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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Beginning of a holiday disaster?

74 replies

Idunnowhyibother · 20/08/2022 18:08

I have just driven 3.5 hours to get to the holiday cottage with OH and Ddog - it's beautiful and comfy and I'm tired (OH doesn't drive). Also had to then dash back out and buy some food etc once dog was settled in. I'm currently curled up on the s9fa unwinding and reading a book. But OH has been paddleboarding already and is now back out with the dog. He's surly and short tempered and I feel it is directed at me because 'I don't want to do anything'. AIBU to want to ditch him for the week, fuck off back home and actually have a relaxing break from ferrying him around and caretaking Ddog who much prefers OH's company to mine?

OP posts:
Wishyfishy · 20/08/2022 20:04

I find the first day (half travelling usually) of a holiday is always awful. Don’t give up over this.
One of me or DH gets irritable and annoyed over nothing.. it always happens. It’s the long journey, the driving or the plane ride, the stress of feeling like you’re going to forget something or that it’s a huge expense you can’t undo, or just waking up far too early to travel. It’s always something.
Read your book with a glass of wine, let him explore and tomorrow aim to enjoy it together?

Original poster
Idunnowhyibother · 20/08/2022 20:08

Christmasiscominghohoho · 20/08/2022 20:01

This is all a bit dramatic… do people really live like that?
Pretending such little things take up so much time …
You don’t need to ‘plan’ a route… you can literally just put it into a sat nav/phone/car and follow it on the day.
You don’t need to make a huge decision on where to stop… when you go past a service station you just say ‘anyone need to stop’.
Who doesn’t put petrol in close to home before they are about to start a 3.5hr journey?!
‘follow the route’ … just driving?!

figuring out the nearest supermarket? Again.. put it in to any maps on a device and they will all come up?
buy whatever meals you fancy?
mid you buy too much you just take it home…

non of the above is an issue or a big deal… I don’t know how people survive if they think it is.

However, I don’t think the OP should have to go out if she doesn’t want to and I don’t think she should of had to go out.

Show quote history

I stupidly thought - got sat nav - I'll put the address in before I leave. Sat nav refused to find the address. So tried older, crappier sat nav which got me closer but still miles out. OH has some dietary issues (So does the dog!) And rarely has an appetite so buying food can be a challenge. Thankfully brought a trunk full of dog food though. Would have been nice if he'd sorted this part of the planning and packing himself. At least he pumped up the paddleboard. That would have finished me off.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 20/08/2022 20:10

Do you have to carry the mental load for both of you?

Original poster
Idunnowhyibother · 20/08/2022 20:13

RampantIvy · 20/08/2022 20:10

Do you have to carry the mental load for both of you?

Feels like it but that's probably self inflicted - I feel like if I'm not thinking or worrying about things, something will go wrong because he doesn't think/plan.

OP posts:
Spanielsarepainless · 20/08/2022 20:20

We always have a huge argument as DH is packing the car, which trickles on until we have set off. Every sodding time.

MuggleMe · 20/08/2022 20:22

To the previous poster who said that planning a route, stops, finding a supermarket etc isn't stressful, that depends who you are. We plan a route that stops at a country park or national trust place, and find a decent size but cheap supermarket. 3.5 hours is pretty tiring for me, especially recently now I'm not commuting regularly. All on top of having got everything cleaned, made sure everything is remembered. And when finally stopped and relaxing, to be huffed at. I'd not be impressed.

OhWifey · 20/08/2022 20:23

Sorry you're feeling like this. First day of holiday can often feel quite overwhelming, especially if you've carried the mental load of it too. Hopefully after a good night sleep you can work out how to manage the rest of the week together.

I just wanted to ask about another comment you made though; that he was eating crisps with his feet up while you were driving. Was this actually the case? It's incredibly dangerous in case you have a crash and the airbag deploys as it will be knee vs face. Sorry if I've misunderstood but I couldn't not mention it just in case.

DilemmaDelilah · 20/08/2022 20:31

@Christmasiscominghohoho Just because you don't find something difficult or stressful doesn't mean that somebody else doesnt. Have a little respect and allow OP to know how she feels.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL · 20/08/2022 20:41

notanothertakeaway · 20/08/2022 19:05

3.5 hours isn't a long journey

Buying a bit of holiday food isn't onerous

I'm guessing there are bigger problems in your relationship

Yes like the DH didn't contribute to either.

Hidingawaytoday · 20/08/2022 21:08

Christmasiscominghohoho · 20/08/2022 20:01

This is all a bit dramatic… do people really live like that?
Pretending such little things take up so much time …
You don’t need to ‘plan’ a route… you can literally just put it into a sat nav/phone/car and follow it on the day.
You don’t need to make a huge decision on where to stop… when you go past a service station you just say ‘anyone need to stop’.
Who doesn’t put petrol in close to home before they are about to start a 3.5hr journey?!
‘follow the route’ … just driving?!

figuring out the nearest supermarket? Again.. put it in to any maps on a device and they will all come up?
buy whatever meals you fancy?
mid you buy too much you just take it home…

non of the above is an issue or a big deal… I don’t know how people survive if they think it is.

However, I don’t think the OP should have to go out if she doesn’t want to and I don’t think she should of had to go out.

Show quote history

Maybe not, I wouldn't find it stressful or tiring either. But I don't think it's dramatic to point out she had to pick up all the mental load after one poster decided a 3.5hr drive, then going out to do all the shopping and then being moaned at for not going out again wasn't worthy of complaint. Ffs.

XelaM · 20/08/2022 21:20

3.5 hours is mot a long drive. My dad who is nearly 70 has driven 8 hours four
days in a row when we went on holiday and then again whilst we were there. I love road trips. This was last week. My mum and I also drive, but he insisted on doing all the driving.

