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Original poster

Sorry for posting here - is this normal potty training ?

81 replies

jtrai · 20/08/2022 13:07

Sorry to post here, but I'm desperate and can see there are other unanswered posts about this kind of thing in the correct section...

I've just become serious about training my two and a half year old girl. Before this, she's had the odd half a day without a nappy OR when I can see she's having a pee or a poo, I have on occasion taken her nappy off and put her on the potty.

Now I'm trying it properly with no nappy at all. We are on day three of no nappy during the day.

She keeps holding in her pee for a really really long time. Yesterday all day really. She eventually went on the floor and I picked her up mid stream and put her on the potty and gently told her, we do pee pee in the potty. I then praised her for doing so. She cried a bit and didn't want to.

Today she's been holding on to her pee again. She starts crying and touching herself down there and fidgeting. So I remind her to go on the potty or sometimes take her there and she starts crying and refuses.

Earlier it got so bad that she was leaking and holding on to it so much. So I put her on the potty and she was crying again. I was reassuring her. A little bit of pee went in because she could not hold it. I praised her and we went together to empty the potty in the toilet. She likes this part and she loves flushing.

I knew she wasn't finished so I tried sitting her on the toilet and she again was crying. I then put her on the potty again, she cried and didn't want to sit. Then she peed herself while standing up and was crying. I reassured her and put her on the potty again. But by this time she had finished. She cried and told me she was all wet. She clearly didn't like being all wet. I reassured her and dried her and told her she's doing really really well and I'm proud of her.

Is this actually normal ?

It's like she doesn't want to do it at all. I'm afraid a few times when she had her nappy off in the past and wet herself my mum may have scolded her a bit, but I'm not sure if that's actually true.

OP posts:
Feeling83 · 20/08/2022 13:13

I’d just give her more time, she isn’t ready.

Christonabike37 · 20/08/2022 13:15

I think I'd quit now. Get a potty training book, have a plan, talk about it, and then try again. You don't seem to have really come about it very prepared tbh, she's not going to take herself off to the potty for a wee straight away.

Original poster
jtrai · 20/08/2022 13:16

Christonabike37 · 20/08/2022 13:15

I think I'd quit now. Get a potty training book, have a plan, talk about it, and then try again. You don't seem to have really come about it very prepared tbh, she's not going to take herself off to the potty for a wee straight away.

I have read a book about it ! I'm not expecting her to take herself to the potty..

OP posts:
Original poster
jtrai · 20/08/2022 13:17

We've been talking about it for ages and she also has a book about it that we look at and talk about all the time..

OP posts:
Youcancallmeirrelevant · 20/08/2022 13:18

She doesn't sound ready to me, 2.5 is still really young for potty training

LivingNextDoorToNorma · 20/08/2022 13:18

My eldest did the same at a very similar age. Showed signs of being ready, but held his wee in for the majority of the day. We were advised to stop, and go back to nappies for a while (although da did have a history of urine infections, so that may have influenced the advice). I tried again shortly before he turned 3, and it was completely different. He was ‘trained’ within a few days with very little fuss, and I can count on one hand the amount of accidents we’ve had since. Maybe she’s not quite ready?

Nicknacky · 20/08/2022 13:19

She’s 2 1/2, how much talking could she have been doing? You might be ready but it doesn’t mean she is. That’s still young for toilet training.

Original poster
jtrai · 20/08/2022 13:21

Fair enough, maybe she isn't ready after all. It can't be good for her to hold on to it so long either. Bless her.

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 20/08/2022 13:22

I agree, she doesn't sound ready. If you try to force the issue she will associate the whole process with feeling upset and anxious so best to leave it until she's a bit older.

angstridden2 · 20/08/2022 13:22

When my children were small(many years ago) most NT children were out of nappies around 2. I imagine we were motivated by disgusting nappy buckets and trying to get nappies dry in the Winter! Have children changed physiologically in the past couple of decades? I suppose I’ll get flamed and told children will be damaged if you get them out of nappies before 3.

