Husband always puts DD to bed late

[HolyCow83]

Aibu here. Have a 10 month and a 3 year old DD who has just dropped naps. She’s knackered at the end of the day and needs to go to bed. I am bf the baby to sleep and need DH to put the 3yo down..I do dinner for both at 6.15 and at 7pm start bedtime. He comes down from work at 7. Surely DD could be in bed by 7.30. On nights when I do both I manage to get her done in 20-30mins. I request this to him - she needs to go to bed ASAP but still he faffs around and takes an entire hour sometimes even without a bath, reading multiple stories and taking ages. It’s driving me insane. He tells me it’s not my business, he is doing his best etc. He starts going crazy if I pick up on it. Literally no idea how to get her to bed earlier. We have to wake her up in the morning often to get her ready for childminders. Help!

He is trying, supposedly from the time he comes home. He's not slacking around.

Maybe help him out and show him on one occasion

Are you saying that you get DD down by 730 but he gets her down for 8? If so, YABU. So what if you have to wake her for the childminder?

If you mean he doesn't get her to bed till 9 then maybe it's an issue and he should only put her to bed when he manage to get her down within half an hour of her normal time.

Unclench. Him spending time with her is waaaay more important than hurrying her to bed in 20 minutes.

Also, she has two parents, so how come your way is the way?

Kids are adaptable, you sound very rigid.

I think that’s fine. If he literally finish work at 7pm then she’s excited to see him and he probably wants to give an extra story or not tell off straight away.

take yourself off, feed baby, and if baby settles enjoy 30 mins yourself. Leave dh to it.

Yeah she’s in bed usually by 8. Ok perhaps I am being too strict. Just seems like she’s tired in the day and needs to go to bed earlier and it’s completely out of my control

Don't micromanage him - he can choose not to do things exactly the way you would do them, and that is ok. You are not his employer, he is putting his own child to bed here.

Would you like him watching you and telling you how to do things better?

Maybe he enjoys spending the time with her and being part of her life and that extra 30mins means a lot to him?
I'd say you're fortunate to have a DH who's so active and present with her and doesn't use work as an excuse to pawn everything on you.

I'm jealous your DH even does bedtime. My 3 year old refuses anyone but me😒I'd say just let him get on with it, this doesn't seem worth the argument.

Reading her the stories is hugely valuable, its important time and shes not going to bed too late, just later than you would put her to bed.

YABU.

You have a DH who puts your DC to bed. By MN standards, he's a unicorn! Secondly, he is actually spending some time with her after not seeing all her day. It's not like she's up until 11pm watching the telly by herself.

It’s good for them to spend time together. Unless she’s desperately tired in the morning I’d let it go.

DH has done bedtime for DD1 most nights since DD2 was born a couple of months ago and it can be a bit elastic timewise sometimes but it doesn't really matter! Half an hour isn't that big a deal and personally I think it's good to have some variance in routine anyway as it makes kids more adaptable and able to handle unexpected changes more easily.

YABU just let him do it his way.

YABVU!

Going to bed at a lot later than 8 is normal in most countries in the world. So is waking children up in the morning instead of them jumping into your bed at 5am, ready for the day.

She’ll be fine. Let it be.

How does her going to bed 1/2 hr later impact you or your dd?

Putting his child to bed, spending quality time with her, and reading her an extra story?

What a bastard.

Missing the point here, but that teatime and bedtime seem quite late for a 3 year old..... We do tea by 5 at the latest for our toddler DC and start bedtime routine around 6 so they're well rested. Could your DH take an hour or so off work to do bedtime etc and then go back to it for an hour at around 7:30 once your 3 year old is asleep?

When you say he “goes crazy”, though, what does that mean?

I couldn't get worked up about this.

‘Could your DH take an hour or so off work to do bedtime etc and then go back to it for an hour at around 7:30 once your 3 year old is asleep?’

Also this. 7pm is sleep time for a 3 year old in our house, not playtime.

Does it matter? Fucking hell this is a new one, ‘help my DH reads DD too many bedtime stories’.
He only starts his evening at 7, let him spend some time with his child. If she was shattered she wouldn’t want to stay up and read more.

Sounds like they argue. OP says its 'driving me insane' which is an overreaction so presumably she starts going on at him that he's doing it all wrong and so I would assume he bites back.

WTF for? It's half an hour. And it's not that late. If she's dropped a nap then clearly she's not too tired during the day.

@thelittleapple ”Also this. 7pm is sleep time for a 3 year old in our house, not playtime.”

“Our” being the most important word here.
Not every 3 year old has to be asleep at 7pm on the dot, that isn’t a universal rule, it’s just yours.
OP’s husband is putting DD to bed like 30 minutes later than she would, it’s really not a big deal and it’s just micromanaging to dictate an exact bedtime if DH and DD are happy and content with this arrangement.