Happier when it’s just her and I

[Rememberwhydontyou]

Dh is off work for holidays and I can’t wait for him to go back…
I love my routine with Dd and feel lighter and happier when it’s the two of us.
We’re due to go away for a few days next week and I really just don’t want to.
Just trying to get through until he’s back at work and we’re back to it being just us.
Does anyone else feel like this/is in this situation?

I love my routine with Dd and feel lighter and happier when it’s the two of us.

Why does your routine have to change drastically because your DH is there? Can't you just explain "DD and I normally do X at this time and it works well for her". What is your DH doing or expecting you to do exactly that means things are so different when he's there?

I'd look at why you feel this way. Is your husband not respecting your day to day routines? (Obviously some flexibility is a good thing) Do you have disagreements over parenting and how the household is run? Or is it just that you have fallen out of love with him?

I felt like you during the last 5 years of my marriage, but that was because my husband had taken to drinking very heavily, fully checking out of the family, not doing any housework despite both of us working f/t in 9-5 jobs. If there isn't anything drastic going on, it's probably worth having a talk with him about what you can do to revive your relationship.

Ultimately though you don't have to stay in a bad relationship. It doesn't have to be 'just the two of you' when your DD grows up and moves out - single is absolutely fine.

@grosgirl

Why ignore those who don't dislike their husbands enough to be relived when they go to work?

It's definitely not normal

I haven’t ignored anyone though 🤷🏻‍♀️

she was referring to the poster who was suggesting that you should ignore the people saying you probably don't like your husband.

No one has said you have

It's ok to not want to be around your partner all the time, but if you're actively dreading a holiday together then something's gone very wrong.

I'm dreading it because we can’t seem to talk without it becoming an argument and I don’t know why. It’s just so tense a lot of the time, whereas I feel completely relaxed when it’s my Dd and I

OP, there has to be something more to this other than, you just feel like "its nicer when he's not around".

Is he saying things to you that makes you unhappy?
is he annoying?
What's a typical day with you and DD like?
And whats a typical day with you DD and DH like?

Something's not right and this is not normal at all by any means.

I posted before I saw this...Well there you have it then, that's your reason. Your original post made it seem as if you really just didn't want to be around him whatsoever for no reason at all!

Is he resentful of your Dad's routine or meeting her needs and not just his? Does he step up? I think that the root of feeling like this is unusually because of a lack of care towards either of you.

This is a massive problem and clearly you don't have a happy relationship

Not sure what the purpose of your thread was (advice, hand holding, people who relate etc) but it seems like you’ve got to the bottom of it?

you don’t like spending time with your husband because you can’t talk without it being an argument. This is obviously why it feels ‘lighter’ when it’s just you and your DD.

now you can decide what to do about it

Mmm, I think I knew my marriage was over when we came back from two weeks away (which was mostly fine), he announced he was taking another week off and I felt tears of disappointment and frustration start. It was like I was waiting to exhale and enjoy my time with the children and myself without him 'annoying me' and he 'ruined' that. It wasn't that he was awful or anything I just didn't love him that much or want to spend lots of time with him. It was a few years before we seperated but I do remember that as a bit of an 'aha' moment.

I get it OP! I adore my husband and we're very happy but I do love it when he's working or away with work. For me it's because I'm an introvert and I just like my own space and quiet time. My husband is quite loud, dynamic and active so although I DO enjoy his company a lot of the time, I also need quiet time! When he's working me and the children can potter around at a slower pace (whereas my husband would be trying to get us to go mountain biking or something). This doesn't mean I have a bad marriage. I've always needed quieter time. It's just who I am.

Ex husband had a dominant personality so we ended up doing things that he wanted that he preferred and if he didn't want to go out we didn't go out he was horrified at the suggestion that I go out with the kids without him because he was "off work" therfore all time should be spent together

I found it wearing tbh

This bit is more concerning though.

Why are you with your partner if you feel this way?

I don’t think this is necessarily indicative of a bad marriage. It’s just that by the nature of things, life with small children focuses on the child and the husband (or whoever) becomes the third person in the relationship.

I do love my husband and we have a good and respectful marriage - most of the time - but when he is off work, he does do things that disturb the routine. Some examples are:

• taking DS on a car journey to pick up some groceries to ‘give me a break’ so DS fell asleep and wouldn’t go down for his nap.
• Gave DS an ice cream before lunch so DS wouldn’t eat lunch
• when DH decides something needs to be done, it always has to be done that very minute, so we’re all sitting in the car ready to go while DH cleans the oven or something random.
• on that note, takes ages to go out - has a poo, last minute dash back in for wallet / phone, I could have been there by now.

We’ve worked through most of these things, he has had to adjust to life as a parent just as I have. But I do sympathise with this. I remember a day last summer when DS was a baby and DH had been off for a week and then came down with something so I took DS out for the day so DH could sleep. And it was so bloody EASY!

Some people really should RTFT.

Yeah sorry, op. That's not normal. I much prefer hanging out together than on my own with DS

I felt like this. That's when I knew my marriage was over.

So as expected

You have a shit relationship

No I enjoy when we're off together.

My Dsis feels trapped counting down the minutes until he returns to work but her DH is a paranoid controlling plank.

YANBU because that's how you feel but you need to think about what you want to do about it.

Do you want to leave you DH or do you want to be happier with him around?