To think db and his gf should put thier children above saving the planet???

[lillycat]

My db (32) has always been a bit of a drifter, he has never really held down a job or anything and travels a lot round the country. It was never really an issue for me, he is an adult and can do what he likes, but he fell out with our parents years ago over it. He has recently been trying to make things up with then and has been to visit, and brought his new gf who has two ds from two fathers. She is younger (24) and has a council flat but spends most of the time living in a van with her ds who are 5 and 3.
Her and db are now traveling around together and seem to be spanding most of their time on road protests (I didnt even know there were any anymore but they have found some) and things like that, and doing anti war and anti nuclear campaigning - db gets arrested every now and then which can't be good for young boys to see as an example imo.

Anyway me and my parents are a bit concerned about her ds - they don't go to school obviuosly but they dont get taught by their mum either it seems - the 5yo can't write his name even. The children are filthy as well, dressed in tatty old clothes all the time and have quite long hair which does look lovely but needs washing and brushing which doesn't happen really. Both db and gf have a dog so the children are sharing their beds in the van with two dogs. They are lovely children, really bright and sweet but they swear a lot which the mum doesn't seem to mind and they have no routines at all- they get taken to parties and kept up late. Thir mum still has a double buggy that they sleep in if they are out late. Also they are vegan and are both quite small, but they do get fed healthy food and she doesnt let them have sweets and fizzy pop. She seems to worry about strange things - I'd be more worried about my dc getting an education than being vegan iyswim?

Dh thinks its none of our business to say anyhting as the kids are obviously loved and looked after, just not to the same standards we keep . But I just cant help thinking that once you ahve kids its time to grow up and put them first?

god...stable home is loving parents that you know ou can turn to in need...tis not about a nice house or whatever else....

Personally I couldn't imagine living that way...but then, I choose not too and that is fine and luckily I don't have to neither...they choose to live in whatever way, and they are all happy...so, not a problem....

Shitemum - you speak wise words!

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They sound like lovely kids. Eventually their mum will settle them into some kind of more formal education, but at 5 and 3 there is a long way to go before that becomes a problem. A motivated child can learn to write their name in an afternoon- school really is vastly overrated on that score. Similarly with reading- motivation goes a lot further than senseless reiteration. Furthermore, many children all over Europe do not even approach formal education until 6-7, and are still ahead of the UK in results at 16.

Also your brother's GF's children are going to develop a serious social conscience which may help us all long-term. Be grateful that some people do live by their principles and glad that the children are happy and bright.

They sound a lovely family.

You might not agree, but it's not your choice, and they won't listen if you tell them to change - you'll just alienate them, which would be a shame.
Take a deep breath...

I just assumed he was because she gave the impression that he didn't work.

SenoraParsnip- I suppose this is not the right pace to confess that I nearly accidentally strangled my then 4 month old with my hair?

I thought not...

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They do sound lovely, don't they

There are many ways that my travelling friends get by - seasonal work, barter systems, busking, work at festivals, scrap metal dealing, selling things that others have thrown out... none of which are what most people look on as 'real jobs' but keep them off the dole and fed.

crustie alternative lifestyle. Sounds great. Are they loved? That's the important thing- they sounds as if they are.

no-one made a comment about my pithy 1 liner...

I noticed it...

It was far cleverer than anything I can come up with tonight.

we had slightly 'unconventional'(to most people) childhood and loved it!

who says whats right and wrong way to bring up children?providing theres love and no neglect etc.

they sound fab

i am happy for them and think you should be too

lillycat, it sounds like you and your dh would like to bring some of that travelling free-spiritedness into your own life.

You can, you know, not just in radical give up the jobs, buy a campervan and travel Europe but maybe in smaller ways

Some of the most inspirational stories I've read recently are of a couple who did that (think it was in Eve magazine) - they drove across the continents for a couple of years when the children were 5 and 8 or something - they came back and started over with vaguely rubbish jobs - it caused them to evaluate their whole reason for existence - and an amazing experience for the children

Work to live, not live to work is my motto

YABU. If the children are happy tahn it is up to them how they bring them up.

I guess I'm the only one who might share your reservations, Lillycat. Not because of what you've said, but unclear aspects of the picture.

If the boys have long unwashed uncombed hair, when and how does it ever get thoroughly checked for headlice?

Or do they never play with other children?

Is the 5yo barely 5 or nearly 6? It makes a difference whether he has a clue about writing his name, yet. Is he actually deregistered and down as home-ed or do you get the impression that the mother hasn't thought about his education at all?

Do your brother and the GF make sure they can't both get arrested at once? Who would look after the boys if they did? Who do they get into babysit? What is the community of road protesters like -- would you want them near your kids?

Are the boys buzzing with energy? That would suggest the vegan diet suits them fine.

The boys go to lots of parties... what kind of parties? How much drug/alcohol use, what kind of atmosphere, etc?

Okay, so none of that is your business and you have to keep your mouth shut, regardless. But if the answers to many of the questions aren't great, I'd be feeling unhappy about it all, too.

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I said it was none of her business and she has to keep her mouth shut.
So I never said she had the "right" to know the details, but perhaps she does sense the details anyway without asking. And she might be entitled to not really like them.
Left with: Yup, we don't know who they're left with. Doesn't mean they are nice babysitters, whoever they are.
Parties: I remember being told the one about King Kong's Balls when I was about 6 at one adult party (where most people were eagerly getting sh*tfaced).
You can have headlice without itching...

And this on the day where it's announced that the heaviest drinkers are the middle class professionals. Because people with houses and cars never drink when they're kids around do they?

And long hair has bugger all to do with head lice. Actually you're more likely to get lice transfer if kids have short hair because lice like to live close to the scalp and it's easier to transfer.

I'm not letting dh see this thread - that's how he'd like us to live (I like my home comforts far too much).

I agree with whoever said they'll probably grown up to be stockbrokers. They'll wear suits and read the Telegraph and always carry an umbrella.

I wish I had done this with the dds when they were younger.