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Original poster

Cancelled playdate

119 replies

therestissilence · 26/08/2022 18:34

This is really trivial...my apologies. But it's bothered and bamboozled me. I won't mind being told I'm wrong, as it would be a relief.

I arranged with an old friend two weeks ago, who I haven't seen for about a year, to meet up today, with the children. We were going to make the arrangements on the day, according to the weather. I'd told my daughter about it and it was an 'event' in our calendar.

I got up at 6am, as usual, doing bits and stuff around the house. Hadn't heard from my friend to consolidate plans, so I thought, 'it's the summer holidays, maybe she's having a lie in'. It gets to 9am and I decide to message her - and when I open WhatsApp I realised I hadn't automatically received her message at 7.30am, suggesting where and when we meet. I didn't get the notification.

I message her, and say 'gosh I'm so sorry, WhatsApp doesn't always alert me automatically.' Anyway, turns out she had made alternative plans with another mum and kids, in that time. Because I hand't messaged her by 9am she thought 'maybe I'd changed my mind'. I've never not let someone know if I can't make something, and she knows that! I'm never rude.

Now that I'm a bit bitter, my feelings are that she wasn't wanting to genuinely catch up with a friend, but to create an event in her diary...to give her children a 'wholesome' day, etc. This is something I'm always trying to do, admittedly. But I don't think I would act in this way.

This is so daft, I know. But it really messed up our day. My daughter had been looking forward to it. We did had nice day anyway.

I'd like to be told I'm in the wrong, because then I'd be less cross.

I'm aware this post is way too long. But Summer holidays send you a bit insane, I think.

OP posts:
AlviarinAesSedai · 26/08/2022 20:46

Why do people never call? But I would have messaged the night before to confirm.

Rosiethecat15 · 26/08/2022 20:47

Could she not have included you and your children in her plans with the other mum? Once she realised the misunderstanding I mean.

CatOnJupiter · 26/08/2022 20:48

I think 9am is way too early to think that the other person won't make it. Also, wouldn't you have messaged her if you couldn't make it? Surely she must have seen that you haven't received the message at all. Why didn't she just call? Or text again to say something like that it seems your plans are cancelled for the day, is that right?

Who has got time go stare at their phone especially in the morning, which ah least in our household are fairly busy.

Sorry op. I'd have felt upset and annoyed.

Sometimeswinning · 26/08/2022 20:59

She was literally waiting for a chance to cancel. She had a better offer and gave you a ridiculous cut off time. She knew you hadn't seen it.

On another note I would cut people like that out of my life. I have 3 children. They have different times they wake in the holidays. I'm not compatible with someone like this. They can hang out with all the other early risers!!

NameChangeyForThis · 26/08/2022 21:01

She'd made other plans by 0900? WTF. She could have waited a bit. OK, by 1030/11 maybe, but 0900?

Your friends sound really uptight. I'm a really organised person, but even by 0900 my household is a bit chaotic. Everyone in jammers, breakfast bowls everywhere. I'd be bit miffed if I arranged to meet someone today and by 0900 they'd dumped me for another person. How about some flexibility and understanding that small kids can be a bit of a handful and not everything is regimented.

I bet she is on a Gina Ford schedule. Up at 0700, toast at 0715, out the door by 0830 or change plans.

Get other friends, is my suggestion.

VaccineSticker · 26/08/2022 21:03

She could have called you if she was keen to meet up. You’re better off with out her friendship sounds like she likes she’s a busy body and found a better alternative. You sound lovelyx

VaccineSticker · 26/08/2022 21:04

NameChangeyForThis · 26/08/2022 21:01

She'd made other plans by 0900? WTF. She could have waited a bit. OK, by 1030/11 maybe, but 0900?

Your friends sound really uptight. I'm a really organised person, but even by 0900 my household is a bit chaotic. Everyone in jammers, breakfast bowls everywhere. I'd be bit miffed if I arranged to meet someone today and by 0900 they'd dumped me for another person. How about some flexibility and understanding that small kids can be a bit of a handful and not everything is regimented.

I bet she is on a Gina Ford schedule. Up at 0700, toast at 0715, out the door by 0830 or change plans.

Get other friends, is my suggestion.

