Unreasonable to say no to charities?

[PurpleWisteria]

DH and I are very lucky and will be able to cope with the increase in the cost of living. We have good pensions and savings. No holidays since pre Covid and no debts to service.

We had a look at our finances and have decided to give a monthly amount to our 2 DS's (and partners) to help them out for a while as both have hefty mortgages. Neither DS has asked for this but we know they are worried. We have often helped both out financially thinking better now than when we are dead. Morbid, perhaps.

We will not have to cut back on the money we give to our charities.

However, this morning I had an email from a local charity that we support asking us to increase our donation (quite substantially). I appreciate that a lot of people will be struggling and we have no intention of stopping donations but don't feel able to increase the amount and support the DS's. Especially as I think we will be hearing from other charities along the same lines.

However, I feel guilty. AIBU to say no?

I don’t know why people get so bothered by this

Because they bobard and guilt trip the vulnerable elderly into constantly giving more. Deplorable actions.

I donate to the charities of my choice, but have a personal policy of not donating to charities that harass people in the street or in shop doorways, etc. I am unfailingly polite, but I tell the representatives precisely this whenever I am approached.

I'd stop any payments I made to them and let them know why I had done so

Guilt tripping money grabbers

I hate being chugged in supermarket entrances , stopped shopping in a couple of places due to them setting up stalls virtually harassing people going in and out of the shop

I have cancelled all but one of my regular contributions, there is one that is really close to my heart that I still have a direct debit for but they only send update newsletters.

Once a lad calling from a large cancer charity asked me “ Don’t you care about dying children?” I decided at that point never to give them my money.

I love GOSH as a charity as they’ve really helped the child of someone I know, but every time I donate I get endless scam calls. I’m not 100% sure they’re linked but it makes me wary.

I don't mind charities asking for more once. But Action Aid once wrote to me telling me that my amount would be increased not asking but telling. I was not happy, didn't cancel it but made it clear the about wouldnt be increasing. I could barely afford it as it was. Cheeky.

And yet again some of my post has inexplicably been crossed out!

You do understand that the entire purpose of a charity is to raise funds, right? Of course they're going to ask people for money. That's literally what a charity is for. They haven't used unscrupulous methods here at all - they've sent an email, that's all.

The OP can simply ignore the email or unsubscribe from further communications if she wants to. The charity hasn't done anything wrong by asking and she isn't doing anything wrong by ignoring them or saying no.

I worked for a bank years ago and part of our job was to keep an eye out for potential fraud of course. I had an elderly gentleman ring me once because he got a letter about a declined direct debit and could not understanding why the bank did not send it as he had enough money.

When I asked what his usual direct debits were he mentioned 1 charity and bills. I could see 5 different charity's taking direct debits from his account totally around £300 per month. I went through each one and he did not have a clue, he stated he would chat to them if they called to the door and unfortunately had handed over his details, he said he was often berated by them but was in shock. I immediately got the last payments refunded and we put a block on them going forward. Poor man was taken advantage off, he was 88 years old and I'll never forget it.

The law has changed quite a bit since Olive Cooke fyi.

OP, it's not unreasonable to say no to charities.

To the other PP, charities depend on donations to survive and to carry out their (mostly) really good work. They aren't money grabbing. Many are doing the work that the govt or the NHS or other public services should be doing. If they don't ask for money, no one donates to them. You can just ignore any asks or opt out of future contact. If they continue to contact you then, you can contact the ICO.

I don't do regular donations to charities, I don't trust most of them and I won't be guilted or hassled into doing anything! I do loan people money through Lendwithcare though, then when it's paid back I lend money to someone else. Better to help people to help themselves IMO. As soon as someone tried to make me feel bad about not paying more or started hassling me I'd stop donating straight away so that these tactics don't pay off and hopefully put a stop to them being used on vulnerable people - I suggest you do the same.

Thanks, all.

I'm going to ignore the email but carry on with the original donation.

I don't trust charities. There's always a director at the top siphoning a share of the donations off for themselves.

Yes. My sister in law is terminally I’ll and told us recently that a charity had offered to help her write her will. We had to explain that although they said she didn’t have to leave them anything she’d probably find it very difficult not to. The whole thing makes me feel quite sick.

There are too many of them though, all with directors on very good salaries.

Do we really need as many cancer charities as we have, for example? Why not have fewer and bring down the admin costs?

I had to threaten to call the police last week because two doorstep chuggers were pressurising my neighbour who has dementia.

YANBU.

If a charity I was supporting tried that with me, I would cancel my payments completely and write to the head person at the charity explaining exactly why I was no longer prepared to support the cheeky fuckers.

Sorry but I would just stop the donations if they ask again. It always seems to be these big charities that constantly ask for money while their CEOs or that get millions. I don't mind donating to local small charities where I know where the money is going but I wouldn't donate if the asked for it.

You are right to put the needs of your family first.

Don't go feeling guilty, you already give to charity anyway I think your conscience should be chrystal clear.

My 23 year old son who has only just graduated and got a job was staying with me a few weeks ago....I was at work and he answered a knock at the door...he was persuaded to give his bank details and sign up to a direct debit...I'm annoyed as hes only just started working and has student debts and an overdraft to pay off...I know its his own fault but I also know my son and I knpw he would have struggled to say no at the door.

Someone on here very usefully told me about this book/website/movement which tells you which charities are legit and cost-effective:

www.thelifeyoucansave.org/about/the-life-you-can-save-uk/

Personally, I think that is quite outrageous by the charity and I would cancel any further donations.

Same here , the CEO of BHF get's nearly 250k salary per annum by the way !

That's Cancer Research UK not BHF by the way , my mistake .

Lots of ignorant posts about charities.

The vast majority of charities are doing amazing work. They do it on a shoe string. They do it with staff who are paid 10% than they would be if working in the public or private sector.

Charities save lives every day, they protect children from harm, they help women escaping domestic abuse, they are trying to prevent horrible diseases and supporting those who have them. They enrich our lives by running sports clubs, Scouts, museums. They are trying to save the planet and protect it from future generations. They run food banks, they give free legal advice, they run shelters for homeless people.

This country, and others would be well and truly fecked without charities.

Of course OP if you do not need to donate any more and its perfectly reasonable to decline the request.

I have worked for charities for 20 years and many do brilliant work.

But there are a lot of issues for fundraising too.

I worked for charities where a lot of the money raised went into paying the CEO and a couple of directors a fat salary rather than supporting the people they were supposed to help.

I hate ''chuggers'' and the way some charities try to guilt-trip people into donating. Sometimes charities also use third parties rather than in-house staff to fundraise and these external agencies can be quite bad when dealing with people. Really pushy and rude.

I think there is more pressure than ever on charities though as they pick up a lot of the slack when it comes to supporting vulnerable and disadvantaged people at the moment as government keeps cutting services and does nothing to help the poorest. So some are worth supporting but you should never be pressured in giving.

Also charities can raise money from other sources: Trusts and Foundations, corporate partners and so on. it is not only the public that can support them.