To realise im bloody gay at 42 even though im married?

[OhDearLordWTF]

I can’t believe this
Surely you can’t just be gay this late in life

Hope ur OK OP.

No I’m not ok
im going to completely ruin the lives of my husband and children
I can’t do it to them but feel so sick and know I’m bloody gay
I don’t know why I didn’t realise
I’ve had a 6 week course of therapy and it’s as plain as can be -
shit

I’ll never be happy being gay anyway when I tear apart my family so I’m going to have to just live like this until at least DS is grown

Jog on OP? Helpful!

Take it slowly @OhDearLordWTF you couldn’t possibly be unreasonable to realise something intrinsic about yourself . Just keep breathing and don’t do anything rash . One step at a time 💐

What has made you realise this all of a sudden?

Did you have any inkling before?

I’m gay. It took me until the age of 21 to work it out and I’m 37 now and have been so much happier once I accepted who I am.

If this is who you are fighting it is going to make you miserable.

Well surely you love your husband and are attracted to him? You've married him and had kids.

I had a 6 month break from DH and had a relationship with my boss
i was cohabiting with DH still and couldn’t cope with the devastation to him and DS I had caused by breaking up the family so have gone back to him but I miss everything about being with a woman
Hence the counselling

@OhDearLordWTF

oh! I see . So it’s well passed just realising it … so your DH knows your gay. Could ye discuss what to do ? The real question is AIBU to want to leave my husband for a woman? Is it?

Don't call me that. You know nothing about me or my life my dear.

It is that easy though. 42 and a "realisation". OK, but worth throwing away everything else? I'm not so sure.

YANBU at all. I think you need counselling now to help you deal with it. A marriage you stay in through guilt will be no good for anyone.

Your husband will be devastated, of course he will. But he will have the chance to find someone else and move on if you seperate now. How much worse will he feel (and you feel) when he realises that you were together for 6 or 8 or 10 loveless and pointless years?

Do it now, and in the right way, your DC will be helped through it. Wait 10 years and .....?

My FIL came out when DH was 17 and his sister was 15. DH said it was really bad timing and he actually wishes he had done it earlier.
FIL always knew but didn’t want to upset the children. So he stayed in the loveless marriage for many years and struggled on.

Of course everyone will be devastated because they love you. But life is short and you should grab it with both hands. Their hearts will gradually heal and you will find your new normal. Be who you are meant to be.

I was with my ‘then husband’
Planning children

I then fell in love with a woman

Finished with Husband

Was with the woman for 10 years
Broke up

now engaged to a man !

No children, ex husband is remarried with two children
Ex (The woman) is single and im engaged to a man

I dont put a title on myself, why should i
and why should you?

But you AND your husband deserve to be happy

Great point! Who needs a label. Happiness, connection and love.

Happened me too @46 😃

Yabu to your husband, gay or not gay.

So unfortunately I would have most sympathy for your family. Break ups are devastating. I find it unlikely you didn’t have the opportunity before marriage to explore yourself. And a commitment is a commitment.

I would also question a therapy where you found yourself so quickly too. That doesn’t feel solid. Honestly I think you need to pull back and see what you have. Do you really want to lose it? Don’t make a hasty decision.

If you still want to go, then go, but I’d urge you to take on the responsibility and make it as easy as possible for those you leave behind.

What are you hoping to gain from counselling? To stay with your husband because you are so scared of devastating him? But wouldn’t you be living a lie?
(Genuine question not being mean)

Something about this is off.

I suspect there'll be drip-feeding.

Honestly, relationships end. Be respectful to your husband, communicate well and keep putting your kids first. A good divorce is much better than an unhappy marriage.

You can't make yourself ungay. You've realised something fundamental about yourself. You can't unrealise that. You still have many, many years to be true to yourself. Please be kind to yourself, and kind to your family. It can and will work out.

I’m a lesbian. I slept with lots of men before this point (thought I was bi) and then came to realise. Never too late, always valid. Welcome home to the LGBT+ community 💞