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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Happier when it’s just her and I

90 replies

Rememberwhydontyou · 25/08/2022 11:04

Dh is off work for holidays and I can’t wait for him to go back…
I love my routine with Dd and feel lighter and happier when it’s the two of us.
We’re due to go away for a few days next week and I really just don’t want to.
Just trying to get through until he’s back at work and we’re back to it being just us.
Does anyone else feel like this/is in this situation?

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 25/08/2022 19:22

Sorry for being harsh earlier Op, after your updates I think you should probably start a new thread in relationships but with the actual problems you are facing as this thread title and your op does not actually show the real story of whats going on. Best of luck Flowers

AnnaFri · 25/08/2022 19:23

Givemesunshines · 25/08/2022 19:20

Its normal
Its an adjustment.
I loved beinf with.my dc .

Not all , but some people think you have to.be with dh all the.time
. Not so

.. its a bit co.dependant to in my view to want to be with a dh allthe time

Have you even read the OPs posts?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 25/08/2022 19:26

AnnaFri · 25/08/2022 19:23

Have you even read the OPs posts?

Show quote history

I was wondering if she was drunk tbh.

SimonAndGarthsUncle · 25/08/2022 19:42

Is poor DH out earning the money?

theleafandnotthetree · 25/08/2022 21:12

Victoriaplum81 · 25/08/2022 19:16

I never feel like this. I long for my DH to be home with me and DS! We share the responsibilities, give each other a break and enjoy being together. It isn’t normal not to want to spent time together. I feel sorry for your DH!

I'm not sure that 'longing' for your partner to be home is in the range of normal either! Or at least I don't know too many who feel like that....

WimpoleHat · 25/08/2022 21:19

This doesn’t sound normal or healthy to me. There have been a few days out when I’ve thought it’d be better/easier if I just did my own things with the kids; as a pp said, DH changes the dynamic and if it’s something he’s not into doing, then it’s more relaxed to do it without him. But - and it’s a big but - this is very much the exception rather than the rule. Mostly I’d say I much prefer it if he’s around too.

(That’s a long winded way of saying that I think it’s fine to feel how you say you feel sometimes - but if it’s most of the time, then I think you need to reassess the relationship and how that’s working.)

girlmom21 · 25/08/2022 21:25

Rememberwhydontyou · 25/08/2022 14:28

@mumto2teenagers We've argued about it before, he always says I’m not taking Dd away from him, I’ve always said I never would that it would be shared. He seems to stick his head in the sand, have said I’m not happy lots of times

If you're not happy and you can't talk about it without arguing you need to do something about it instead

Original poster
Rememberwhydontyou · 25/08/2022 21:53

@girlmom21 I know, it’s really hard.

OP posts:
lailamaria · 26/08/2022 14:33

You say you can't stand the thought of being away from your dd for half a week i don't mean to cause offence but do you think you may be using her as an emotional crutch in some form?

honkeytonkwoman38 · 26/08/2022 14:35

Yep this is me totally. Me and DD are much more alike and quite close. DH is a bit scatty and untidy and it drives us mad!

Original poster
Rememberwhydontyou · 26/08/2022 16:17

@lailamaria What do you mean?

OP posts:
LuckyCat4 · 26/08/2022 16:23

Life is too short to feel like this OP. I understand your worries about separation but the relief of no more tension will make up for it, for you and your daughter.

RewildingAmbridge · 26/08/2022 16:46

I prefer it when we're both off, I find any tensions we have come from the daily grind, running late for work on days we gave to both get in early and ds is being tricky, or coming home both after long days and MIL has hyped DS up just before bed and every toy in the house seems to be all over the place and we're both tired, miscommunication over who was going to do something and it ends up not getting five because we're both rushing around all the time. General niggles really, whereas when we're both off it's just us, we make plans, get things done at home, have nice trips out and I LOVE a holiday. It brings out the best in both of us, we're both active, adventurous, have similar humour which comes out more when we're really relaxed and we both dote on DS, who loves a holiday as much as we do and is a bit of a dream to travel with thankfully, whereas at home he definitely has his moments like all DC.
It sounds like you have deeper problems in your marriage.

theleafandnotthetree · 27/08/2022 10:26

lailamaria · 26/08/2022 14:33

You say you can't stand the thought of being away from your dd for half a week i don't mean to cause offence but do you think you may be using her as an emotional crutch in some form?

I think this is a little unfair. Surely most of us would hate the thought of being away from our children half the week, there is nothing emotionally unhealthy or wrong in that. I do 50/50 with my ex-husband for the last 6 years and the first few years especially when the children were younger was very very tough, horrendous at times. I STILL sometimes find it hard and that's with us living very close by so I often see my children on the days they are with their dad. There is no point in sugar coating that. Just because something is the 'best' option doesn't mean it doesn't come with a very heavy price. And for reference, though a very conscientious and basically loving mother, I was most definitely not a 'my children are my world type'.

GeriSignfeld · 27/08/2022 10:46

Are you with him for the lifestyle he provides? Fear of standing on your own 2 feet?

Why else would you stay married to someone you don't even want to be around?

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