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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH started vaping

93 replies

KazMa · 26/08/2022 09:49

Hello,

Bit of background - my DH was a social smoker (although very rarely smoked, maybe few times a year).

Recently he ordered a vape after trying a friends one and said he’ll only use it when he’s had a stressful day at work. Once it arrived though, he started using it every single day, even on weekends (when relaxing/nothing stressful going on). I got annoyed at him and said I’d rather him not do it on weekends/when we go out as a family as I don’t want our child growing up seeing this! Also, why get addicted to nicotine, why couldn’t he get a zero nicotine vape if he likes the flavour! I’ve also asked him not to do it in the house, but I caught him vaping in our bedroom just before I was bringing baby up to sleep there 🙄

AIBU to be annoyed with him and want him to compromise a bit by vaping a zero nicotine vape outside and not on weekends/family days out?

OP posts:
Cantgetbackagain · 26/08/2022 09:52

YANBU
I can’t stand the smell of vape and it’s ridiculous to get your self addicted to nicotine by vaping when you weren’t addicted before -which is just what I told our idiotic teen!

Original poster
KazMa · 26/08/2022 09:58

Cantgetbackagain · 26/08/2022 09:52

YANBU
I can’t stand the smell of vape and it’s ridiculous to get your self addicted to nicotine by vaping when you weren’t addicted before -which is just what I told our idiotic teen!

This is what annoys me the most. Why inhale nicotine when you know it’s highly addictive! I would be understanding and supportive if he was a regular smoker and swapped to vaping… but I just don’t understand why you’d just pick up the habit.

OP posts:
Plutoisaplanet · 26/08/2022 10:01

Smoking/vaping is a relationship dealbreaker for me. Vaping or smoking around minors is inexcusable in my book.

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/08/2022 10:03

It would be me or the vaping. Can’t stand it.

Original poster
KazMa · 26/08/2022 10:06

Plutoisaplanet · 26/08/2022 10:01

Smoking/vaping is a relationship dealbreaker for me. Vaping or smoking around minors is inexcusable in my book.

Funnily enough, before we got married I did say that smoking is a deal breaker for me. He promised me he wouldn’t smoke… although on occasion he has, and even hidden it from me. I’ve found a pack of cigs hidden etc. I’ve got mad at him but then got over it.
With the vaping I got really annoyed at him for taking it with him on a family day out and had a chat with him - I wasn’t happy that he never considers my feelings, does things behind my back, lies (said it’s for stress, but then uses it when relaxing)… I mentioned the D word and he got upset that I would divorce him over just vaping. Said it was ridiculous and how would I explain to our families that I’m leaving him just for vaping, and so and so does it but their wives don’t have an issue with it.

OP posts:
LastWordsOfALiar · 26/08/2022 10:06

I'd be fuming too. Why pick up an addiction at this stage?

It sets an awful example for the kids.

I would set rules about it.

  1. Only outside (come winter he won't want to go outside)
  2. Children should never see or know dad is smoking it. So never around them or infront of them
  3. never around or infront of you.

If he won't/can't stick to it, then you have a bigger problem.

Neverendingdust · 26/08/2022 10:06

OP I have a friend who has done the same, was a total non smoker but then decided to get one for ‘social occasions’ 🤨 and is now vaping every chance they get. Walking around with what looks like a highlighter sticking out of their mouth puffing clouds of that gross smelling stuff everywhere 🤮

Sarahcoggles · 26/08/2022 10:11

I'd split up over this. Not only is it unpleasant, expensive, and not what I'd want my kids surrounded by - to me it also demonstrates a level of stupidity that I would prefer not to have to live with.

Original poster
KazMa · 26/08/2022 10:11

LastWordsOfALiar · 26/08/2022 10:06

I'd be fuming too. Why pick up an addiction at this stage?

It sets an awful example for the kids.

I would set rules about it.

  1. Only outside (come winter he won't want to go outside)
  2. Children should never see or know dad is smoking it. So never around them or infront of them
  3. never around or infront of you.

