To want time alone with baby

[tamalams]

My baby is only 2 and a half months old and the weekend just gone we took her away for a mini break with my other half and his 9 year old daughter from previous relationship.

Some back story: we don't live together, we went through a tough time and decided to live apart and trying to rebuild. He has his other daughter half the time.

His other daughter loves my baby to bits and it's lovely to see the baby so well accepted and loved. We all needed a nice break away so went for a weekend.

His 9 year old is an intense character but lovely. However every time I said anything to the baby, she would be there kinda blocking my face. The only time I had alone with the baby where she wasn't in the way was when I was feeding (bottle) and there's no major play / interactive time there otherwise she won't feed.

It was kinda made worse by if I didn't pay the baby any attention she would back off but as soon as I interacted it was as if I wasn't allowed to and she needed to be the baby's centre of attention.

I didn't say anything on the weekend and when I came home I was so relieved to have some time so that the baby could look in my direction without another head in the way.

My partner facetimed earlier so thought I'd speak to him about it - he spent most of the weekend saying the words "just give me 2 minutes with her please!" To his daughter every time he interacted also so i thought he'd understand but he's fuming with me bringing it up.

I began the conversation saying "I'm not saying she's doing anything wrong as such but even you were complaining that she was in the baby's face 247" but he's still fuming saying he can't believe I'm saying this about a 9 year old and I get all the time in the world with the baby where she doesn't.

And I understand where he's coming from but this was our holiday also and it would have been nice to experience the holiday with the baby too without just being the feeder.

AIBU to feel this way?

I don't think that you are wrong necessarily OP.
For me, I think that you should have said something in the moment. "Excuse me darling, bub just needs a little space/ she needs some quiet/she's getting fussy..." Like your DP did. Trying to initiate a chat to DP about his daughter after the event probably feels like a bit of an unnecessary attack.
If you said something in the moment, he could have done something about it then. If he was defensive then, he would have been unreasonable.
What is he supposed to do now? Have a word to his daughter about trying to play with her sister that she doesn't live with?
For being excited? No, of course not.

Babies adore older children.i remember my youngest e v en at about 3 weeks old watching them and screaming when I took her out of the room

Sorry, but when my DSD got a bit "enthusiastic" or "loving" (in my way!) when DS was a baby I simply asked her to move aside or give us a minute or let baby have some space or whatever.
I would have said the same to any child because at the end of the day DS is my child and my job is to look out for him.
Any less than ideal behaviour that does not directly affect me or DS is for DH to deal with, but I'm not going to sit mutely when it does affect us.
Before all the "you sound cold, bet DSD will hate your DS when they are older and you'll be sorry" wittering starts, DSD took it well and she and DS have a lovely relationship, utterly adore each other. They didn't develop that bond simply by me allowing her to flail around in his face and in my way when I was changing his nappy.

‘She's not her step child. They are semi together. If anything after what that child pulled I would think the man would be working his arse off to mend fences.’

Then he’s not her ‘other half’ at all, and going on holiday with his 9 year old was a bad decision.

You can be with an adult and not be a step child. She is her partners child.
She has no parenting role and has had to tolerate more than enough appalling behaviour.

Again this man should've been working his arse off to mend the relationship after his daughters behaviour. OP is brilliant for even trying. He didn't. Which says plenty about his lazy parenting and the children he is raising.

Update : he rang last night and admitted that he overreacted. That he heard something negative and didn't listen to my tone or even what I was saying about the situation.

He agreed that if we go away again that we turn it in to a game, so for example every time baby needs changing it becomes a funny alarm that they instantly have to drop everything and get as many hits in a tennis rally as possible while I change the baby. Makes it fun for her and I get some eye contact time without her head in the way every time haha!

All I was asking for and he admitted just because she's 9 years of age doesn't mean that she gets everything she wants and to hell with what everyone else feels or thinks, life doesn't work that way! I genuinely think that's how children end up being entitled brats! And she isn't one - so this was a good outcome for everyone.

Thanks everyone for replying!

He agreed that if we go away again that we turn it in to a game, so for example every time baby needs changing it becomes a funny alarm that they instantly have to drop everything and get as many hits in a tennis rally as possible while I change the baby. Makes it fun for her and I get some eye contact time without her head in the way every time haha!

I'm glad he's admitted he was wrong Op, but this is still a bit much and veering on the "raising an entitled child" side. I have a 9 year old DSS and would just tell him to give her some space. It shouldn't need to be anywhere near this complicated and delicate.

She's 9 I'd have let her learn how to change nappies! Obviously under guidance.

Instead of them waiting for baby to be asleep to play tennis why weren't Dad and DSD off doing things when the baby was awake? Whenever the baby was awake the full attention was on the baby so I wonder she wanted to be in the middle of it.

I'm glad he apologised, I hope the underlying attitude improves though.