DH letting 5 month old shout / call

[Chickpea11]

Here is the scene setting.

Baby just turned 5 months
Me working full time but from home
DH on SPL looking after baby

DH tends to leave baby shout or call (not actually crying but shouting loudly) now and then. Basically he puts baby down and then goes off to do something. When the shouting continues and also keeps getting louder I very often come and pick up the baby. DH is annoyed saying baby needs to ‘learn’ and if DH was here alone there would be no-one to pick the baby up anyway as DH would need to finish what ever is he doing.

Me: not sure how much will a baby learn at this age from being left unattended

DH: I’m interfering and keeps repeating the line if he was here alone

Who thinks the baby will learn anything from this?

Who thinks if you have a small baby you need to accept that certain things you just will need to do in a rush or half do whilst being interrupted?

At what age do you think you can start thinking about ‘trying to teach the baby something’ such as you need to learn to wait.

at this age you should tend to your baby, it won’t learn much about waiting at this age

This isn’t really a the opposite though. You cannot respond to your baby within a seconds notice all the timer. My baby would shout all the time because I couldn’t hold her while making up a bottle with boiling water, or I needed a wee, or a drink or because I left her on her mat to answer the door or because she wanted to play but I needed to make her dinner or get her clothes ready for after the bath.
You have said the baby isn’t even crying.
Just let him get on with it. If my husband had told me to go to the baby faster while sat working from home I would have been so annoyed. Backseat parenting is not helpful.

At this sort of age they do love to shout and play with their newly discovered talent. As long as baby isn’t upset and being left to cry for periods of time I can’t see why you would need to intervene. I never left my dc to cry but sometimes I did have to put them down to do something or nothing would get done!

But she is distracted and distressed by the baby shouting out. And rushing in to pick the baby up. No judgement, I definitely would be the same 5 months pp when your hormones are all over the place.

OP and her partner have different parenting styles and they need to be ironed out.

I wish I knew! So difficult to get the balance between teaching them that they can't always have an immediate response (sometimes you just can't if driving, dealing with another child, prepping their food, for example) and not allowing them to feel insecure by ignoring them. In reality I think most people do what circumstances dictate with immediate response where possible and delayed if necessary. Not sure what that teaches though, as it's fairly inconsistent, and the child isn't going to understand the difference between being ignored unavoidably and being ignored deliberately.

However, at times it turned out baby was actually hungry but it was being assumed that it’s just being loud.

Babies are always hungry.

If your DH is off washing bottles or cleaning the toilet or preparing lunch YABU.
If he's on the Xbox YANBU.

Leaving the baby to make the usual baby sounds is fine but I wouldn't be impressed by him assuming that he's just being loud when he's starting to become on the verge of distressed and not bothering to check if he's hungry/needs to be changed etc. He's 5 months now. He should be starting to become somewhat familiar with his hunger cues/cries surely?

One, hopefully last addition from me, to clarify, I do not rush to pick him up every time. I only pick him up if the noise is escalating and it sounds like baby is getting distressed (And I also start feeling somewhat distressed by it), and also I only pick him up if I need to get on with work whilst DH is finishing what ever is he doing. Other times, when the same scenario described above is happening I pop in and just push some toys closer or talk a bit, rather than pick up and go back to my desk.

Ok, I’m going to give this one away as well, sometime DH is actually holding the baby but DH is watching TV (not kids TV) and baby is shouting in his arms.

You are totally undermining your husband. You are meant to be working, not dealing with the baby. If your boss knew you were doing childcare on work hours, he/she would probably not be too impressed. The kid is not distressed.

Ok, I’m going to give this one away as well, sometime DH is actually holding the baby but DH is watching TV (not kids TV) and baby is shouting in his arms.

What's wrong with this OP? Sounds retty standard, i didn't watch baby tv at that age, i'm obviously going to watch my tv, and shows that baby has just found his voice, even when being held

Ok, I’m going to give this one away as well, sometime DH is actually holding the baby but DH is watching TV (not kids TV) and baby is shouting in his arms.

That's how I spent 80% of my maternity leaves.

Honestly OP, it's ok for a baby to squawk a bit - they do it more and more as they get older. Also, your DH will never learn your baby's cries etc if you keep jumping in. Honestly, it sounds like he's got this. Deep breaths and step back.

(Agree about hormones etc at 5 months though, I know it's not easy.)

Ok, I’m going to give this one away as well, sometime DH is actually holding the baby but DH is watching TV (not kids TV) and baby is shouting in his arms.

There's nothing wrong with this! I'm currently on ML and sometimes DH works from home. If he started on me because the baby was making noise while I'm trying to watch Hart of Dixie on catch up he'd be given short thrift from me

Stop it op.

So literally, you don’t expect your DH to do anything else at all for himself when watching the baby? How do you expect that to work?
I won’t support leaving a baby to be distressed however from your most recent update, I feel you’re just being over the top.

Babies like making noise. It's how they learn to control their voice and develop language.

Bet he'll be there like a shot when he makes a Da Da DAAAAA shout.

YABU.

You don't want to be a helicopter parent - it's not good for the kids.

Plus - your child is playing with their voice - it's how they learn to speak! Why would you want to stop that development?

Let your DH deal with it - he isn't going to learn himself if you jump in all the time. Get some ear plugs if the normal baby noises distress you.

Yabu. Shouting, even if escalating loudly does not require intervention. Crying, yes obviously does. Your dh seems to be dealing with it fine. The fact baby turned out to be hungry one time is neither here nor there. I take it baby hasn't gone through the shrill, high pitched squealing stage yet either?

Is your DH leaving the baby in one room and doing things in another? Even if the baby is left in a safe manner, it'll be much more stimulating for baby to be watching your DH. At that age they're really interested in the world around them. He can just take the playmat / baby chair / jumparoo into the room with him.

On a separate note. you are better off having this discussion with him in the evening, then just blocking it all out during the working day - you need to leave DH to it. Or better still, go to the office or a coffee shop to work!

The fact baby turned out to be hungry one time is neither here nor there.

She said at times so not just once.

Yeah, we are struggling with feeding. Baby is very often clearly hungry but won’t take the bottle or breast until calmed down (mixed fed). It will shout and then start crying when offered bottle or breast and after number of attempts and calming it will destroy the bottle…

Sometimes because it was offered the bottle already, it is assumed it is not hungry but actually probably just needed further calming down…

Ok, I’m going to give this one away as well, sometime DH is actually holding the baby but DH is watching TV (not kids TV) and baby is shouting in his arms.

This can’t be serious!

Important skill for future life, shouting at the telly. It equips them for the world of social media, too.

"It"? Saying he or she is not going to out you.

I think you need to back off and let them establish their own routines and relationship. If being there but not being in charge is too distressing for you then deal with that, can it be changed? Do you resent your roles? It must be hard if you wish it were the other way around.

Sometimes because it was offered the bottle already, it is assumed it is not hungry but actually probably just needed further calming down…

I don't think shared parental leave is working for you. You're not prepared to let your DH learn what you already have.

I don't think I could work with a noisy baby in the next room.

Why not have a set feed time so he doesn't get worked up? We did this and they never had to call out for food. Might also be getting hungry if you're sticking to guidelines of 6 months for solids. Maybe try some baby porridge.

You’re undermining your DH’s parenting. If the baby is not actually crying, not actually distressed, I think you either need noise cancelling headphones or to work outside the home.