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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Things have changed so much , so quickly?!

647 replies

doodlywoodlydingdong · 22/08/2022 18:07

I just had my grown up kids around for dinner, not unusual but it got me thinking how much things have changed in the last 3 years. We are a very typical family. I'm 45 , 4 kids aged 13-25. Between me and my DH we have an income of around £34k but very soon it's going to drop by £4k annually.

Three years ago I would go food shopping and buy pretty much whatever I wanted. If I fancied it, it went into the trolley. Full English breakfast every Saturday, big fat roast dinner with a nice joint every Sunday. Two v cheap foreign holidays a year. I enjoyed making our money stretch as far as it possibly could with holiday bargains etc. Christmas was always glorious with loads of food and some nice gifts. Lots of entertaining. fast forward 3 years.

Today I was stood in the kitchen picking the meat off 6 chicken thighs to feed seven adults and a baby. The roast dinner was totally packed out with veg and spuds. Barely any chicken compared to what I would have served 3-4 years ago. I can't stretch to a joint of pork anymore, a whole chicken is a rare treat. So thighs it is. My kids are eating more and more pasta /noodles based dishes with hot dogs as protein. I have to think twice about what is the most efficient method to cook whatever meal it is to save money on the electric. My dogs are now on the cheapest possible kibble I can find. I was actually relieved when my lovely old cat suddenly died (?!) as I wouldn't have to find the extra money for vets fees as she was knocking on a bit. Thats now £ 18 a month I'm saving on litter and food and I feel like a monster for even typing that.

I use the l local food waste project wherever I can, save every penny I can, but ultimately I'm going to have to give up my mobility car as the money would be much better in my pocket . The trade off is that I will then be house bound and that "freed up " money will be going straight to EON from October .

AIBU to have a feeling of almost grief over all of this? It's been very slow and gradual trickling of price increases etc but suddenly it's taken 6 chicken thighs to push me over the edge and be ridiculously angry and upset about how our money can purchase so much less these days?

OP posts:
Donotgogentle · 22/08/2022 21:08

JustTheOneSwan · 22/08/2022 21:05

Wow there's some really cuntish replies on this thread 😮
As my auld Nan would say tuck yerselves in your label is showing.

Yes - interesting insight into how people will go on the attack as things get worse economically.

DaphneSprucesPippasClack · 22/08/2022 21:08

If you housing is council / housing association, unless they have told you in a contract that you have to stay there for x years legally they have to adapt a new smaller place for you!

HowzAboutIt · 22/08/2022 21:09

You have a BA so you could teach overseas students from home. Even a few hours a week may help relieve your worries a bit,
Cambly dont pay a lot but have regular work.

completelyunderwhelmed · 22/08/2022 21:11

Aren't people just making the point that the OP has done very well from the welfare state for quite a while? And rightfully so, it's there to help people with health issues and it appears to have done that pretty well in this case.

In fairness, the OP seemed to be commenting on the current state of affairs rather than asking for 'more' to be done for her.

motheroftheyear95 · 22/08/2022 21:12

doodlywoodlydingdong · 22/08/2022 20:00

I can't get a lodger, I couldn't bear having strangers in my house. I was very badly raped/abused in a previous relationship and I struggle even with work men in my house. I'm still undergoing psychotherapy to deal with the PTSD . And I can't down size as my house has been adapted for my specific disabilities. We have already moved down onto the first floor and "closed off" the top two bedrooms. They are freezing cold all the time in the winter so makes more sense to stay on the first floor.

I have been following the Earn £10 a day thread and there is some great stuff on there. I'm a very good cook and it's something I really enjoy so that helps in being creative in the kitchen and using flavours to make food feel more than it is.

I was volunteering in a school. I'm a qualified HLTA with a heavy focus of additional needs. My absolute passion is helping reluctant readers grasp phonics and learn to enjoy reading. I also worked with a lot of non verbal kids just as they were starting to learn to vocalise and it made me so happy. But I'm on various immunosuppressants and now I get sick very easily. I've had pneumonia 9 times and MRSA infections more times than I can count. So I'm very limited with mixing with people. I am not even supposed to kiss my grand baby ( but I do, or what's the point in anything?! ).

Show quote history

Of course you can downsize, the council/housing association would accommodate/support a move into another adapted property. They are crying out for large properties as there are so few available.

Could you not consider a paid classroom assistant type role rather than volunteer?

Surely ideas like the above are obvious things to give thought to?

lastminutedotcom22 · 22/08/2022 21:13

SeanMean · 22/08/2022 19:53

YABU
4 kids in a 5 bed house and you don’t work!
I think you’ve been v lucky for a long time to be honest.

And 2 foreign holidays a year

Cheap rent at £97 per week

There's a lot of people in a lot worse situation than you

djdkdkddkek · 22/08/2022 21:13

God I wish my rent were 97 a week

TeachesOfPeaches · 22/08/2022 21:14

You can tutor online OP

BirmaBrite · 22/08/2022 21:15

No, but everything can be blamed on Tory/republican 'scum' didn't you know? They're responsible for 'literally' all the world's ills.

The Conservatives have been in power for a very long time, they would be hard pushed to blame anyone else for their decisions over the last 10 years or so. Obviously they would love to be able to point the finger at someone, anyone else, but it's probably not going to wash for a great deal of the populace, especially after the coming months of inflation increases, energy and interest rate hikes. They might just be able to rustle up a squirrel in time for the election, but the chances are slim, a slightly cat chewed vole is more likely.

