Unreasonable to say no to charities?

[PurpleWisteria]

DH and I are very lucky and will be able to cope with the increase in the cost of living. We have good pensions and savings. No holidays since pre Covid and no debts to service.

We had a look at our finances and have decided to give a monthly amount to our 2 DS's (and partners) to help them out for a while as both have hefty mortgages. Neither DS has asked for this but we know they are worried. We have often helped both out financially thinking better now than when we are dead. Morbid, perhaps.

We will not have to cut back on the money we give to our charities.

However, this morning I had an email from a local charity that we support asking us to increase our donation (quite substantially). I appreciate that a lot of people will be struggling and we have no intention of stopping donations but don't feel able to increase the amount and support the DS's. Especially as I think we will be hearing from other charities along the same lines.

However, I feel guilty. AIBU to say no?

Just ignore the email and continue your regular amount

Of course you're not being unreasonable!
You already donate, you don't have to give more just because they've asked you to up your donation
They can ask, but it doesn't mean you have to or are in a position to give more so just keep as you are

Charity begins at home!

Family comes first.

in fact. Where I live the compulsory charitable donation that’s part of a persons religious obligations make it very clear that you give to family first and only then do you give to others in need.

I’d ask how much of your donation actually goes to the cause and how much goes on director’s salaries.
keep it for your kids

Charities take the piss. But I think it's really good that you're supporting your family in a difficult time, they'll appreciate that.

Thanks. I think I will just ignore it. I tend to overthink at times.

Any charity that i donate to who tries to guilt trip me into giving more IMMEDIATELY gets taken off the list. Updates and general comments about what they are planning for the future and so on I allow. Blatant whining and guilting, they get the chop. If they contact me again, i tell them why.

YANBU It's your money not the charity's lol. I have stopped making several donations because they waste the money I have just given, writing to me asking me for more money.
A lot of them have also gone down the 'gender identity ideology' rabbit hole and are now working against the safeguarding interests of the children they are supposed to care about.
Charity begins at home after all. Supporting your own family is directly addressing any generational wealth gap and as you say is better done before your actual death.

This is one of the reasons I don't do regular charitable donations. Once you're on their list they don't leave you alone and it's never enough

Charities do this constantly, relying on emotional manipulation to get more money out of those who already donate. Ignore.

Family comes first. I wouldn't be giving money away when my own children were running short.

This 100%. I've given regularly but the minute they start to harass for more I cancel the direct debit and walk away.

Don't feel guilty...you're already doing more than a lot of people.
I had a charity call me for my credit card details after I signed up as interested in them. I said I'd set up a standing order, but they would only take the credit card. The agent even told me that there was a little girl at the top of the list waiting for my donations, and if I didn't sign up....well....you know....maybe it'll be too late for her! I was sickened and told them to forget the whole thing.
My donations go to a cancer charity, and two local dog rescues now.

Anyone remember this story about 92 year old Olive?
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3083859/Shame-charities-drove-Olive-death-Organisations-exploited-pensioner-s-kind-heart-admit-sending-begging-letters.html

When I wound up my father's estate I found he had been 'guilted' into multiple charitable donations and was in receipt of copious begging letters from them every month ....and then there are the manipulative adverts on the tv as well.
The charity sector has lost its way.

In my experience they all write asking for more...it's just the time lapse which varies. Salvation Army, Crisis at Christmas are all now ignored by me.

Ha, just as I'm reading this they are going to have this very discussion on The Jeremy Vine show after the break...

No, YANBU. I find charities very over bearing and grabby anyway. The more they persist and demand, the more likely I won't give anything. And I don't like this "You must pay X MINIMUM per month" - what happened to donating what you want?

Tell them to stop asking for more or you will cancel the payment altogether.

The charity that sent the letter might get 2% of people raise their giving and that will raise them way more than the cost of making the ask. Don't worry if you are in the 98%, we can't all help everything, but if you don't ask you don't get and charities support important causes and make the world a better place for the most vulnerable. I work for a charity, believe most charities are doing amazing things but respond to a very limited number of causes that I'm passionate about.

YANBU, it's your money, spend it as you both wish.

However, make the terms clear to DC, that this isn't a handout for life. Ime, once people start receiving money from their parents, they never want it to stop and many get very entitled.

Of course not. Why would you?

Be careful about the amount you are giving your kids - it’s nice to help, but the cost of living will go up for you too, and given how the NHS is you may have medical xs in future.

I don’t know why people get so bothered by this.

Charities do it because it’s easier to get someone who already gives to give more, than sign up a new giver. It’s an effective way to direct their fundraising resources, which if you support the charity is what you should want them to do.

If you don’t want to, chuck it. It’s no big deal.

Anyone remember this story about 92 year old Olive?

Yep.

My 85-year old dad has been donating money to a charity in Africa that pays for children to go to school. He has been receiving letters from the same boy for 10 years, in near-perfect English, saying thanks. He has a couple of these on the go and other things. I've told him it is a scam but he won't listen. My dad, who only has a state pension, and will have to limit his heating this winter, but he won't stop paying these DD.

This is why I don't give to regular charities except my local homeless centre or FB with the odd money in a box when presented. There are vey good charities in the UK, but as my DH says, it is an industry and many people have their noses in the trough.

Sorry, point being the boy was about 12 when my dad first started and my dad always gets a typed letter. I imagine someone in an office typing this top whilst her boss drives off in a phantom Rolls Royce.