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AIBU?

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Mark Feehily wants surrogacy to be cheaper and accessible for everyone

524 replies

Wouldloveanother · 24/08/2022 19:34

www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-11141771/Westlifes-Mark-Feehily-discusses-privileged-expensive-surrogacy-journey-welcome-daughter.html

Why are men so entitled?

OP posts:
moksorineouimoksori · 25/08/2022 00:58

Abandoned was an unnecessarily emotive word and probably not the right one. Yes I should have said babies/children up for adoption.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/08/2022 01:22

I saw an article in the paper recently about a single dad who had twins via surrogacy. He went abroad (iirc to Eastern europe) for the surrogacy and hired a nanny. When the twins were born he and the babies and the nanny stayed somewhere really secluded for a few weeks and it was a really gushy/ lovely/happy/peaceful/beautiful time for them all. The surrogate mother barely got a mention.

So a woman took the drugs and dealt with the side effects to produce an egg. Then a women was impregnated and went through labour and birth with TWINS. Then a women looked after said twins.

What's he for?

Mamai90 · 25/08/2022 02:16

Clymene · 24/08/2022 20:41

What a disgusting human being.

If you make it unpaid, that's how you get situations like Brian's much younger, not remotely famous, single, childless sister is carrying a child for him and his husband. Brian famously referred to her as it when he tried not to give the game away about who their surrogate mother was.

Who's Brian?

Sparklingbrook · 25/08/2022 06:33

I don't know who Brian is either.

balalake · 25/08/2022 06:41

The Paper that Supported the Blackshirts giving space to the views of a member of Westlife really is poor. A group that I stopped calling Pondlife when I realised I should have more respect for creatures and plants etc that live in ponds.

Surrogacy is something I think should be by exception and rare, not something to buy like a house. If you are unable to have a child for whatever reason, adoption of one without a family to care for them is preferable in my opinion. A foster family is usually much better than being in care.

Ylvamoon · 25/08/2022 07:00

Nobody needs to buy a baby. It's not life threatening if you don't reproduce.

00100001 · 25/08/2022 07:05

Wouldloveanother · 24/08/2022 19:46

That hospital photo makes me so sad. 2 men cheering as they drag a newborn away from the only person it’s ever known 😞

Fucking disgusting

Justmuddlingalong · 25/08/2022 07:17

Brian Dowling, the Irish TV presenter.

Clymene · 25/08/2022 07:17

Sparklingbrook · 25/08/2022 06:33

I don't know who Brian is either.

Sorry, Brian Dowling. Forgot his surname!

There was a thread about him on here recently which was deleted for being not in the spirit.

Terfydactyl · 25/08/2022 07:19

MrsRinaDecker · 24/08/2022 22:44

I agree his comments are somewhat distasteful.. but I’m somewhat on the fence about surrogacy. Are there any articles out there by now adult children born to surrogates? Or research on what happens to them and / or their birth mothers? Or even posts by the mothers several years down the line? I think those are the perspectives I’d be interested in hearing.

Love your username btw.
In answer. Although unofficial surrogacy has been around for time, I dont think this version has been around nearly as long. So as yet there are no long term studies.
I would love to know what the parent buying the baby thinks, as well as the surrogate and the child.
Hopefully soon there will be studies, I can imagine not much truth will be told until commissioning parents are dead.

TheCutter · 25/08/2022 08:00

I'll never understand why they think their "rights" to have a biological child trumps the rights of the woman and the baby.

Abhannmor · 25/08/2022 08:11

It's weird and gross. They can always adopt.

KimberleyClark · 25/08/2022 08:18

I also find it very distasteful that someone who can't normally create a new baby would choose to create a new baby through use of a woman's body, when there are so many abandoned babies and children who need parents and a loving home already.

Are not women who use egg donors also using a woman’s body?

ChagSameachDoreen · 25/08/2022 08:22

Abhannmor · 25/08/2022 08:11

It's weird and gross. They can always adopt.

Wealthy celebs aren't going to want to go through the process of adoption, nor raise a traumatised child. Easier to rent a womb!

VaddaABeetch · 25/08/2022 08:23

So did they have a girl twin? Should they be signing her up to the Surrogate Register? She could start having babies at 18, every 2 years until 30?

how lovely & inclusive & brave. She could help tackle this ‘inequality’.

ArcheryAnnie · 25/08/2022 08:24

Parenting should always put the needs of the child first. I know in reality that's frequently not the care, but that should be the baseline assumption. I don't believe surrogacy does. Kids should never be bought and sold, even with the fig leaf of calling it "expenses".

