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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Beginning of a holiday disaster?

74 replies

Idunnowhyibother · 20/08/2022 18:08

I have just driven 3.5 hours to get to the holiday cottage with OH and Ddog - it's beautiful and comfy and I'm tired (OH doesn't drive). Also had to then dash back out and buy some food etc once dog was settled in. I'm currently curled up on the s9fa unwinding and reading a book. But OH has been paddleboarding already and is now back out with the dog. He's surly and short tempered and I feel it is directed at me because 'I don't want to do anything'. AIBU to want to ditch him for the week, fuck off back home and actually have a relaxing break from ferrying him around and caretaking Ddog who much prefers OH's company to mine?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 20/08/2022 18:14

Is this generally an issue when you are on holiday together?
DH also likes to do more than me, we try to agree a plan of what we will do together and then I get some relaxing time.
Can you speak to him about it ?

butterfly990 · 20/08/2022 18:15

How's he planning on getting home? 🙄

PuttingDownRoots · 20/08/2022 18:26

As the non driver, does he understand how much more the driver has to do on holidays?

And you are doing something... Reading and relaxing.

mbosnz · 20/08/2022 18:27

You've already done plenty. Now is your time to put your feet up and relax. What's he got planned for him to make for dinner tonight?

ApolloandDaphne · 20/08/2022 18:31

What a charmer he is. My DH has just driven me to a far flung corner of a Scottish island. I have reciprocated by pouring him a glass of wine and getting some chilli on for dinner. I feel it is the least I can do as he is exhausted and I am very grateful I didn't have to drive on the single track roads in the lashing rain.

DPotter · 20/08/2022 18:33

I used to, and sometimes still do, get comments "you wont do anything" - and now I jump on it straight away. "I am doing something, it's not what you want me to do".

You've driven him to the holiday destination - the least he can do is either stay out of your hair or pour you a drink and make you dinner.

Maireas · 20/08/2022 18:35

He's rude and disrespectful.
Go home and leave him and the dog to it. He can catch a train home.

Original poster
Idunnowhyibother · 20/08/2022 18:36

He's made himself some toast and is having a beer. Dog has just smashed a decorative bowl so I think I'm just going to go upstairs and sleep! It's not just the driving, it's the organising and thinking I seem to do for both of us. I haven't had a proper holiday since 2016 so am really looking forward to completely unwinding. I hope.....

OP posts:
mbosnz · 20/08/2022 18:49

If you really want to relax, I suggest you don't unpack too much, turn around tomorrow and tell him that you'll see him and dog on x day, and go home, and relax. He is being an immature, sulky, unappreciative, spoiled little brat.

notanothertakeaway · 20/08/2022 19:05

3.5 hours isn't a long journey

Buying a bit of holiday food isn't onerous

I'm guessing there are bigger problems in your relationship

Original poster
Idunnowhyibother · 20/08/2022 19:10

notanothertakeaway · 20/08/2022 19:05

3.5 hours isn't a long journey

Buying a bit of holiday food isn't onerous

I'm guessing there are bigger problems in your relationship

3.5 hours drive is a long drive to me. I work from home and am a nervous driver anyway. Dog doesn't like being in the car so was a bit tense. Having to unpack then get back into car with a useless sat nav and try and find a shop in the middle of nowhere was onerous thanks very much! Didn't see any supermarkets etc on the way and was very keen to offload a whining and ominously farting dog first was priority. I wish I could have been in the passenger seat eating crisps with my feet up.

OP posts:
Youdoyoutoday · 20/08/2022 19:11

Can't you just have a conversation along the lines of I'm knackered from the driving so let's have a cosy night in tonight and a lazy morning tomorrow and then find something fun to do in the afternoon? Why can't you simply talk?

But less than 4 hours driving and a bit of shopping isn't really a massive thing in my book but different strokes and all that.

Hidingawaytoday · 20/08/2022 19:15

notanothertakeaway · 20/08/2022 19:05

3.5 hours isn't a long journey

Buying a bit of holiday food isn't onerous

I'm guessing there are bigger problems in your relationship

But I'd put money on it not just a 3.5 hour journey - it will be planning the route, deciding where to stop for a break, looking for a petrol station, following the route. While DH sits back and does what?

It won't just be buying a bit of holiday food - it will be figuring out where the nearest place is, deciding what to buy, figuring out meals, trying to get something nice but easy and not end up with too much or too little... oh and probably cooking it too.

I hope your break gets better OP.

DuchessDarty · 20/08/2022 19:16

Oh bless you OP. Speak to your DH and explain how you feel. You definitely are ‘doing something’.

rookiemere · 20/08/2022 19:17

I'd be tired after a 3.5 hr drive and a grocery shop.
Everyone is grumpy on the first day of holiday after the trip.
Is he making dinner or are you going out?
Have you been on holiday with him before? Seems like a mismatch of expectations.

