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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you see them daily?

71 replies

Wouldyouthough79 · 22/08/2022 23:12

If someone had come over to visit you (but also for a holiday) but weren’t staying with you, would you see them everyday?

OP posts:
Original poster
Wouldyouthough79 · 22/08/2022 23:16

Anyone?

OP posts:
Lymregent · 22/08/2022 23:17

I wouldn't expect to, no.

Original poster
Wouldyouthough79 · 22/08/2022 23:18

@Lymregent Why not?

OP posts:
carefullycourageous · 22/08/2022 23:19

It is hard to be sure - if they were there three days then yes, if three weeks then no as I have to work!

I think either way could be fine - you just have to negotiate. I would of course make sure to see them enough for them to feel loved/wanted/welcome.

What is your situation - what has happened?

Starship951 · 22/08/2022 23:19

It depends on the situation. Are they family? Are they close? Do they want to see you daily? Do you get on with them?

Original poster
Wouldyouthough79 · 22/08/2022 23:20

They’re here for a week, family. The assumption seems to be to see daily and they make the plans.

OP posts:
wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 22/08/2022 23:23

It depends.
If they're old, lifelong friends who've lived in Sumatra for twenty years, and they're here for a week then yes... see them every opportunity.

If you live in Lytham St Anne's and they live in Macclesfield and they haven't seen you in six months, then no.

Starship951 · 22/08/2022 23:24

It sounds like they want to see you daily but you don't want to?
Have they come from far? Are they related to you directly or to your partner and children, if you have any? Do they want to see them?

It's hard to have an opinion when the details are so vague.

Original poster
Wouldyouthough79 · 22/08/2022 23:24

@Starship951 We get on ok but every day seems a bit intense and doing things they want to do/going to places they want to go

OP posts:
Original poster
Wouldyouthough79 · 22/08/2022 23:26

@Starship951 Related to partner, I just didn’t think would be every day of the whole holiday…I imagined they might want to go on trips out themselves perhaps…

OP posts:
CactusBlossom · 22/08/2022 23:28

Depends how long their holiday is. If you don't want to see them every day, at least they aren't staying with you.

Original poster
Wouldyouthough79 · 22/08/2022 23:35

@CactusBlossom Its a week. They’ve more or less planned every day 😬

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NippyNippy · 22/08/2022 23:37

We've just come back from holiday where we go to the location specifically to see our very close friends and let our boys be together as we only meet in person once or twice a year currently due to work, school etc. We don't stay with them, we stay a small distance away but the plan is usually to see each other daily if we can. Although if we don't, we don't and no one gets offended, we just make sure to communicate 100%.

carefullycourageous · 22/08/2022 23:37

Wouldyouthough79 · 22/08/2022 23:35

@CactusBlossom Its a week. They’ve more or less planned every day 😬

That's pretty rude, they should be chatting in advance not dictating.

I am a bugger for just lying, I'd have a migraine tomorrow if I was you.

Original poster
Wouldyouthough79 · 22/08/2022 23:55

@carefullycourageous Well the main person will say to my dc what they want to do/ask them ‘You can come to ours/do such and such tomorrow’ dc gets excited and says yes, then plan is made

OP posts:
Iadorerain · 23/08/2022 00:02

its what I’d expect if I specifically went to visit someone, however , maybe you need to say you’ve got unavoidable plans one day if it’s too much for you.

Kite22 · 23/08/2022 00:22

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 22/08/2022 23:23

It depends.
If they're old, lifelong friends who've lived in Sumatra for twenty years, and they're here for a week then yes... see them every opportunity.

If you live in Lytham St Anne's and they live in Macclesfield and they haven't seen you in six months, then no.

This.
It is going to depend so much on all sorts of things.

But either way, I'd have discussed it when they asked to come over.

"yes, it will be lovely to see you, although of course remember this isn't a holiday for us.....we will be working and doing our usual stuff but it will be lovely to meet up once or twice during the week" ..... or whatever your expectations are.

OTOH - if this is your dc's grandparents and they have flown in from abroad to spend time with them, then that is clearly a very different situation.

So, as wherearethebeefand onioncrisp say - it depends.

CrapBucket · 23/08/2022 00:24

It depends. If granny and grandad have come from far away to visit grandchildren, every day for a week is what I would expect as default.

Original poster
Wouldyouthough79 · 23/08/2022 00:26

@CrapBucket Sister in law?

OP posts:
daisy46 · 23/08/2022 00:55

Wouldyouthough79 · 23/08/2022 00:26

@CrapBucket Sister in law?

Yes, the child's aunt? Certainly. They came to see you/the family. YABU

Marvellousmadness · 23/08/2022 05:18

No of course not.
But YOU assumed the wouldnt
And YOUR SIL assumed that she would

This is why people should TALK to eachother before doing things.

themimi · 23/08/2022 05:26

Wouldyouthough79 · 22/08/2022 23:55

@carefullycourageous Well the main person will say to my dc what they want to do/ask them ‘You can come to ours/do such and such tomorrow’ dc gets excited and says yes, then plan is made

I would suggest that DC can go for quality time and you don't stay on one day. Free pass!

Original poster
Wouldyouthough79 · 23/08/2022 08:47

@themimi Dc only 4, wouldn’t leave them sadly

OP posts:
Original poster
Wouldyouthough79 · 23/08/2022 09:03

@Marvellousmadness You wouldn’t see them daily?

OP posts:
Starship951 · 23/08/2022 09:21

Do they have dc?
I think it's lovely they want to spend lots of time with their dn.
Do you not trust them? I would leave a 4 yr old. Can your partner take dc without you?
Unless there's a back story, in this case I would see them daily. It sounds like they're here to spend time with their family and it's only a week.