Original poster
jtrai · 20/08/2022 13:23

neverbeenskiing · 20/08/2022 13:22

I agree, she doesn't sound ready. If you try to force the issue she will associate the whole process with feeling upset and anxious so best to leave it until she's a bit older.

I'm afraid we are already there and she hates it all. We have been gently talking about it and trying for ages. She's probably sick of it now.

OP posts:
Original poster
jtrai · 20/08/2022 13:25

angstridden2 · 20/08/2022 13:22

When my children were small(many years ago) most NT children were out of nappies around 2. I imagine we were motivated by disgusting nappy buckets and trying to get nappies dry in the Winter! Have children changed physiologically in the past couple of decades? I suppose I’ll get flamed and told children will be damaged if you get them out of nappies before 3.

This is what I don't get. I was dry by 18 months apparently - my siblings too.

I know lots of children who are trained by age 2. I feel like a failure for not being able to teach her.

OP posts:
PhatPaws · 20/08/2022 13:30

I feel like a failure for not being able to teach her.

That makes it sound as if you have full control over her bodily functions. You don't and no parent does. She's simply not ready and that's absolutely fine.

neverbeenskiing · 20/08/2022 13:34

angstridden2 · 20/08/2022 13:22

When my children were small(many years ago) most NT children were out of nappies around 2. I imagine we were motivated by disgusting nappy buckets and trying to get nappies dry in the Winter! Have children changed physiologically in the past couple of decades? I suppose I’ll get flamed and told children will be damaged if you get them out of nappies before 3.

Not flaming you, but things do change and we know more about child development now. The current advice is to wait until DC show clear signs of readiness and not to force them if they show signs of being distressed. No one is saying all DC will be "damaged" by being potty trained before 3, some DC are ready then and some aren't.

CraazyCatLady · 20/08/2022 13:35

I find chocolate buttons help. My little girl got a chocolate button when she went on the potty. We also bought her a magazine after the first poo on the potty. She picked it up really quickly, as she was excited for chocolate and all the praise she got from us. We keep a potty nearby, at all times and just remind her every now and then. She generally goes on it by herself, unless she's having so much fun that she forgets. She was also very excited to be given pretty new big girl knickers to wear.

Mossstitch · 20/08/2022 13:36

I'll probably get flamed too as my first was only 16 months when he used the potty after seeing older friend doing it, did relapse a bit with a stomach bug but fully trained by 19 months but he hated poohing on the potty. You had to watch for the signs of him being desperate and get him on the potty with a storybook which would make him sit there happily. From the fact that she can hold onto it for ages and doesn't like being wet shows that physically she is ready, think you just have to keep persevering and suddenly it will click. Mine weren't overly keen on potties, in fact only really used them for the first week or two before progressed to the toilet. I wouldn't recommend pull ups (except for going out if you don't want accidents) as they slow down the process as I found with my third (they didn't exist for my first two was that long ago😂) . They need to feel wet to get the idea. Don't worry, she'll get there all of a sudden and you'll wonder what all the fuss/worry was about💐

LostMySocks · 20/08/2022 13:36

I think in the past parents 'managed' the dryness so popped children on the potty regularly rather than the child knowing when to go and asking/taking themselves which is what we now know as being trained. The motivation was to avoid washing but did take more dedication to maintain.
DS was potty trained around 3.5 but I could have had him nappy free earlier if I had popped him on the loo seat more regularly.
I think people also tend to forget the accidents...

Twizbe · 20/08/2022 13:40

She's not ready yet.

Put the nappies back on but keep talking about it.

I tried with my son at 2.5 but he wasn't ready. He got it quickly at 3.

DD was ready at 2 but our toilet wasn't lol so we had to put her off for a bit.

I have a baby book from the 50s which has potty training from 6 months. It's not how we view potty training now. It's more elimination communication and trying to get them into a routine with they go. A lot of 'catching' it too.

ohyeahiwaittablestoo · 20/08/2022 13:43

Try reading the Oh Crap book. Think you can get the pdf for free online. Don't need to go by it religiously but for the most part it worked for my daughter. We did it a few weeks before her 2nd birthday.