I also think people without kids - and particularly men without kids - don't understand what pregnancy is, how risky it can be, how it changes your body forever, what the hormones do to you. It's not like asking a neighbour to take in your Amazon parcel for 9 months.

twinklystar23 · 25/08/2022 09:07

I think there is a lack of research to into the separation of a newborn from it's mother. When DS was born his temperature rocketed, (and mine dropped) he was rushed to SCBU. The midwife was very conscientious, and brought him to me about 12 hrs later for contact (a cuddle) to encourage bonding. She came back after 5/10 minutes, took DS temperature to find it had reduced. Happy with that, she felt she could leave us together for a little longer, she returned another 10mins later, she took both our temperatures, finding that mine was warmer, and stabilising, and DS had now dropped a little He was swathed in blankets with a hat on in a warm maternity ward in early Sept! She was encouraged by this, and left returning with the senior midwife, reporting her findings. The S.Midwife, agreed to let DS remain with me, under supervision, with regular temperature checks (they were so lovely, telling me that I would have to excuse me pestering us) which they dutifully did. DS did not return to SCBU, his temperature normalised, as did mine. They (midwives) were really encouraged by this the S.M stating "he just needed a cuddle with his mum"

Just for interest, a random mother and baby, obviously but nothing to do with surrogacy EVER centres the woman and her infant.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 25/08/2022 09:13

I personally think surrogacy will become more popular than ever before by trying to be more progressive in equality more vulnerable women will be trampled on similarly to the gender identity explosion.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 25/08/2022 09:17

@twinklystar23 DS was removed from me as the placenta retracted alongside other issues, every free moment they'd place DS against my chest.
It seemed to be as important as getting the retracted placenta removed.

ThickCutSteakChips · 25/08/2022 09:33

gnilliwdog · 24/08/2022 23:54

Yeah, stop that derailing, I'm a bad influence. And seriously, if you value a woman's right to choose over an unborn child under any circumstance, you should value her right to birth the child and give it to people who want it, if she genuinely chooses that, or sell it if she chooses that because her wants come first. The only real issue then is that these women don't get enough money, rights and support. I don't agree with that because I think a foetus has rights, like maybe not to be conceived at all in this less than ideal situation. As late as necessary makes no sense, not to me anyway. Necessary to whom? In what way? Rhetorical questions, since it is another debate. Anyway, if you believe the rights of a woman are always more important than that of a foetus you should be fine with a woman conceiving a foetus for sale or donation, because she wants to and that comes first. Obviously no one is OK with exploitation, but I am stating that with your position, a woman truly choosing this should be fine.

You sound very sheltered and naive, and you are really not coming across as 'philosophically' as you think you are.

jellyfrizz · 25/08/2022 10:35

I can't see much difference between a full term foetus and a newborn, really.

One is inside a woman's body, the other isn't.

TeaKlaxon · 25/08/2022 10:49

Jesus the number of people demonstrating that they haven't the first clue about adoption on this thread is astonishing.

The line that 'they can always adopt' is utter nonsense.

Adoption is not something that someone just steps into when they can't conceive a biological child. It requires a whole different commitment and skill set, and an entirely different view about what your life as a parent will be like. Some people are suited to it. Many are not.

Pretending that adoption is an interchangeable option for starting a family with having a child biologically are talking nonsense. Suggesting that if someone is suited to being a biological parent, they can also just as easily be an adoptive parent is ridiculous.

TeaKlaxon · 25/08/2022 10:54

Incidentally, also on adoption, but using the experiences of adopted children to support an anti-surrogacy position is also nonsense. Claiming that the very fact of being removed from a birth mother at a very early stage will cause significant attachment disorders is just evidence free nonsense.

Yes, babies who are denied nurture in their early days have lasting impacts from that. But that nurture need not necessarily come from a biological parent. That is why a child who is removed at birth is less likely to develop attachment disorders than a child removed at 2 or 3 years old.

Also, the whole discourse ignores the many other factors that are often present in adoption cases - the fact that a child might often be exposed to drugs, alcohol, violence or significantly raised cortisol in utero, often contributing to lasting developmental, learning or behavioural challenges.

And that's before you get into the variability of experiences depending on how adoptive parents approach adoption, birth family contact and life story work.

So please stop using the difficulties many adopted people face to justify an opposition to surrogacy.

5zeds · 25/08/2022 10:54

I would imagine surrogacy is very different again.

gnilliwdog · 25/08/2022 11:00

jellyfrizz · 25/08/2022 10:35

I can't see much difference between a full term foetus and a newborn, really.

One is inside a woman's body, the other isn't.

Yes, but if a woman wants to be a surrogate she wants to have the baby. Maybe it should be privately funded, rigorously controlled and a woman could only do it once and receive a million pounds for being a surrogate. That could set a young, healthy woman up for life. The baby could be set up as much wanted in a wealthy, stable family that could provide. The only issue I see with that is the separation from the mother (if the adopting mother can use her own eggs that would make her genetically related to the baby.) If other donor eggs have to be used the child has issues around separation from their own genetic inheritance.

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