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Original poster

Sorry for posting here - is this normal potty training ?

81 replies

jtrai · 20/08/2022 13:07

Sorry to post here, but I'm desperate and can see there are other unanswered posts about this kind of thing in the correct section...

I've just become serious about training my two and a half year old girl. Before this, she's had the odd half a day without a nappy OR when I can see she's having a pee or a poo, I have on occasion taken her nappy off and put her on the potty.

Now I'm trying it properly with no nappy at all. We are on day three of no nappy during the day.

She keeps holding in her pee for a really really long time. Yesterday all day really. She eventually went on the floor and I picked her up mid stream and put her on the potty and gently told her, we do pee pee in the potty. I then praised her for doing so. She cried a bit and didn't want to.

Today she's been holding on to her pee again. She starts crying and touching herself down there and fidgeting. So I remind her to go on the potty or sometimes take her there and she starts crying and refuses.

Earlier it got so bad that she was leaking and holding on to it so much. So I put her on the potty and she was crying again. I was reassuring her. A little bit of pee went in because she could not hold it. I praised her and we went together to empty the potty in the toilet. She likes this part and she loves flushing.

I knew she wasn't finished so I tried sitting her on the toilet and she again was crying. I then put her on the potty again, she cried and didn't want to sit. Then she peed herself while standing up and was crying. I reassured her and put her on the potty again. But by this time she had finished. She cried and told me she was all wet. She clearly didn't like being all wet. I reassured her and dried her and told her she's doing really really well and I'm proud of her.

Is this actually normal ?

It's like she doesn't want to do it at all. I'm afraid a few times when she had her nappy off in the past and wet herself my mum may have scolded her a bit, but I'm not sure if that's actually true.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 20/08/2022 14:30

Oh I meant to say one of mine hated the potty so we went to the toilet get a toilet seat and a step she might feel better

Ariela · 20/08/2022 14:32

neverbeenskiing · 20/08/2022 13:34

Not flaming you, but things do change and we know more about child development now. The current advice is to wait until DC show clear signs of readiness and not to force them if they show signs of being distressed. No one is saying all DC will be "damaged" by being potty trained before 3, some DC are ready then and some aren't.

Show quote history

Do you know why this is the current advice?
Prior to the turn of the century, standard practise was introduce the potty at a really early age and to catch wees and poos eg when getting dressed, after meals, bathtime etc So baby knew that wees and poos could go in the potty just as much as in the nappy. You'd explain to your baby from a very very early age that was what the potty was for and when they were older and a bit bigger they'd do all their wees and poos in the toilet just like Mummy/daddy. So baby knew what was expected (they are not daft by any means) and that weeing/pooing in a potty was a normal thing to do as they sometimes produced one when the nappy was off and got praised for it. Then as baby got toddling about, and when they went nappy free, they were encouraged to use the potty more till actually they didn't need nappies at all by day.

In 2002 Pampers invented pull up nappies and spent a vast fortune on advertorials advocating using pull up nappies so your baby knows he's on the way to potty training 🙄and to 'leave it until your baby is ready'.

The average age for potty training leapt by a good 6 months from just about 2 years 2 months to around 2 years 9 months - and Pampers sold masses of pull up nappies that babies would STILL wee and poo in - as it was a nappy regardless of how it fastened.

catandcoffee · 20/08/2022 14:36

All children are different.
She's not ready, if you continue you may cause lots of issues with urine infections and constipation.

GnTplease · 20/08/2022 14:43

My daughter was exactly like this - I posted on here about it at the time. Bottom line was she just wasn't ready. One day it just clicked she got over the fear of the feeling of wee coming out on the potty/toilet and that was that. The great news is she has bladder control and it will probably be the same as it was with my little one, once she gets it there will be no accidents at all.
Honestly I tried for months got myself so worked up - did loads of googling, spoke to experts...and then one day she was just ok with it.

GoldenSpiral · 20/08/2022 14:44

I agree that the Oh Crap method is great. My DS has just been potty trained at 21 months using this method. He held onto his wee at the beginning but it sounds like your DD is more upset by the situation. It could be that she is older and more aware that she could still be in nappies? Just a guess.

