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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My son 14 is friends with an 11yr old boy

56 replies

Satbytheocean · 27/08/2022 08:04

Looking for some other perspectives…
my son is 14 and has a friend who is just 11. They game online together and have met up. His parents seem nice and my son has fun playing there. My ex thinks it’s weird and something is off. That he shouldn’t hang out with his as he’s too young. I think it gives my son a chance to laugh and play in a way he couldn’t with another14yr old as they get more self conscious .
What do you think?

OP posts:
Ducksurprise · 27/08/2022 09:00

Another rural family. Perfectly normal.

Also i guess your 14 year old is a young one, by 14 some of his friends will have finished puberty and be interested in older teen stuff, whilst others will still be boys interested in tween stuff.

Kanaloa · 27/08/2022 09:00

I don’t see the issue. My son is 11 but has friends who are up to 14/15 from karate, because they obviously have that shared interest and are at a similar stage so can practice together. It’s not a problem.

SheWoreYellow · 27/08/2022 09:01

I’d be worried that a 14 year old was going to lead the 11 year old into trouble. Or even want to do things that 14 year olds do but 11 year olds.

I say this as a parent of a child who has older friends. It does concern me.

milkysmum · 27/08/2022 09:05

My son is 10. In his immediate friend ship group there is him, an 11 year old, 2x 12 year olds and a 14 year old. We live in a village. They play football and game on Xbox etc together. No issues.

mountainsunsets · 27/08/2022 09:07

SheWoreYellow · 27/08/2022 09:01

I’d be worried that a 14 year old was going to lead the 11 year old into trouble. Or even want to do things that 14 year olds do but 11 year olds.

I say this as a parent of a child who has older friends. It does concern me.

Why do you think 14 year olds are automatically interested in things that would get them into trouble?

AnnaFri · 27/08/2022 09:09

SheWoreYellow · 27/08/2022 09:01

I’d be worried that a 14 year old was going to lead the 11 year old into trouble. Or even want to do things that 14 year olds do but 11 year olds.

I say this as a parent of a child who has older friends. It does concern me.

Why would the 14 year old get the 11 year old into trouble

Also what activities are there for 14 year olds that aren't suitable for 11 year olds?

User287264 · 27/08/2022 09:14

My 10 yr old has got to know a 13 yr old online and I felt mildly uneasy about it. He's his friend's cousin's friend. They have met up once in the park and I went with ds. The older boy's dad was around too, walking their dog. We had a chat, 13 yr old seemed quite immature for his age, I can see why he gets on with younger kids. Ds is the youngest of 3 so is quite mature for 10.

It was the meeting online that made me wonder why a 13 yr old wanted to meet my 10 yr old in the park but when we met in person I could see why they get on. If they had met at Scouts or something I wouldn't have thought twice.

How did your ds meet this boy? Is that what's making his dad nervous?

Original poster
Satbytheocean · 27/08/2022 09:36

Yes they met through other friends ds online, then saw each other in the park. I’ve met his parents and been to their house. I just am trying to understand his Dads reluctance… thanks for your response.

OP posts:
Original poster
Satbytheocean · 27/08/2022 09:40

Yes I think it gives my son the chance to play and mess around as he did when he was younger. He has friends his own age too but has loads of fun with this boy.

OP posts:
MinervaTerrathorn · 27/08/2022 09:40

legosunqueen · 27/08/2022 08:13

Siblings or cousins would play together with a similar age gap, please don't worry

This, and there is a 10 to 14 age range at Scouts, mixed age at martial arts and similar, it's normal.

antwacky · 27/08/2022 09:48

It's absolutely fine, when I was about 12 and having a thoroughly miserable time at school a girl three years older befriended me. My life became much more bearable and we remained good friends even when things improved for me. We eventually drifted apart after a couple of years once friend started work etc but I will always remember her fondly.

ofwarren · 27/08/2022 09:48

Satbytheocean · 27/08/2022 09:40

Yes I think it gives my son the chance to play and mess around as he did when he was younger. He has friends his own age too but has loads of fun with this boy.

