DH started vaping

[KazMa]

Hello,

Bit of background - my DH was a social smoker (although very rarely smoked, maybe few times a year).

Recently he ordered a vape after trying a friends one and said he’ll only use it when he’s had a stressful day at work. Once it arrived though, he started using it every single day, even on weekends (when relaxing/nothing stressful going on). I got annoyed at him and said I’d rather him not do it on weekends/when we go out as a family as I don’t want our child growing up seeing this! Also, why get addicted to nicotine, why couldn’t he get a zero nicotine vape if he likes the flavour! I’ve also asked him not to do it in the house, but I caught him vaping in our bedroom just before I was bringing baby up to sleep there 🙄

AIBU to be annoyed with him and want him to compromise a bit by vaping a zero nicotine vape outside and not on weekends/family days out?

He’s vaping disposable Elf bars so it says on the bar the nicotine content.

Also, it does impact me - imagine he gets ill from vaping? (He has asthma already) I’m the one that will be looking after him.
Him vaping will impact my child if they grow up seeing that - I don’t want them to do it too just because dad does

@KazMa he is telling you he feels like you’re controlling him, also using the phrase “I’m letting him vape” does generally point to respectful acceptance of another adult’s autonomy. You are trying to control what he vapes, where he vapes, when he vapes, and you are guilt tripping him in an effort to make him stop. Your brought up divorce. That’s controlling, that’s what people mean when they say controlling. Also, the whole “I’ll have to take care of him if he gets sick” is a bit out of order, I’m sure you do something to undermine your own optimal health, it would be very unfair if he made similar noises anytime you ate unhealthily or drank alcohol. I get the impression you just mostly find it annoying, which I get completely, I think I would find it annoying but you’re pulling out the big guns to try to get your own way.
Maybe it’s bad to vape around children, maybe it’s also bad to control him and be unkind and disrespectful to your husband. They’ll probably survive both just fine. You seem kind of determined to make this a big deal which makes me wonder if he’s done something else to hurt or upset you?

Meh, I like vaping.

I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't go out and I don't buy stupidly expensive coffees.

I don't go on holidays any more either.

What if he said you can't have a glass of wine on holiday, you're on holiday so you can relax without alcohol?

I'm a vaper and I enjoy it after quitting smoking for 25 years
The only thing I have to add is if he's using the elf bars.. they're £5-6 pounds each and a ridiculous waste of money and unnecessary use of plastic so I'd actually suggest he buys a permanent pen vape and uses low/ nicotine free juices.. outside the house. The pens do not emit voluminous clouds.. and it's not " smoke" so disappears quickly

Controlling would be you insisting he stops continually.

I think you put it to him like this;

Your vaping turns me off you and makes me feel angry at you. I don't want to be with someone with a smoking or vaping addiction. You either stop now and we move forwards, or you continue knowing it's turning me off you and will likely have a lasting effect on our relationship. If you choose vaping over me and keeping our family together, then I think that's pretty sad.

As I find the smell revolting and I lost both parents because of smoking there isn't a cat in hell's chance I'd be tolerant.

I don't do any of what you've said, except I do go on holiday, and I don't vape.

People don't have to have an addiction.

Nor should you think you're entitled to vape because you don't go on holiday, what a strange thing to say.

And if my partner was totally against alcohol for a specific reason (given having one glass with dinner on holiday isn't the same as vaping regularly at all) then I'd stop having it.

Vaping is vile.

Me too

Nope. I grew up with a smoking parent and used to literally cry in bed as a child worried they'd die of cancer.

The only reason I don't worry now is because they quit.

Vaping is a horrible habit that we still don't know the harmful effects of. No way would I want a parent advocating it, especially as we KNOW the risk of children smoking increases when their parents smoke (and vaping is similar)

UserError012345 · Today 10:51
You say it's a deal breaker but would you really walk away because of it ?“

can’t answer for OP obvs., but I would after 33 years married. It’s as bad as smoking. We’re only just beginning to understand what health issues it may throw up in future.
I was a heavy smoker when I met my husband. He has never smoked.
he told me he really hated it and I tried to give up many times. We married, he loved me so was prepared to tolerate it.
when we started discussing children though, he was adamant. He wouldn’t father a child with me as long as I continued to smoke. So I gave up because I wanted children with him.
He was absolutely right. Id be pretty gobsmacked if he started vaping now, tbh. But I’d be as resolute about it as he was about smoking because I think it may well turn out to be just as harmful.

I never get the "but exhaust fumes are worse" argument.
Because it's not one or the other is it? Vaping doesn't mean you're suddenly no longer exposed to exhaust fumes . It's an additional toxin, not an alternative one.

The fact is nicotine is an addictive drug, and one that many people become addicted to when they're too young to know better. Having made it to adulthood, with responsibilities and the benefit of age-related wisdom, only an absolute fool would take up a habit that most of their contemporaries are probably trying to give up. There's nothing wrong with being married to a fool, but there's nothing wrong with not wanting to be married to a fool either.

