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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My son 14 is friends with an 11yr old boy

56 replies

Satbytheocean · 27/08/2022 08:04

Looking for some other perspectives…
my son is 14 and has a friend who is just 11. They game online together and have met up. His parents seem nice and my son has fun playing there. My ex thinks it’s weird and something is off. That he shouldn’t hang out with his as he’s too young. I think it gives my son a chance to laugh and play in a way he couldn’t with another14yr old as they get more self conscious .
What do you think?

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 27/08/2022 08:05

If both children are happy to play together, there’s nothing wrong with it.

mrsbitaly · 27/08/2022 08:07

I don't think there is anything wrong if they have the same interests and the young child's parents are ok with it.

girlmom21 · 27/08/2022 08:08

It's fine

Icecreamandapplepie · 27/08/2022 08:08

What's wrong with that?

Userg1234 · 27/08/2022 08:09

I grew up in a village and it wasn't uncommon for the gang of us to rang from 10 to 17 ish...nothing strange about it. When I was 18 we'd play football in the local park against the "little uns" (8-12ish) them go to the pub!

Climbingthelaundrymountain · 27/08/2022 08:10

This is quite common where we live, children of various ages play together. My eldest is 14, one of his best friends has just turned 17. He also has friends in my middle child's year who are 12. They all connect about something. I don't find it concerning.

TenThousandSpoons · 27/08/2022 08:12

Siblings are often 3 years apart and play together. The “age gap” isn’t a problem. Did they meet online? Then met up in real life? That might be what makes it sound a bit dodgy - were both boys accompanied by adults and safe?

leafpickerupper · 27/08/2022 08:13

That is the same age gap my children have and they have always loved playing together. They are now 19 and 16 and still as close. It is not weird at all. My friend's daughter was still playing Sylvanian families at 13. She would much prefer that than drinking in the park.

legosunqueen · 27/08/2022 08:13

Siblings or cousins would play together with a similar age gap, please don't worry

NighghtmareNeighbour · 27/08/2022 08:14

Userg1234 · 27/08/2022 08:09

I grew up in a village and it wasn't uncommon for the gang of us to rang from 10 to 17 ish...nothing strange about it. When I was 18 we'd play football in the local park against the "little uns" (8-12ish) them go to the pub!

This. We lived in the arse end of nowhere when I was a kid. There wasn’t another person the same age as me, so all the children in the village just hung out together, it was never weird.

redbigbananafeet · 27/08/2022 08:15

What does he mean 'something is off' I'd be delving into that comment further.

LoveKingGary · 27/08/2022 08:17

Your ex is weird! I also grew up in a small village and all the kids played together at every age, boys and girls.

BuenoSucia · 27/08/2022 08:19

Another rural person here - all the kids roam as a pack, no matter the age.

in fact I find it weird that people in MN suggest a composite class will lead to lack of friendships because the children are different ages. Sacre bleu!

alexdgr8 · 27/08/2022 08:20

but this is not a group in a village, nor family members.
i can see why his father has concerns at least.
it would be better for your son's protection if they did not meet just the two of them. in a larger group would be better.
be careful.

Willyoujustbequiet · 27/08/2022 08:22

Its normal

What's concerning is anyone who thinks it's not.

Pashazade · 27/08/2022 08:24

Totally fine, he may be a mature 11 year old. If they have a shared interest why not. If the 11 year olds parents seem fine with it and you've met them then I wouldn't worry.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/08/2022 08:28

I had friends older and younger than me, although probably not 3 years, but for gaming what difference does it make?

I do understand your ex having concerns if I'm honest, but it depends on the characters of the boys themselves.

Lindy2 · 27/08/2022 08:32

I don't think it's a particularly big age gap, especially as their main joint interest is gaming.

Organisations like Scouts have a similar age range for kids to do activities together.

You've met the other boy and his parents so you know his online profile is genuine.

What exactly does your ex think is the problem?

SallyWD · 27/08/2022 08:39

It's fine. Growing up I always had friends who were older and younger.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 27/08/2022 08:45

I wonder if your ex is thinking about it from the perspective of the parent of the 11 year old - I know I would be wondering why a 14 year old wanted to hang around with my much younger child rather than kids his own age.

He may also be worried about your son putting himself at risk of being accused of inappropriate behaviour down the line?

Tiny2018 · 27/08/2022 08:45

Perfectly normal, my 10 year old son is also friends with a nearly 14 year old lad, tbh they are on more of the same wavelength than my son and his same aged friends. I encourage it.

Puppymania · 27/08/2022 08:50

Its good to mix with a range of ages. You get to act more child like for a while with younger friends, get to see older friends got to college and mature. It's healthy

JaffaCake70 · 27/08/2022 08:52

I think it's more concerning that your ex thinks it's weird. It's perfectly normal.

GinnyJelly · 27/08/2022 08:52

Two of my DSs are 14 and 11, the eleven year old is more ‘mature’ than the 14 year old (in terms of being more sensible, calm etc). The situation you describe doesn’t sound odd to me.

Walkingalot · 27/08/2022 08:57

Your DH is probably thinking there could be scope for a grooming accusation or your DS could simply expose the other boy to inappropriate age related material (I don't mean porn, I mean games and apps that have age restrictions). Yep, it's a horrible world we live in but, and this is important, you've all met each other, it's all above board.