Sounds lovely. Kids grow up too quick these days.

ddl1 · 27/08/2022 09:49

I see no problem with it. There is no reason why all a child's friends have to be exactly their own age, and indeed it's a great pity to be so restrictive. In the days when children's friendships were based more around being cousins or neighbours, and less around being in the same class at school, this sort of age gap was common. My only concern would be with his meeting IRL someone he'd only known online - it would be a good idea for the parents to meet, but it seems that you have, so all is fine!

PuttingDownRoots · 27/08/2022 09:51

I've been beaten to it but there is genuine friendships between my DD and the older scouts in her troop. The older ones have been giving lots of advice and reassurance to the younger ones starting Secondary school for example.

Relationships can be problematic. But friendship is completely normal.

BusySittingDown · 27/08/2022 09:58

Hmm, a little bit different but my DC are 11 and 15 and they get on like a house on fire. My eldest often sacks off her mates to hang out with my youngest and their cousin (also 11) as she says they're more fun.

Although thinking about it, when I was young I used to have friends in the street that were much younger. I also remember being about 7 and playing out in the street with my friends (age ranging from 4 to my age) there was an older girl of about 13 who used to play with us. She used to teach us things like netball, we all loved her, she was like a mother hen. I loved it because she was the only other girl and all the rest were boys. She wasn't a weirdo - she had plenty of friends her own age, we just looked up to her.

takingmytimeonmyride · 27/08/2022 10:08

My son is 15 and lots of his friends are younger. He is autistic, so isn't interested in the same things as his peers really. He plays games with his friends brother, who is 7! But mostly his friends are 11-14. He's a bit lost atm as he's moved up from Scouts to Explorers and all his friends are not due to move up for a while yet.

I have absolutely no problem with him being friends with younger kids. One of my best friends is 10 years younger than me!

WeAllHaveWings · 27/08/2022 10:15

Ds(18) was friends with a boy 3 years above him in school who stayed in the same street as us, it naturally petered out as the older boy matured and wanted to do different things.

If they both have active friendships with their own age too, and there isnt any depency on each other, I don't see the problem.

MotherOfWhippets · 27/08/2022 10:31

I think you've hit the nail on the head.

It's hard to be 14 and having to 'grow up'.

He's enjoying being a kid and the 11 year old isn't going to take the mick for him being babyish or whatever.

Sounds like a lovely friendship.

dmask · 27/08/2022 10:35

I used to play a lot with a girl down the road who was three years older than me. I’m not sure I see the problem, we still keep in contact now. I was friends with her since the age of 10.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 27/08/2022 10:40

10.5-14 is the age range of Scouts. There's a huge range of difference in that age group, and IME the younger ones look up to the older ones as a bit of a role model, and the older ones enjoy the company of the younger ones as it's a bit less challenging and more fun than the harsh realities of Y9/10.

Iamnotthe1 · 27/08/2022 10:40

I run a youth group for boys which is split into different sections, one of which is 11 to 15. The boys all get on socially, interact and "play" together during our meetings and residentials, some also do outside of the group as well. It's perfectly normal and there's nothing wrong with it as long as both boys are positive influences on each other.

WeeBenny · 27/08/2022 10:52

My DS is 14 and most of his friends are younger. He had his 11yr old friend to stay last night after they went to the gym. I was worrying too as I would never have hung about with younger children at that age but as long as they are happy I don't see an issue

AllThatAndMore · 27/08/2022 10:56

Perfectly fine ! I had younger friends when I was a teenager .

MermaidEyes · 27/08/2022 11:01

SheWoreYellow · 27/08/2022 09:01

I’d be worried that a 14 year old was going to lead the 11 year old into trouble. Or even want to do things that 14 year olds do but 11 year olds.

I say this as a parent of a child who has older friends. It does concern me.

Are you this suspicious of everyone?

SheWoreYellow · 27/08/2022 12:17

MermaidEyes · 27/08/2022 11:01

Are you this suspicious of everyone?

Show quote history

Not at all, I’m just aware, as a parent to a 13 year old, that the 15 year olds are drinking and having sex.