🤣 Gina Ford ! you wrote it better than me.

basilmint · 26/08/2022 21:04

I wouldn't have made other arrangements until at least late morning. I also never get up at 6am though!

lllllllllll · 26/08/2022 21:06

GiselleRose · 26/08/2022 18:50

She made the other plans fast! Personally, I would have phoned you before making other arrangements. Also, why couldn’t everyone meet up? I would have felt mortified (although, as stated, I wouldn’t, because I would’ve called you) and invited you along too.

This. Your friend was in the wrong IMO.

Isthisexpected · 26/08/2022 21:06

Personally I wouldn't have just sent one what's app. If I was looking forward to seeing you I would have called to say did you get my message, what's the plan? I think she wasn't that bothered about meeting you, she just wanted to do something that day. She gave up on your plans pretty quickly!

basilmint · 26/08/2022 21:06

Also you can see if someone has read a WhatsApp message so if I could see the recipient hadn't seen the message I certainly wouldn't change plans until they had.

WimbyAce · 26/08/2022 21:08

9am is pretty early to give up and cancel all plans! Although if it was me I would have touched base the night before, still up for tomorrow?

pawkins · 26/08/2022 21:09

Mamamia7962 · 26/08/2022 18:40

If you arranged the date 2 weeks ago and hadn't communicated at all during that time, then I think she genuinely did think you'd changed your mind.

This.

I always send a quick msg asking if ‘tomorrow is still on’.

pawkins · 26/08/2022 21:11

basilmint · 26/08/2022 21:06

Also you can see if someone has read a WhatsApp message so if I could see the recipient hadn't seen the message I certainly wouldn't change plans until they had.

Some people read the first line of the message and if it is something they aren’t interested in/want to put off, then they don’t open it and later say they didn’t see it.

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/08/2022 21:12

I think you are both slightly in the wrong - she absolutely should have called to check, but equally no comms for 2 weeks is a bit slack so you could have confirmed a few days before.

Don’t take it to heart - I suspect she had another offer in the last 24 hours and rather than chase you she just thought she’d grab it.

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/08/2022 21:14

pawkins · 26/08/2022 21:11

Some people read the first line of the message and if it is something they aren’t interested in/want to put off, then they don’t open it and later say they didn’t see it.

Show quote history

They had arranged something. The friend should just have called.

GreenRainbowSun · 26/08/2022 21:22

I don't think you are wrong but would put it down to a misunderstanding rather than issue as such.

ColdCottage · 26/08/2022 21:23

She is being unreasonable. I'm not even awake by 7:30am. If she was wondering why you hadn't replied (especially if out of character) the she should have called you.

pawkins · 26/08/2022 21:33

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/08/2022 21:14

They had arranged something. The friend should just have called.

Show quote history

To be fair if neither party confirmed the date in the last two weeks, it wasn’t a firm arrangement. It sounds like neither were committed to the plan.

Too much can change with children’s illnesses not to confirm a couple of days before the date.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 26/08/2022 21:57

I'd be miffed off too tbh. But then, I've never in my life left arrangements to 730 the morning of. And I wouldn't have assumed anything by 9am, let alone have arranged something different with someone else! I didn't realise people could be so organised!

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 26/08/2022 21:58

(assuming we're not talking about a theme park visit or similar, in which case I would DEFINITELY not have left it till the morning of)

StickywithSuncream · 26/08/2022 21:58

I think it's absolutely insane to assume somebody has changed their mind because they haven't responded within 90 minutes and by 9am.

9am!!! And only a 90 minute grace period? And no follow up text to check?

Rude and really weird.

Randomword6 · 26/08/2022 21:59

Don't feel as if everything is your fault, the problem was to do with the app. I remember how hard it was to arrange things when kids were small and how I would feel lifted (and start singing) when I had made a plan for the day.

RoseMartha · 26/08/2022 22:03

I think she was a bit off. If I had not heard from you by abt 9 I would have rung you.

FallOutPloy · 26/08/2022 22:09

I think it's unreasonable to only give you 1.5hrs to reply! If she was really keen to get up and out early, then wouldn't she have messaged the night before? If it were me, and I could see that someone hadnt read my message, and I felt that time was ticking on, then I would have just phoned to check? And/or messaged "I haven't heard back, so I'm heading out now, but if you do get this message and still want to join us, then we'll be at the park from about 10-12, it would be great to see you!"

I hope you had a nice day out with your kids anyway.