Therewere5inthebed · 22/08/2022 21:15

Wow! There are some truly unpleasant posters on this thread,

I’m just glad that although things are tough and will without doubt get tougher I and most others have empathy.

motheroftheyear95 · 22/08/2022 21:16

JustTheOneSwan · 22/08/2022 21:05

Wow there's some really cuntish replies on this thread 😮
As my auld Nan would say tuck yerselves in your label is showing.

Not cuntish, realistic! Many of us are in/will be in the same boat and looking where we can make savings etc. These threads are getting so tedious now.

KatnissNeverdone · 22/08/2022 21:16

🙄at some or these replies. Have you tried just not being disabled OP?

JustTheOneSwan · 22/08/2022 21:17

motheroftheyear95 · 22/08/2022 21:16

Not cuntish, realistic! Many of us are in/will be in the same boat and looking where we can make savings etc. These threads are getting so tedious now.

Show quote history

You planning on cancer then and needing adaptations?

Intothewoodland · 22/08/2022 21:18

What is it about the ops post that has offended people so much? Is someone on benefits not allowed to be sad that their life has recently become financially more difficult? Is it only those who are not claiming benefits who are allowed that privilege? Bitterness is ugly.

motheroftheyear95 · 22/08/2022 21:18

FartOutLoudDay · 22/08/2022 21:07

I’ve only read your posts OP, but have you actually approached the council to look at swaps? Houses with 5 bedrooms are like gold dust and it may be worthwhile for them to adapt a 2-3 bedroom property for you if it frees up a larger adapted property for another family.

I missed your post, I said pretty much the same, it’s definitely an option for OP

motheroftheyear95 · 22/08/2022 21:19

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Meadowbreeze · 22/08/2022 21:20

I'm so confused by the mean replies, why does it matter how OP afforded the lifestyle.
The point she's making is valid. The increase in cost of everything is being felt massively. Why is that so difficult to agree with.
I'm baffled.

completelyunderwhelmed · 22/08/2022 21:20

BirmaBrite · 22/08/2022 21:15

No, but everything can be blamed on Tory/republican 'scum' didn't you know? They're responsible for 'literally' all the world's ills.

The Conservatives have been in power for a very long time, they would be hard pushed to blame anyone else for their decisions over the last 10 years or so. Obviously they would love to be able to point the finger at someone, anyone else, but it's probably not going to wash for a great deal of the populace, especially after the coming months of inflation increases, energy and interest rate hikes. They might just be able to rustle up a squirrel in time for the election, but the chances are slim, a slightly cat chewed vole is more likely.

Macro economics? Worldwide inflation? Covid (for which the Tories handed out tonnes of money for furlough etc and we were hugely succesful in developing a vaccine for - you can conveniently ignore that if you wish). Putin. The Chinese economy. Brexit (voted for by the populace).

I don't claim that recent governments are blame free but inflation is a worldwide issue.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/08/2022 21:20

I agree with those saying you should try to keep your car and independence. Please don’t listen to the posters, who begrudge what you have. You actually sound like a phenomenal person, who has made the very best of the life she has been given.

Looking at your skill set, you have a lot to offer. I was wondering if you’d considered bolstering your income a little with online tutoring, that’s if you are able and have the energy? I known it’s more difficult than face to face for younger children but perhaps SATS prep or secondary tutoring in your subject area. You have specialist knowledge maybe you could use that to teach children with additional needs or disabilities online?

I am not trying to say you should work btw. It was just a thought.

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 22/08/2022 21:20

completelyunderwhelmed · 22/08/2022 21:11

Aren't people just making the point that the OP has done very well from the welfare state for quite a while? And rightfully so, it's there to help people with health issues and it appears to have done that pretty well in this case.

In fairness, the OP seemed to be commenting on the current state of affairs rather than asking for 'more' to be done for her.

The system should of course take care of the OP's health needs. I'm less convinced the system should subsidise the OP choosing to have 4 children. Many people would like to have large or larger families but choose not to because they can't afford it.

JustTheOneSwan · 22/08/2022 21:22

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You're right, sorry.

Meadowbreeze · 22/08/2022 21:23

@TheLassWiADelicateAir But why is the number of children the OP has even relevant. The point she is making is that the cost bas increased so much for everything and they are concerned.
You have no idea what situation they were in when they had 4 children. Even if they had kids for the benefits, doesnt take away from the OPs point, which is the horrific price increase.

Ellatella · 22/08/2022 21:23

Just reading your op it sounds like you led a very lavish lifestyle for a long time. 2 foreign holidays a year is a luxury most don't have. Especially with only one adult working. You have very cheap rent and are still able to invite people round and cook for them all. So i don't think it sounds so bad.
I don't have a car and I don't have pets as its an expense I just can't commit to. My dad is disabled and looked into the mobility car scheme but it's alot of money each month. Would be better to just buy a cheaper run about than fork out so much every month.

djdkdkddkek · 22/08/2022 21:24

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This is literally what I’ve taken from the thread too

i know I shouldn’t but I’m like wow… feel like a bit of a mug

LobeliaBaggins · 22/08/2022 21:24

If I were you, I would get a female lodger
Try to get some online tutoring work ( though I am going to assume that is not easy but worth a shot)
There are many ways to eat cheaply and get protein from vegetables, or with less meat. Won't bore on about them, but Asian food sites and Asian supermarkets are your friends. Esp if you like cooking and experimenting.

I think many of us will have to change our lifestyles. I am by no means poor, but I don't entertain any more; luckily got out of the habit during Covid and now likely won't be going back. Flying is now phenomenally expensive for everyone, I guess.