To think some people are inherently jealous?

[PoppingBubbbles]

Even if they are doing better in life (on paper) they still feel jealous over what’s happening in your life?

I think this nails the mindset so clearly. The complete inability to ever be happy for anyone (or their children ).

Has anyone noticed though that the media is prompting the idea that inducing jealousy in others is to be desired? I am quietly appalled by it …but maybe I’m just getting too old for this shit

examples are rife in adverts relating to home improvement and decor : new wardrobes, new kitchen, new solid oak thingies etc etc…all of the adverts pivot around neighbours coming round and seeing your new whatits and being jealous! There appears to be more of those than any advert of the people who bought the item expressing their passion for it. There’s also a fair smattering relating to fincnacial products, personal appearance etc.

What has happened to painting my walls a colour that pleases me and sod what my friends think , having a new kitchen that I love but the neighbours think I’m batshit crazy to have installed, buying a piece of furniture that is the height of bad taste simply becuase I love it.

I have a friend who is clearly insecure and always engages in oneupmanship. I don’t know whether it’s envy or jealousy or simple insecurity.

But when I got my garden landscaped a few years ago, she asked the cost (rather than say it was nice or ask about the shrubs etc) and then said “of course it would cost much more if we were to get ours done as our garden is much bigger than yours” - in reality, her garden is not much bigger than mine, and the ‘plantable area’ in mine is actually bigger than that in hers, as hers is mostly tarmac. Similarly, when I asked her what it had cost to get built in units in her living room, as I was thinking of getting done in mind, she told me and then said “yours wouldn’t cost that much as you’ve much less space”… again, not true. And when I said I’d hired a cleaner for two hours a week I was met with “how could it take 2 hours clean your house?” 🤦‍♀️

Another example was when I changed my car, within two weeks she had changed hers, despite saying a month or two earlier that she wasn’t going to change for at least another year.

I bought a fancy new tv last year, she went and bought two of them!

Anytime she visits me, she literally walks round my house commenting on furniture, artwork etc, never complimenting it but instead asking the price. “What did that set you back?” is her most common utterance. Truly, someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

in other ways, she’s a good friend. But this aspect is infuriating. It does reveal a deep insecurity though.

I was going to type this, but you’ve saved me the bother.

There's a difference ......... envy is thinking 'I wish I had it...' Jealousy is thinking 'I wish you didn't have it.'

“One might almost say that these two words are used as if they were interchangeable ... The words are scarcely synonymous, however. Envy means discontented longing for someone else's advantages. Jealousy means unpleasant suspicion, or apprehension of rivalship.“

Two sides to this, some people cannot stand when someone has something more than them and perceive it as an injustice and the other person as undeserving. I’ve pretty much only ever found this in a work environment, specifically with males (mostly white) who couldn’t take that i had achieved something before them and went on the all out sabotage and complaining to managemen

other side people who go through life believing people are just jealous of them and every little thing is read into as ‘they’re jealous of me’ which is an impeccable level of narcissism. Had this a ‘friend’ used to fall out with other friends in her own head because everyone was jealous of her and her husband.

both variant are toxic and to an extent in built. Don’t become a type 2 though :)

I had a group of friend mums who I regular saw, who would regularly complain about people wearing makeup, me. What difference did it make to them, and they would accept compliments, if I mentioned a new hairstyle or nice new something, but never mention, if my hair style changed for example.
i only realised the latter, when I met another old friend, who mentioned it straight away… so odd.

Ive also known three other people, who said it was difficult to be friends, because for two of them I had more than one child and they had wanted more, but only had one…And another, who said she was only just able to speak to me, as I had girls, and she had always wanted one, so hadn’t been able to speak to me before.
People are odd, for all sorts of reasons.
Me? I’m jealous of anyone with a nice tidy house.

My life is mixed. Financial problems abound. Other aspects are great. I find the financial aspect dominates my thinking and mood. I feel in a very precarious situation and that my life is very impacted by this e.g. never have holidays. So, when friends post on Facebook pictures of their amazing holiday I feel jealous and depressed. It feels like it amplifies my difficulties. On the other hand I don't share (boast?) about things in my life that I know could make others jealous.

What has happened to painting my walls a colour that pleases me and sod what my friends think , having a new kitchen that I love but the neighbours think I’m batshit crazy to have installed, buying a piece of furniture that is the height of bad taste simply becuase I love it.

I think people don’t have confidence in their own taste and can’t stand the thought that other people might be laughing at their decor. I’m not bothered about that, I choose what I like.

One of dhs family members is like this.

This person is never happy with what they have and deeply jealous/envious to the point it becomes quite malicious. Usually it’s to do with money and how much the other person has spent on something. She always think the other person doesn’t like her or is doing something to ‘get at her’ when I’m certain she doesn’t even cross their minds. It’s very strange.

There are a lot of people with a sense of entitlement who think they are due / owed the good things in life. When it doesn't come their way but happens to others they believe are lesser than them that's when the claws and fangs come out

Yes. I know some who are consumed with jealousy but would never admit it. X never worked a day after giving birth but if she had stayed working, would be running the world: at least according to her. 😂😂 She hung around with a group of wealthy woman none of whom worked. Kids packed off to boarding school very young.