Being able to hold it does suggest she's ready. If she was just peeing down her leg without even realising then maybe I'd say not ready. Oh Crap says the best window is between 20 and 30 months so she's within that. Again; realise it isn't going to work exactly like that for everyone. There's a Facebook support group for it too. A million parents with a million different questions about the process.

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 20/08/2022 13:47

Another one here - when my children were small it was common to start potty training at 2 years. All my three children were just over 2 yrs when fully potty trained. They were dry well before they started 'playgroup' at 2 and a half - where they would be left for half a day.

The current Oh Crap potty training book suggests 18 months to 2 and half years. This is a good window of opportunity to start.

My grandson's nursery teacher was amazed when he first started there, aged 2, by the fact that he was dry - day and night. (He is completely non verbal and communicates through his own version of sign language.)

I was recently reading about babies in China being trained from birth by a method called Elimination Communication. Children there rarely start nursery before they are dry/trained.

Read the theory in the 'Oh Crap' book - it makes complete sense and really does work. My daughter followed this method to the letter - everyone was surprised that it worked for her two year old (because we thought with him not talking, it would indicate further developmental problems).

Mrsjayy · 20/08/2022 13:50

angstridden2 · 20/08/2022 13:22

When my children were small(many years ago) most NT children were out of nappies around 2. I imagine we were motivated by disgusting nappy buckets and trying to get nappies dry in the Winter! Have children changed physiologically in the past couple of decades? I suppose I’ll get flamed and told children will be damaged if you get them out of nappies before 3.

Mine were out of nappies by 2.5 playgroups/nurseries wanted kids toilet trained. I don't think kids have changed but there more than likely have less "accidents" if they are older. I used to work in pre school childcare in the 80s and lots of toilet trained kids peed themselves regularly!

Penguinfeather781 · 20/08/2022 13:56

Both mine did the holding for hours thing when we started without the nappy and they were well over 3 and totally ready. They just had to learn how to “let go” in a potty - she’s conditioned to “let go” in a nappy. Sensory wise it’s quite different and some kids find it scary. Took mine some time, practice and even just going in the nappy while sitting on the toilet to get the idea. But if she’s getting upset by it then back off and try again in a few weeks.

findingsomeone · 20/08/2022 14:02

She's clearly not ready yet. Just forget about it for a few months.

Bumblefuzz · 20/08/2022 14:09

angstridden2 · 20/08/2022 13:22

When my children were small(many years ago) most NT children were out of nappies around 2. I imagine we were motivated by disgusting nappy buckets and trying to get nappies dry in the Winter! Have children changed physiologically in the past couple of decades? I suppose I’ll get flamed and told children will be damaged if you get them out of nappies before 3.

I was out of nappies (in the 70's) by 18 months. My DD was potty trained before her 2nd birthday, but most of her peer group were 3+ and some still had lots of accidents at (school) nursery. I don't understand why people wait so long.

Ozgirl75 · 20/08/2022 14:21

Both my sons were trained at 2.5 as were nearly all their friends. But it takes time. The only one who took ages was the one whose mum would half heatedly try, the kid would wet themselves once and she’d go “oh she’s not ready”, as if, when they are ready they just go off to the loo like a little adult.
For both of mine, we noticed that around 2 they would take themselves off to poo (behind the sofa etc) so they could “hold and release”. So we just explained how it worked, expected some accidents and just dealt with them calmly.
We’d go off to the loo once an hour or so, made sure they drank lots of water to get used to it.
It took a couple of weeks to get there and the first few days were filled with damp pants but like everything else, they aren’t perfect at it straight away! You wouldn’t give up on them using a knife and fork if they dropped some food the first time, or when they fall when they learn to walk.
Stick with it, praise her up when it works and just do the “never mind, you’ll get there” when there’s an accident, exactly the same as you would do for any other skill they have to learn.

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