Spaghag · 20/08/2022 19:18

You are doing something! You're reading a book & relaxing.

DH is a bit like this, he does drive (we both do), but considers me preferring to sit down with a book & a glass of wine while he goes for a walk lazy. We both work full time in fairly stressful jobs & go on holiday to relax. It just so happens he finds long walks relaxing & I don't.

Do you even enjoy paddle boarding?

bowchicawowwow · 20/08/2022 19:21

3.5 hours is a long journey if you aren't used to longer drives or unfamiliar routes. I would not be up for paddle boarding straight afterwards.

I think a decent nights sleep will sort this though, you sound frazzled (I'd be the same!)

mbosnz · 20/08/2022 19:21

I'd be a lot less tired after being driven for 3.5 hours, and someone else navigating where to go for the shop, than being the one driving, and navigating.

So he can wind his bloody head in.

misskatamari · 20/08/2022 19:25

Yanbu! I’d be knackered after that and want some time to chill out and relax. He’s being unreasonable to be arsey with you. It can be really annoying being the only driver sometimes. Hopefully he realises he’s being a bit of an arse and you can enjoy the rest of your break ❤️

TabithaTittlemouse · 20/08/2022 19:26

‘I feel it is directed at me because 'I don't want to do anything'’

But you don’t know that this is what has happened.

mathanxiety · 20/08/2022 19:30

Yes, go home. Pack your things when he's out with the dog. Take the car out 'for petrol' and text when half an hour away.

H can organise transport for himself and dog when his holiday is up. He can also organise food for himself and dog in the middle of nowhere. He may be ready to see how much he relies on you for sustenance when he finally makes it home. Or he may just be really mad that you weren't playing mummy any more. If the latter, you need to make sure he understands that you expect a partner in the relationship, not a passenger.

Your H is a first class immature ingrate who needs to:
1 Learn to drive.
2 Learn to adult.

RampantIvy · 20/08/2022 19:57

Why doesn't your DH drive?
Is it because he can't learn for some reason or because he won't?

Original poster
Idunnowhyibother · 20/08/2022 20:00

Spaghag · 20/08/2022 19:18

You are doing something! You're reading a book & relaxing.

DH is a bit like this, he does drive (we both do), but considers me preferring to sit down with a book & a glass of wine while he goes for a walk lazy. We both work full time in fairly stressful jobs & go on holiday to relax. It just so happens he finds long walks relaxing & I don't.

Do you even enjoy paddle boarding?

I don't mind but I fall off a lot. It's quite cold and fighting my way into the wetsuit, carrying the fucking board etc down through a field of nosy al pacas is so far from my idea of relaxing! I work about 60 hours a week in a very stressful job so I'm unable to get off the hamster wheel unless I shut myself down with a good book/sleep. We have quite different personalities that usually compliment each other - but sometimes we are a mile apart on things! Thankfully I'm too tired to care tonight.

OP posts:
mountainsunsets · 20/08/2022 20:01

It sounds like you have different ideas of what a holiday is.

DH and are I the same, but the difference is, he doesn't slam about expecting me to entertain him and "do things" with him. He's happy to go off and do his own thing while I relax in the cottage alone or with the dog.

Did you talk about what you wanted out of this holiday? Lazy days at the cottage or active days on the water? Would you want to go to paddle-boarding if you had more energy, for example?

Christmasiscominghohoho · 20/08/2022 20:01

Hidingawaytoday · 20/08/2022 19:15

But I'd put money on it not just a 3.5 hour journey - it will be planning the route, deciding where to stop for a break, looking for a petrol station, following the route. While DH sits back and does what?

It won't just be buying a bit of holiday food - it will be figuring out where the nearest place is, deciding what to buy, figuring out meals, trying to get something nice but easy and not end up with too much or too little... oh and probably cooking it too.

I hope your break gets better OP.

Show quote history

This is all a bit dramatic… do people really live like that?
Pretending such little things take up so much time …
You don’t need to ‘plan’ a route… you can literally just put it into a sat nav/phone/car and follow it on the day.
You don’t need to make a huge decision on where to stop… when you go past a service station you just say ‘anyone need to stop’.
Who doesn’t put petrol in close to home before they are about to start a 3.5hr journey?!
‘follow the route’ … just driving?!

figuring out the nearest supermarket? Again.. put it in to any maps on a device and they will all come up?
buy whatever meals you fancy?
mid you buy too much you just take it home…

non of the above is an issue or a big deal… I don’t know how people survive if they think it is.

However, I don’t think the OP should have to go out if she doesn’t want to and I don’t think she should of had to go out.