If he won't/can't stick to it, then you have a bigger problem.

I haven’t smelt it in the house since we had a row about him vaping in the bedroom.
I just know he does it everyday in the car on the way back from work, and it’s just knowing that he’s doing it gets me annoyed lol. He’ll make excuses to go gym or somewhere on his own so that he can take his vape…

he just said he’s an adult and I’m being controlling by saying he can’t do it etc

OP posts:
qpmz · 26/08/2022 10:21

Maybe he was smoking more cigarettes than you thought and this is a replacement.

Laiste · 26/08/2022 10:25

With kids? I'm afraid he would go so far down in my estimations i'd have to say the relationship was in trouble.

He's a twat. Or behaving like one if that's the correct way to put it.

LampLighter414 · 26/08/2022 10:25

Tell him welcome to the Vape Nation. Go Green.

IodineQueen · 26/08/2022 10:26

I was a ‘social smoker’ and bought a vape to take out with me when I was drinking. I ended up permanently attached to the bloody thing and more addicted to nicotine than ever. I think they’re more addictive than cigarettes as they are effectively a never ending cigarette. I cringed at my inability to go without it, was embarrassed doing it in front of people and eventually managed to stop.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 26/08/2022 10:26

You can ask him not to vape in the house and around the DC and you, but you really can't stop him when he is on his own

SleeplessInEngland · 26/08/2022 10:26

I'd split up over this

😂😂😂

Ah, never change Mumsnet.

Georgeskitchen · 26/08/2022 10:29

I hate walking through a sickly sweet clouds of vapour. I know several people who have never smoked but bizarrely, have taken up vaping!! I am.a former long term smoker who has a very occasional one with a glass of wine. I am fully aware of the risks, which is why I stopped but I worry about the effects of vaping as there is no longer term data on the detriment to health. I'm not convinced I any safer than smoking

OneTC · 26/08/2022 10:31

I reckon he smokes more than you think he does

Thatboymum · 26/08/2022 10:38

I can’t believe people are saying they would split up with their partner because they started vaping 😂 it’s hardly the end of the world and he’s also an adult who can make his own choices

Original poster
KazMa · 26/08/2022 10:40

qpmz · 26/08/2022 10:21

Maybe he was smoking more cigarettes than you thought and this is a replacement.

No, he says he just likes the flavour.

Ive always known when he has smoked before or when he has been hiding a pack - he’s not very good at lying or hiding things lol

OP posts:
Original poster
KazMa · 26/08/2022 10:46

Just to make it clear - I’d never divorce DH over vaping.
It was the lying and doing it behind my back that upset me - he bought a new one secretly when we were on holiday even though he promised he wouldn’t do it then. So when I found that I was angry at him

OP posts:
GhostFromTheOtherSide · 26/08/2022 10:51

SleeplessInEngland · 26/08/2022 10:26

I'd split up over this

😂😂😂

Ah, never change Mumsnet.

Vaping is as bad as smoking IMO so yes, if he started vaping then I would leave.

And in the current financial climate I absolutely wouldn’t find any justification for family money to be spent on a habit which never needed to exist in the first place.

It’s only a matter of time before the health implications come to the surface. The downsides of vaping are going to be the same as if not worse than smoking on the basis that people do more of it.

UserError012345 · 26/08/2022 10:51

You say it's a deal breaker but would you really walk away because of it ? 🤷‍♀️

SleeplessInEngland · 26/08/2022 10:53

Vaping is as bad as smoking IMO so yes, if he started vaping then I would leave.

If you'd be willing to split up because of that then the realtionship was already in trouble.

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 26/08/2022 10:56

If you'd be willing to split up because of that then the realtionship was already in trouble. bollocks. It’s no different to if a partner started to drink to excess, to smoke, to use drugs.

Any addiction is a potential dealbreaker.

LadybirdsAreNeverHappy · 26/08/2022 11:04

He bought it on holiday? He was desperate for a smoke. He’s been smoking regularly and afraid to tell you. Social smoking is bs.