Happier when it’s just her and I

[Rememberwhydontyou]

Dh is off work for holidays and I can’t wait for him to go back…
I love my routine with Dd and feel lighter and happier when it’s the two of us.
We’re due to go away for a few days next week and I really just don’t want to.
Just trying to get through until he’s back at work and we’re back to it being just us.
Does anyone else feel like this/is in this situation?

Right? The amount of people saying ‘oh OP I know what you mean, my husband is amazing but he does get on my tits when he does XYZ, can you try this [insert useless suggestion] to make it better?’

I want it to be better between us, for DD’s sake mainly, but how I don’t know

I feel similarly tbh. Do you have any idea where the tension is coming from? Was it just you and your mum growing up?

I just feel my mood drop. Yesterday he had zero patience with Dd and was quite short with her when we were having dinner, it just wasn’t nice, I just feel like all joy gets sucked out…I have another week of it and just want the normal routine of him at work and me at home with Dd back.
I don’t hate him and I’m not a terrible person, neither of us are I guess

You basically don’t like your husband. It has nothing to do with your DD, you’re just saying that you constantly argue and it’s better when you don’t spend time together.

this isn’t a good marriage IMO.

i also really can’t fathom the idea of having routines just for you and your child that your husband is not really a part of (unless you are completely a SAHM), it doesn’t matter that he works, my husband works full time same as me and he is a huge part of our family routines eg breakfast, drop off, pick up, dinner, bath etc. i know that some people work away a lot but I just don’t see how that’s compatible with the parent being a proper part of family life. And if a parent barely sees the kids during the week… I know it can’t always be avoided. But I can’t imagine not really seeing my kids properly every day (even though I work) and nor could my DH.

@Pawpatrolwereonaroll Just between us, I don’t know, I don’t feel as relaxed with him around. I grew up with both parents.
What’s your situation? Sorry you feel the same way, just feel really sad about it today, especially for Dds sake

Do you stay with him because it allows you to stay home with DD?

@tiredandstripey I'm a Sahm currently

@treetopspot Not really, that’s one positive aspect of my life though at least.
I can’t bear the thought of only seeing Dd half the week and upsetting and disrupting everything she knows, she’s really happy. I just wish we could be. We were happier together pre Dd, obviously nothing to do with her, we just lost the connection between us

@Rememberwhydontyou

i think you really need to make effort you and your dp to reconnect

have a regular date night, time away from your daughter to just be yourselves and not parents

invest in the relationship with your partner, your child isn’t going to be this small and needy forever

you deserve to have a good relationship with your partner as well as being a mum

I get this but the close bond of you and daughter in someways compounds the issue. You've got your own 'club' with her and are in it most of the time.
When he enters your bubble it feels like having visitors over- ok for a few days but beyond that they are overstaying their welcome.

Maybe you need to adjust expectations to make space for him in your world with your daughter.

Assuming child is pre school? Things willl change hugely when she starts school.

Yes, I know exactly how you feel. When my ex went out, it was like a black cloud had been removed.

@FirstAidKitNowPlease How will it change hugely?

Sounds like when it's just you and your dd you are free to be yourself but when your dh is around you can't be you and tread on eggshells.

Have you considered separating?

@WildFlowerBees I just feel uncomfortable being myself in a way…I know that sounds odd
I've thought about it lots but don’t want the upset for Dd and couldn’t take only seeing her half the week
At the moment, he’s mainly at work, when he’s back after work there’s not much time until bedtime, then at weekends I’m sometimes with friends, can occupy myself a little. It shows up during time off at home. Sometimes it’s fine, sometimes it’s quite good but mainly it’s not.

I can’t bear the thought of only seeing Dd half the week and upsetting and disrupting everything she knows, she’s really happy.

OK then, that means you're staying because of DD? I'm sorry OP but you seem a bit confused. You're forcing yourself to tolerate this man because of your daughter. That's it.

Why not explore couples counseling?

You deserve much much better and so does your daughter, what would you say to her if she came to you and described what you have about her married life?

Kids pick up on tension, so while you feel you're doing the right thing for her she's not going to be unaware forever and what's to say she's not also going to feel repressed as she gets older.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your dd is find your happy and if that means a separation then that's the right thing for you. Don't spend your life with someone who you can't be your true self with life is too short.

@WildFlowerBees I do worry about her picking up on tension…I can’t relax. I come downstairs, am just drinking my tea and he’s like ‘What’s wrong?’ In front of her…nothing even was wrong! I can’t stand it at times

It sounds as though you need to come up with a solution as feeling like this is not normal.

Have you spoken to your DH and does he feel the same, would you both consider counselling?

@mumto2teenagers We've argued about it before, he always says I’m not taking Dd away from him, I’ve always said I never would that it would be shared. He seems to stick his head in the sand, have said I’m not happy lots of times

Reading your updates, that sounds miserable. My auntie was in a similar situation, she never really took the kids anywhere (football, rugby, etc) as her husband would just moan the whole time about how much it cost etc. He always seemed miserable doing things together as a family. They divorced and she was very happy with the freedom she had, she took her children wherever she wanted, whenever, no negative moods bringing them down or causing an argument. Her youngest is 20 now and she never let a bloke move back into her house, she dated and has a long term relationship but she was so happy at the freedom and being able to enjoy her kids, she never wanted to go back to that with another man.

I never feel like this. I long for my DH to be home with me and DS! We share the responsibilities, give each other a break and enjoy being together. It isn’t normal not to want to spent time together. I feel sorry for your DH!

I love it when my DP is off 😢 really miss him when he's away. Especially doing things together with our DD.

I would definitely consider reevaluating your relationship OP.

So sorry 💐

Its normal
Its an adjustment.
I loved beinf with.my dc .

Not all , but some people think you have to.be with dh all the.time
. Not so

.. its a bit co.dependant to in my view to want to be with a dh allthe time