When we were kids we went to NYC, rented a car a drove through the US to California stopping along the way. One day my dad was driving for 19(!) hours. He was much younger then though.

3.5 hours is hardly the end of the world.

underneaththeash · 20/08/2022 21:24

I find 3.5 hours driving at the end of a day. But, get him to learn - I honestly think it’s pathetic when people can’t drive.

CactusBlossom · 20/08/2022 21:29

underneaththeash · 20/08/2022 21:24

I find 3.5 hours driving at the end of a day. But, get him to learn - I honestly think it’s pathetic when people can’t drive.

Well, no, some people have conditions that make it difficult, like impaired vision.

CactusBlossom · 20/08/2022 21:30

Do what you enjoy, it's your holiday and you drove everyone there. Drive home if you feel like it... Next time, why not book a holiday just for you?

RampantIvy · 20/08/2022 21:37

3.5 hours is not a long drive. My dad who is nearly 70 has driven 8 hours four
days in a row when we went on holiday and then again whilst we were there. I love road trips.

So what. This isn't relevant to how the OP feels. Was this in the US where the traffic is nothing like the traffic in the UK in August?

A relative drove a 200 mile journey to visit me yesterday. It took them over 6 hours because the traffic was awful. That kind of driving is very tiring indeed.

Everyone is different. I would be OK after a 3.5 hour drive, but I don't expect everyone to feel the same as I do.

Eight hours for 4 days in a row is not my idea of a holiday.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL · 20/08/2022 21:38

XelaM · 20/08/2022 21:20

3.5 hours is mot a long drive. My dad who is nearly 70 has driven 8 hours four
days in a row when we went on holiday and then again whilst we were there. I love road trips. This was last week. My mum and I also drive, but he insisted on doing all the driving.

When we were kids we went to NYC, rented a car a drove through the US to California stopping along the way. One day my dad was driving for 19(!) hours. He was much younger then though.

3.5 hours is hardly the end of the world.

Well your dad was stupid and why didn't someone else share the driving?

RampantIvy · 20/08/2022 21:39

Why doesn't your DH drive @Idunnowhyibother?

Punkypinky · 20/08/2022 21:39

I would be shattered after 3.5 hour drive to somewhere unfamiliar with a sensitive dog in the car. I just did a holiday with my dd and packed almost all the food we needed before we left as I HATE having to go shopping after a massive drive.

I sympathise OP. I've had this sort of thing when I've driven my mum and sister and daughter a similar distance. Sister can't drive, my mum drives but is nervous of long journeys she doesn't know. So I do it, then get moaned at for not wanting to go on a walk when we get there. Also I'm apparently the only one who understands air bnb so end up reporting the problems and get nagged by everyone "have they replied about the shower yet?" "When did you send the message?" "What did you say?" etc. I think it's easy to forget the hard work it is for the person being the "adult"/ "organiser" on trips away. Hope you both wake up after a good nights sleep and have a lovely day tomorrow. The first day is always a bit naff I don't think it will be a disaster. Xx

garlictwist · 20/08/2022 21:41

I go away regularly for weekends with friends. We do hiking, paddle boarding etc. Last weekend was the first time I hadn't driven (usually I do the driving) and oh my god it made such a difference. I had much more energy. Driving is tiring and 3.5 hours is quite a long drive

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL · 20/08/2022 21:43

@XelaM

lazytrips.com/blog/how-far-is-it-safe-to-drive-in-one-day

Your dad was driving the maximum, but he is not bloody 20!

He's a liability!

TheOrigRights · 20/08/2022 21:46

Why didn't you find a holiday location whereby once you were there you wouldn't need to ferry yourselves around i.e. with amenities, the beach and food shops within walking distance or via public transport. I know that limits thing somewhat but it sounds like it would have made a big difference.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL · 20/08/2022 21:47

TheOrigRights · 20/08/2022 21:46

Why didn't you find a holiday location whereby once you were there you wouldn't need to ferry yourselves around i.e. with amenities, the beach and food shops within walking distance or via public transport. I know that limits thing somewhat but it sounds like it would have made a big difference.

Do you mean why didn't the DH do all that?

Troublesometooth · 20/08/2022 21:47

I feel you!

I've just driven to another country, done all the driving in that country for a week (different side of the road etc), got up at 5am this morning to do a 2 hour drive to ferry, sat for 10 hours entertaining 2 young children and 2 hours into the 3 hour drive home I’ve asked DH to take over. He is now driving but huffing and puffing every 2 minutes and complaint about how tired he is!

I was struggling to keep my eyes open and he had a sleep on the boat so its only fair he does the last little leg.

H1Drangea · 20/08/2022 21:56

I can drive , but don’t like driving so DH does most of it , however ….I would do all the other stuff ( pack. Sort food .find places to go … And allow him to have a snooze / walk round on his own / whatever when we arrived whilst I got things sorted )
I’d suggest have something to eat , have a good nights sleep and if he’s still being a git in the morning , leave him there with the dog and go home for a
break ( and work out whether you’d be happier without him )

ps , all those saying just put it in the sat nav , have you actually ever done this successfully in a rural location , because it’s not always that easy..

shedwithivy · 20/08/2022 21:58

Wishyfishy · 20/08/2022 20:04

I find the first day (half travelling usually) of a holiday is always awful. Don’t give up over this.
One of me or DH gets irritable and annoyed over nothing.. it always happens. It’s the long journey, the driving or the plane ride, the stress of feeling like you’re going to forget something or that it’s a huge expense you can’t undo, or just waking up far too early to travel. It’s always something.
Read your book with a glass of wine, let him explore and tomorrow aim to enjoy it together?

Perfectly put, agree with all of this