I think a lot of parents put off potty training as both parents often work now and it's stressful. As a PP said, Pampers cashed in on busy parents with the lure of pull ups.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 20/08/2022 14:57

Sounds like you are doing oh crap or similar

My dd was like yours- held it in. We ended up putting the potty in the lounge and when she started showing peepee signs she sat on it watching telly till she relaxed and let the wee out in the potty. That lasted a day or two and it went click. After that she was dry, all done

Tried the same method on DS with much less success. He didn't care if he peed in the wrong place. Still struggling with accidents over six months later.

Mojoj · 20/08/2022 15:07

Most kids in years gone by were toilet trained by 2/2.5 years old. I toilet trained mine the old fashioned way, sitting them on the toilet (neither one liked the potty) at regular intervals during the day, putting pants on them, not pull ups and really making a huge fuss of them when they did the toilet in the toilet. Hang in there - she'll get the hang of it.

GizmoIsSoFluffy · 20/08/2022 15:12

I used bribery. A chocolate button for a wee in the potty. My second DD hated the potty, but would go on a trainer seat on the toilet. Again, for a chic button. Buttons were then phased out after training completed.

akslan · 20/08/2022 15:19

My daughter did this and gave herself a UTI as a result at about 2.5 hrs old. We stopped and tried again after a couple of months (on advice of HV.) She got it straight away, she just wasn't ready the first time.

eddiemairswife · 20/08/2022 15:23

I think modern nappies are so efficient that that the child never gets the feeling of 'being wet' after a wee, unlike a terry nappy.

badbaduncle · 20/08/2022 15:26

angstridden2 · 20/08/2022 13:22

When my children were small(many years ago) most NT children were out of nappies around 2. I imagine we were motivated by disgusting nappy buckets and trying to get nappies dry in the Winter! Have children changed physiologically in the past couple of decades? I suppose I’ll get flamed and told children will be damaged if you get them out of nappies before 3.

I used washables and both were out of them day and night by 20months. I may be wrong but I am sure the grimness of a soggy bum motivates them to use the toilet. The modern disposables are superb and very comfortable so it's then about wanting to use the toilet to be more grown which is more likely around 3

MooseBreath · 20/08/2022 15:35

DS is 26 months and we've been (properly) toilet training for about a week. We "binned" his nappies together, so he knows they aren't an option. I bought a different brand this week, as he wears one at night to bed since he still wakes up sodden.

Is your DD wearing underwear or pull-ups during the day? I wouldn't use pull-ups, as the sensation is reduced like a nappy. Also, if you can use the toilet (with an Ikea-type child seat) instead of a potty, she may prefer that. It means she gets the thrill of flushing afterwards...

Original poster
jtrai · 20/08/2022 15:38

MooseBreath · 20/08/2022 15:35

DS is 26 months and we've been (properly) toilet training for about a week. We "binned" his nappies together, so he knows they aren't an option. I bought a different brand this week, as he wears one at night to bed since he still wakes up sodden.

Is your DD wearing underwear or pull-ups during the day? I wouldn't use pull-ups, as the sensation is reduced like a nappy. Also, if you can use the toilet (with an Ikea-type child seat) instead of a potty, she may prefer that. It means she gets the thrill of flushing afterwards...

She's not wearing any pants or nappies right now. She's bare bottomed.

I have both the toilet seat and steps so she can go up it and I also have a potty. I try both interchangeably. She loves to flush the toilet.

OP posts:
KyaClark · 20/08/2022 15:42

I tried to potty train my son at 2 - 2.5. He wasn't ready. We tried again around 3 and he cracked it within days. It was actually really easy and straightforward. He actually preferred using a toilet to a potty straight away as well.

The point is, try again in a few months.

wibblywobblybits · 20/08/2022 15:45

No absolutely not normal and a recipe for a disaster / a urine infection. If she's holding the pee and crying then she's not ready, 2.5 is still young and there's rush. We potty trained my son a few days after his second birthday and it took 2 days and it was done. My friend tried 4/5 times and each time it was painful. Eventually at 3.5 she tried again and her daughter nailed it in 2 days. If they're ready, you'll know.

wibblywobblybits · 20/08/2022 15:48

Also there's evidence to suggest that actually talking about it too much can become confusing, as all of sudden it goes from something fictional in a book, to then something they need to do in real life. We never discussed doing a wee / poo on the toilet until the day we potty trained. He knew what a wee / poo was but when he kept taking his nappy off and doing a shit on my kitchen floor I knew I had no choice but to get rid of the nappies. I just sat him down and explained that wees and poos now go in the potty. Of course he pissed on the floor plenty of times the first few days but it was never a struggle and he was never upset. I think you can definitely do "too much prep" and it can be confusing for them.