I loathe all addictions. I couldn't live with someone who was addicted to anything. Anyone I get involved with would know this. So to me it would be as much of a betrayal and deal breaker as infidelity.
Like I say, we all have our lines and this would be a crossed one for me.

How about no vaping or smoking or exhaust fumes?

Nicotine is safe, the NHS says so, and does not ban pregnant women from using vapes to quit smoking, it's the tobacco and other carcinogens in fags that's the issue.

And for what it's worth Vaping is NOT smoking tobacco, so I think some of you might benefit from a relaxing CBD vape now and then. The anxiety, self righteousness, intolerance, and sheer dismissal of vaping is bouncing off the page.

But once the bit is between the teeth, it's practically impossible to remove it from the zealots.

Kind regards,
A tolerant non smoker, vaper or alcohol imbiber.

@tonicwaters
Mumsnet needs more posters like you!
I'm a vaper and I second every word

tonicwaters · Today 20:57
Nicotine is safe, the NHS says so, and does not ban pregnant women from using vapes to quit smoking, it's the tobacco and other carcinogens in fags that's the issue.

And for what it's worth Vaping is NOT smoking tobacco, so I think some of you might benefit from a relaxing CBD vape now and then. The anxiety, self righteousness, intolerance, and sheer dismissal of vaping is bouncing off the page.

But once the bit is between the teeth, it's practically impossible to remove it from the zealots.

Kind regards,
A tolerant non smoker, vaper or alcohol imbiber”

listened to a radio 4 programme a few months ago - sorry, can’t recall which one - that reported on how many dentists are seeing worrying dental issues in vapers, including a marked increase in oral cancers.

why risk those things when you’ve managed to get to adulthood without such emotional crutches, as in the case of OP’s husband?

Just FYI, there are also carcinogens in vapes - what “liquid” are you actually inhaling and what does that consist of?
it’s not exactly water vapour is it. Plus there’s not enough research on it, cigarettes were once considered healthy.

Doesn't sound like he's a social smoker. I wouldn't stay with him. It'll harm your baby's health and increase the likelihood your baby will smoke as an adult.

It's the deliberately getting addicted to something so you can then spend money satisfying the addiction and potentially risking your health that would get me. Seems so dim and pointless. Maybe not a deal breaker per se but I would struggle to find someone attractive in those circumstances. Plus it looks so gormless.

I do NOT vape, but I am a tolerant person. Can you cite where the research has said that vapes are cancer inducing? I'm not dismissing what you say at all, but evidence would be interesting. And please do not mention "popcorn" lung to me. That has been mythologised into the anti vaping lexicon. I think you might know that anyway.

I'm no expert but I think vapes contain propylene glycol, or vegetable glycerin. (Thanks google!). The amount of food products containing either or both of these is unreal, eaten every day by most of us.

So, if it's good enough for food products and for the NHS not to dismiss, that's good enough for me!

He was a smoker before but hid it well but this is just a way of being able to do it more often adn not having to hide it

Exactly this!

Sorry, I wasn’t attacking you directly

The difference is “propylene glycol, or vegetable glycerin” is in food that we consume, but it isn’t being inhaled into the lungs… that’s for oxygen only

@LastWordsOfALiar the balance of evidence is that vaping is not nearly as harmful as smoking and it is wrong to equate the two. This the position of RSPH. The concern is that conflating the two means people who want to smoke may fail to switch to the far less harmful vape because of this false equivalency. Modelling unhealthy behaviour is not ideal, vaping is likely somewhat unhealthy, but treating everything which might harm health as similarly objectionable means that people who would otherwise switch to vaping (potentially increasing some risk to health) will continue smoking (definitely causing significant harm health).
As for the “we don’t know yet” line, that’s true, but you could say that lots of things and if the evidence changes the advice will change. We do know it’s far less dangerous than smoking. If it was neutral it wouldn’t matter, but equating vaping to smoking is morally wrong because it could literally save many, many lives if people switch. Recommendations are that socially we should make it comfortable and desirable to vape, and make it uncomfortable and undesirable to smoke. You might disagree, but your position seems to be based on an emotional hunch generated by an upsetting childhood experience, rather than compelling evidence.

The NHS doesn't ban pregnant women from doing anything to their own bodies.
No one really knows what the long term damage of vaping is. Time will tell.
Yes nicotine as such is not harmful - but it is an addictive drug, which is costly and inconvenient. As an alternative to cigarette smoking and a smoking cessation aid, vaping is a very good thing. As an expensive addictive and potentially harmful hobby for a grown man to take up, it most certainly is not a good thing.

👏👏👏 Well said!

The Puritans are a bit tedious in this thread. Most of you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about 🙄