X and her husband Y cannot BEAR to acknowledge the success of others. X trivialises other women’s achievements. They both hate, hate, hate that X’s bro and wife are wealthier than them.

X is the bossiest person imaginable. I suppose it is borne out of a degree of frustration that a life spent dancing with a duster looking down your nose at most people has ultimately proved boring and lacking in achievement. Y is unbearingly cantankerous. He dilutes any achievements outside his house. All very sad and limiting.

We no longer have contact with them. Mainly because they know everything about everything and are hugely didactic. They are increasingly lonely as no one want to around constant criticism or plainly apparent good old fashioned jealousy writ large.

I think some jealousy is normal. But when people are consumed by it, it can consume them.

I suppose some jealousy might be productive if it spurs you on to achieve things. But when it makes you turn a sour face to the world and take lots of nasty pot shots at people who do not deserve it, that is the ugly side of jealousy. I say live and let live! Be happy for others. Life is short. Get on with it and be happy when you can!

To be fair, a lot of people who have the things in life they say others are jealous of, such as more children, daughters, good looks, being slim, wealthy partners etc, aren't 'deserving' of them, as in they've worked for them, either. Its simply an accident of fate. And fate does not treat people equally.
I suppose if life has dealt you a poor hand in things outside of your control, it must be difficult to see someone else with all the aces. Of course, they shouldn't take it out on the 'luckier' person, but if you're fortunate enough to inspire jealousy you can maybe spare a little empathy.

Some people are definitely jealous types. There are other people who always seem to attribute a motive of jealousy to others' behaviour though, usually because they have a very high opinion of themselves and don't seem to understand that not everyone actually would want to be like them or have what they have!

God yes. My life is glorious on paper but I have an inherent irritation of people getting things I don't. Not material things - things like not getting on a ferry and having to wait an insanely long time or people getting the book I want from the library.

If my life is irritating, I'm less irritated if other people are in the same crappy situation.

There are the jealous types - the ones who are mean or put you down if you have something that they'd like to have. This can be justified sometimes eg infertility, loving parents

There also the defensive types - something you are doing doesn't align with their values and they can't deal with it, so they bang on about why they think their choices are better eg sending your kids to private school, not cooking from scratch etc.

Then there are the competitive types who always want to go one better, or want to show that they can do the same, if not better than you.

Jealousy is a natural, human emotion. Imagine how those children in shanty towns must feel when a fancy car drives by, or a hungry school child feels when a classmate opens their gourmet lunch.

But yes, some people are far too much affected by the success of others. Which is pointless. I rarely feel pangs of jealousy, but when I do, it lasts for about 5 seconds before I give my head a wobble and carry on.

If someone does well, then it's inspiring. If they can do it, I can do it too. But usually I can't be arsed,

Yanbu

I'm the opposite, on paper my life is shit, I've far less than siblings and friends, we don't earn a lot, no holidays abroad, no car or nice house though I'm genuinely happy for people who are doing well having nice things.

I'm happy for myself.

I've a lot more than some people, I'm healthy, my DC are happy.

My DM always admired my attitude over the others.

I'm proud of my attitude though my only gripe is at times my DC are difficult due to Sn and others don't afford me the same none judgemental attitude they make snide remarks about me having more free time.

I do but it'd be lovely to have a job and wage. I will again once DD settles.

I stopped working March 2020.

I'd rather have her at my party than a crabby anti like you.

I have a friend who doesn’t feel envious at all. I know this because she is surrounded by successful friends, while she has nothing and her life has turned out a bit shit. She used to be drop dead gorgeous and have money but that all went and now she has v v little, but she is so genuinely happy for her friends that are doing well. I’m not sure I could be that happy for others if my own life was rubbish 🤷🏻‍♀️

but she is so genuinely happy for her friends that are doing well. I’m not sure I could be that happy for others if my own life was rubbish.
Maybe she doesn't put the same value on material things or she respects the work her friends put in to achieve the things they have without feeling like it is a reflection on her.
My life might be rubbish financially in comparison to others but it doesn't make it less valuable.
Growing up without much taught me to value the things I have got and not begrudge or envy others, everyone has a story, no-one is perfect.
I can pay my bills, feed my DC, enjoy occasional treats, my body is working. It's all good.

But does she think her life is rubbish? The vast majority of people are not drop dead gorgeous and wealthy, or enjoy outstanding career sucess, theyre just ordinary people living average lives, which they wouldn't class as shit just because some other people have these things.

I think some people get off on others being jealous of them. There are things in my life (not financial) which I know could make someone jealous so I say nothing. Those who are likely to be pleased for me ask anyway.

I think @Cam22 is exactly right regarding the difference between envy and jealousy. I feel envious of a lovely woman who lives near me. I do wish I had what she has. She is about my age very slim and sporty always out playing tennis or socialising. Her family live nearby, she has a lovely granddaughter and friends.Even her elderly mother is still around. I am fat, arthritic, riddled with annoying health issues and friendless with no family nearby and my mother is dead. Just because I am envious doesn’t mean I want this woman to lose what she has. I would never voice my envy out loud and I think it’s just a normal emotion. A reaction to the hand that fate deals you.

@Jewel1968

I've seen this and it's so viscous. None likea a smug person.