you’re feeling and I think a lot of people have the same guilt even though we are doing our best!

My SIL does this. Endless photos (50 per day) of all the activities they've done with their cousins.

She doesn't post that the kids are now all ready to murder each other because they're sick of the sight of each other, and massively exhausted and over-stimulated; nor does she post that she can't actually afford to do so much stuff and is going to have to cut back on food shopping and heating between now and Halloween in order to afford the wide array of activities she'll need to photograph do then. The kids are actually fairly miserable and spend their lives bickering, but they know how to smile for a camera.

Do something next week, it's not too late. Lots of cinemas are doing £3 tickets on Saturday for cinema day. Get some popcorn from the supermarket on the way.

I know I'm being silly, this woman has an incredibly lovely life and her kids are surrounded by family (both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc), holidays, social events etc etc. My dd is autistic and doesn't have any of that, it's just me and her.

Ah that does sound tough on you, but she wouldn't necessarily love the social whirl. If you take her to the cinema on a Saturday morning or let her choose her own ice cream from the van or get together with friends, even if they don't have kids, for lunch at your house, she will still remember those times.

And thank God it's back to school next week (phew! emoji)

I have had the same feeling. We had 5 days away (self catering air b n b abroad) it was located right on the beach and had a couple of kayaks we slept until 11-11:30 had breakfast in the garden then lazed about inside watching Netflix movies on the house TV and playing the card/board games in the house while it was really hot outside then spent from 3:30 in the garden/beach/kayaking. There were places we could have visited, I asked my daughter and she wasn’t bothered and just wanted to be at the house relaxing. When I told my wider family about our holiday they were a bit miffed that we went all that way to stay inside but it was actually just what we needed.

since we have been home my daughter has been swimming and to town with a friend and we reciprocated with a round of mini golf and pizza at home. We have had a couple of evening walks at the beach/river and that is it. The rest of the summer has been spent at home, playing games (on and off line) in the garden and just generally lounging about. I always ask my daughter if she wants to go out but she doesn’t seem bothered and quite likes it at home. Sometimes you just need to relax and accept that you don’t always have to be doing activities and such.