FarmGirl78 · 20/08/2022 15:53

Could it be that she's got a UTI so its stinging when she wees? Hence her holding it in and then crying when it comes out? She's learnt that it hurts so holds herself?

Original poster
jtrai · 20/08/2022 16:01

wibblywobblybits · 20/08/2022 15:48

Also there's evidence to suggest that actually talking about it too much can become confusing, as all of sudden it goes from something fictional in a book, to then something they need to do in real life. We never discussed doing a wee / poo on the toilet until the day we potty trained. He knew what a wee / poo was but when he kept taking his nappy off and doing a shit on my kitchen floor I knew I had no choice but to get rid of the nappies. I just sat him down and explained that wees and poos now go in the potty. Of course he pissed on the floor plenty of times the first few days but it was never a struggle and he was never upset. I think you can definitely do "too much prep" and it can be confusing for them.

Yeah we've banged on about it a lot to be fair.. we've had a potty in the house since she turned 1... it's always been in the background, because I thought that would be a good thing to get her used to it. She's been telling us she's done a poo since before she was 18 months. So we just kept asking her about it and telling her about it. She's done with it now I think !

OP posts:
Original poster
jtrai · 20/08/2022 16:01

FarmGirl78 · 20/08/2022 15:53

Could it be that she's got a UTI so its stinging when she wees? Hence her holding it in and then crying when it comes out? She's learnt that it hurts so holds herself?

I hope not !!

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 20/08/2022 16:16

We did it at 2.5 using bribery. I got a lot of cooperation for a jelly tot or chocolate button from my sweet deprived offspring. But if you don't fancy that, no harm in waiting a few months, she's very young still.

Original poster
jtrai · 20/08/2022 16:17

Porcupineintherough · 20/08/2022 16:16

We did it at 2.5 using bribery. I got a lot of cooperation for a jelly tot or chocolate button from my sweet deprived offspring. But if you don't fancy that, no harm in waiting a few months, she's very young still.

Doesn't work with her unfortunately.

I don't think two and a half is young at all.

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 20/08/2022 16:22

When you look back in a few years you will realise that it's very young indeed. I could have saved myself so much stress if I'd realised that when mine were toddlers.

NCHammer2022 · 20/08/2022 16:29

She sounds a bit anxious around the whole thing. We potty trained DD after 2.5 but she was definitely ready as we didn’t have any of this. There’s no one size fits all approach or “right” age, IME. I remember my little brother being “potty trained” by 2 in the 90s as well as most children were at the time, but he regularly had wee and poo accidents and we were forever having to stop the car for a wee by the side of the road. DD was closer to 3 than 2 when she was out of nappies but we’ve never had to do any of that, she pretty much went straight on to the toilet instead of the potty, she’s never really had any accidents at home or at nursery and was dry at night straight away too. I know which approach I prefer.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 20/08/2022 17:02

I’m another who doesn’t understand why ‘they’re not ready’ now, until 3 or even later. Mine were born late 70s/early 80s, and at the time I read that they didn’t usually have enough physiological control until they were 2.

So I started just after their 2nd birthdays and it took a week both times - at least daytime clean and dry, no problem. I was at home with them, though, which certainly made it easier. So many mothers nowadays aren’t. Plus we were in a warm climate, so they could wear just pants or nothing.

Might add that a (non Brit) neighbour, who had a child the same age as dd1, had been telling me forcefully since dd was 12 months old that I ‘must’ take her nappies off. But hers was reliably clean and dry no sooner than mine.

cadburyegg · 20/08/2022 17:05

She's not ready. Holding it until it's running down her leg and getting upset about it, then refusing to go isn't normal.

This isn't aimed at you in particular OP but I don't know why so many people persevere with potty training 2 year olds who obviously aren't ready. They might be physically ready but not always emotionally. Yes you can carry on and deal with the accidents and toilet refusal for a few more weeks or months, that doesn't mean your child is trained and it's more stress for everyone involved.

Or you can wait til your child is a bit older and they'll get the knack of it quicker. I waited til my DCs were 3 and they were dry within a week. It wasn't stressful at all