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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dating someone with a child. Worth it?

78 replies

dmwalker · 22/08/2022 18:32

I've been seeing someone who has a child. (I wouldn't ordinarily date someone with a child). Been together 7 months, but friends for many years prior. Dates are often cut short because he can't manage his time, his ex still contacts him daily as they run a business together. They still plan on taking family holidays together, work together etc... it is really bizarre that they don't seem separated at all. He said it's because they have to/want to remain friends for the sake of the child - which I totally understand - and encourage.

But there's zero 'separation' and I feel like his life is some strange juggling act. He's constantly messaging and taking her calls even when we are together.

Whenever I mention it; I'm told that I 'don't understand' because I don't have a child and that I'm being 'immature'. I'm tired of being made to feel like I am asking too much - when it's really the bare minimum. I work as a Dr so my time is limited.

I'm 32, live alone in London, otherwise have a great life, friends etc...

Should I just break this off and not waste anymore of my time?

OP posts:
SparklyLeprechaun · 22/08/2022 18:33

There are other men out there, ditch.

Hapoydayz · 22/08/2022 18:35

I wouldn’t bother, too much hassle

aSofaNearYou · 22/08/2022 18:36

Whenever I mention it; I'm told that I 'don't understand' because I don't have a child and that I'm being 'immature'.

Before I even got to this bit, no, but after reading this, definitely not.

lickenchugget · 22/08/2022 18:36

Honestly, run. I would never do it again.

TeachesOfPeaches · 22/08/2022 18:36

Why are you even entertaining this OP?

MummaB22 · 22/08/2022 18:37

Yeah I'd move on. You deserve to be someone's priority.

pjmasksitsthepjmasks · 22/08/2022 18:37

Call it a day op. This is far too much of a pain in the ass. You're young and shouldn't be tied down with somebody else's child and ex. Life is too short to come second or third best in your relationship all the time, unless it's to your own DC.

HandbagAtDawn · 22/08/2022 18:37

Run like the wind. Unless you want to be forever in a triangle with him and his ex and you at the bottom.

JADS · 22/08/2022 18:38

Break it off, it won't get better. It's not a child problem, it's total wanker problem. Is he in the medical field too?

ALittleBitShit · 22/08/2022 18:38

No. Just no.

stealthninjamum · 22/08/2022 18:40

Op there’s nothing wrong with dating someone with a child but most divorced / separated parents are not so involved in each others’

AlmostAJillSandwich · 22/08/2022 18:40

Wow, my partner of almost 2 years has a child, and his relationship with his ex is nothing like this at all. They're civil, friendly on phonecalls but totally separate lives, certainly no holidays together. Infact, they keep most of the arrangements for handovers through his mum, to keep distance between them. I would absolutely not stay with my partner if his relationship with his ex was even close to the one your partner has with his ex.

stealthninjamum · 22/08/2022 18:41

Oops posted soon I was going to say most divorced parents aren’t as involved in each other’s lives.

Run.

MzHz · 22/08/2022 18:44

dmwalker · 22/08/2022 18:32

I've been seeing someone who has a child. (I wouldn't ordinarily date someone with a child). Been together 7 months, but friends for many years prior. Dates are often cut short because he can't manage his time, his ex still contacts him daily as they run a business together. They still plan on taking family holidays together, work together etc... it is really bizarre that they don't seem separated at all. He said it's because they have to/want to remain friends for the sake of the child - which I totally understand - and encourage.

But there's zero 'separation' and I feel like his life is some strange juggling act. He's constantly messaging and taking her calls even when we are together.

Whenever I mention it; I'm told that I 'don't understand' because I don't have a child and that I'm being 'immature'. I'm tired of being made to feel like I am asking too much - when it's really the bare minimum. I work as a Dr so my time is limited.

I'm 32, live alone in London, otherwise have a great life, friends etc...

Should I just break this off and not waste anymore of my time?

You are worth sooooooo much more than this

dont settle! His life isn’t his own, and he isn’t putting you first at any point

it won’t ever get any better

jimmyjammy001 · 22/08/2022 18:44

Same as everyone else, move on and find someone who is childless and more compatible like your self so you have the same sort of lifestyle /free time / priorities in life, your finding out first hand that your second priority and will have to make all the compromises and sacrifices going forward. Don't accept the emotional blackmail of what they think, it's your happiness in the relationship which is paramount not theirs

lancsgirl85 · 22/08/2022 18:45

Dates are often cut short because he can't manage his time, his ex still contacts him daily as they run a business together. They still plan on taking family holidays together, work together etc..

Family holidays together? Fuck. That.

blackberrybat · 22/08/2022 18:48

Run. Run fast. Run far. Do not look back

MintJulia · 22/08/2022 18:58

That doesn't sound very 'separated' to me. I'm not sure the child is the issue.

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 22/08/2022 19:02

Get out now before you develop deeper feelings for him. He's not even properly separated by the sounds of it and he called you immature for expecting him to be a good and present partner. He sounds like a man to avoid!

User82517 · 22/08/2022 19:04

Run. I say this as a step-parent who would never do it again.

Caroffee · 22/08/2022 19:05

Yes, break it off. I'm sure he's a nice guy but essentially he is still in a relationship with his child's mother. Family holidays together should stop once a new partner is on the scene. You are young enough to meet someone else who makes you their no. 1 priority.

thesurrealist · 22/08/2022 19:15

Dump him.
Apart from the obvious that he and his ex are totally living in each other's pockets, it is also the fact that he thinks of you - a grown woman with a responsible and important job - as immature.
Anyone who says that about their partner is not a person to stay with.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 22/08/2022 19:17

Feck him off mate, he will make a terrible partner.

Darkstar4855 · 22/08/2022 19:18

My partner had a child already when we met. He would never have behaved like that.

The child isn’t the problem here, the “man” is. Ditch him.

RedWingBoots · 22/08/2022 19:24

Do you like being in a relationship with his ex?

Nope?

Then dump him.

Oh and he's the immature one for his inability to put appropriate boundaries in his relationships with people particularly an ex partner.

It will be "interesting" when his ex gets a new partner. Unfortunately you won't be there to report on it.