Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sorry for posting here - is this normal potty training ?

81 replies

jtrai · 20/08/2022 13:07

Sorry to post here, but I'm desperate and can see there are other unanswered posts about this kind of thing in the correct section...

I've just become serious about training my two and a half year old girl. Before this, she's had the odd half a day without a nappy OR when I can see she's having a pee or a poo, I have on occasion taken her nappy off and put her on the potty.

Now I'm trying it properly with no nappy at all. We are on day three of no nappy during the day.

She keeps holding in her pee for a really really long time. Yesterday all day really. She eventually went on the floor and I picked her up mid stream and put her on the potty and gently told her, we do pee pee in the potty. I then praised her for doing so. She cried a bit and didn't want to.

Today she's been holding on to her pee again. She starts crying and touching herself down there and fidgeting. So I remind her to go on the potty or sometimes take her there and she starts crying and refuses.

Earlier it got so bad that she was leaking and holding on to it so much. So I put her on the potty and she was crying again. I was reassuring her. A little bit of pee went in because she could not hold it. I praised her and we went together to empty the potty in the toilet. She likes this part and she loves flushing.

I knew she wasn't finished so I tried sitting her on the toilet and she again was crying. I then put her on the potty again, she cried and didn't want to sit. Then she peed herself while standing up and was crying. I reassured her and put her on the potty again. But by this time she had finished. She cried and told me she was all wet. She clearly didn't like being all wet. I reassured her and dried her and told her she's doing really really well and I'm proud of her.

Is this actually normal ?

It's like she doesn't want to do it at all. I'm afraid a few times when she had her nappy off in the past and wet herself my mum may have scolded her a bit, but I'm not sure if that's actually true.

OP posts:
Mouk · 20/08/2022 17:20

She's not ready. Give it a month or two and try again.

jayhoo · 20/08/2022 17:22

My eldest was potty trained at 18 months, when I say trained they practically did it themselves, hated being in a wet nappy and poo was worse. I just put a potty in the bathroom and bob's your uncle.

Second was just over four, no issues as such just wasn't interested- and was in night time pull-ups for several months after they were dry during the day.

Third about three and as per previous poster, took a couple of weeks

It is all about timing and they're all different

Good luck

hauxwell · 20/08/2022 17:46

My daughter trained at 2.5 last year as did lots of her friends so I can't understand all this about it being too soon. Nursery were onboard and she was dry in a day or so.

Obviously some kids will train earlier or later but suggesting it's too soon for all children is a load of rubbish.

Original poster
jtrai · 20/08/2022 17:50

hauxwell · 20/08/2022 17:46

My daughter trained at 2.5 last year as did lots of her friends so I can't understand all this about it being too soon. Nursery were onboard and she was dry in a day or so.

Obviously some kids will train earlier or later but suggesting it's too soon for all children is a load of rubbish.

Yup, everyone in her preschool is dry pretty much. It's definitely not too early. She may not be ready, but it's not early.

OP posts:
Original poster
jtrai · 20/08/2022 17:56

She just did it again by the way. She felt it coming and touched herself and said ' OH ', so I took her to the potty and she refused to do it and cried. Then she left and a few minutes later she touched herself again and said ' oh ', so I took her again and she did the same thing, as in refused to sit and cried- then tried to put the potty on as a hat..

Yesterday she had one pee all day. She was dry when she woke up this morning and today she's only had two pees. She's definitely drinking. In that time, I've gone to the toilet probably 10 times.... something is not right there.

I've put a nappy back on her, but I'm quite worried she's going to continue trying to hold it. She's sleeping at the moment. Bless her.

OP posts:
Original poster
jtrai · 20/08/2022 17:56

The only positive is that she seems to really know when it's coming... I guess. And she's able to hold it back pretty well when it does come.

OP posts:
SnackSizeRaisin · 20/08/2022 17:57

Stop pressurising her to go and definitely never take her to the potty against her will. She can hold on so she's physically ready but it's easy to put them off. Maybe as well she would prefer the toilet. I would put her back in nappies for a few weeks then start again. Get a toilet seat and step that she can use herself. Get a sticker chart and some sweets. One morning put her in pants and show her the toilet set up and explain that when she need to pee or poo go and do it in the toilet. Get her to sit on the toilet for a decent reward eg a sweet and sticker. Explain that she will get a sticker every time she sits on the toilet and 2 for doing something in it. Then go about your normal day and don't mention it again. If she does sit on toilet give big reward. If not and she wets herself get her to change herself with your help but don't make any particular comment. Most likely you will get a few accidents and then she will work it out. You need to relax and let her learn. You can't force her.

Original poster
jtrai · 20/08/2022 17:59

SnackSizeRaisin · 20/08/2022 17:57

Stop pressurising her to go and definitely never take her to the potty against her will. She can hold on so she's physically ready but it's easy to put them off. Maybe as well she would prefer the toilet. I would put her back in nappies for a few weeks then start again. Get a toilet seat and step that she can use herself. Get a sticker chart and some sweets. One morning put her in pants and show her the toilet set up and explain that when she need to pee or poo go and do it in the toilet. Get her to sit on the toilet for a decent reward eg a sweet and sticker. Explain that she will get a sticker every time she sits on the toilet and 2 for doing something in it. Then go about your normal day and don't mention it again. If she does sit on toilet give big reward. If not and she wets herself get her to change herself with your help but don't make any particular comment. Most likely you will get a few accidents and then she will work it out. You need to relax and let her learn. You can't force her.

I have the toilet thing as well and the chart... I last tried a little bit maybe a month ago...

OP posts:
SnackSizeRaisin · 20/08/2022 17:59

For goodness sake stop taking her to the potty when she doesn't want to. You both need a break!

PeacefulInTheDeep · 20/08/2022 18:04

She sounds just like my DD when we first tried. She could hold it for hours, knew she needed to go, but seemed frightened of letting go. On the third day, after stress levels rising each day, I took the advice of kind MNers and went back to nappies. We put the potty away, didn't talk about it, and took all the pressure off.

2 months later we got home from holiday at 3pm, took her nappy off, showed her the potty (without giving the option of the toilet) and she went without fuss. That was 6 weeks ago, not one accident since, and she's dry at night too. She's just turned 2.5.

My advice would be to take the pressure off and try again in a couple of months. She's learnt a lot, and you haven't lost anything, she's just not quite ready yet.

crochetcrazy1978 · 20/08/2022 18:04

Would lining the potty with a nappy help? Sometimes they don't like the sound or splash back

mathanxiety · 20/08/2022 18:05

I used a book by Nathan Azrin and Richard Foxx, called Toilet Training in Less Than a Day. I found it really great.

There is YouTube video called something like 'Azrin Foxx toilet training method' that you could look at.

If you're able to devote a good bit of time (a few weeks) to priming your child through play activities and conversation beforehand, then a few very intense training days when you don't do much else aside from training (you do not go out to the shops or anywhere else), and you feel gung ho enough to end night time nappies too, I highly recommend the method.

I think your child has absorbed your anxiety around potting, but not the idea that the potty is the place to pee.

I would stop immediately and wait a few months. Toilet training is the first time a parent actively tries to teach a child a new habit and the skills that go with it. It is therefore the first time a parent comes face to face with the fact that the child is a completely separate person. You know this deep down but the full implications become very real as you embark on training. If nothing else, the Azrin and Foxx book and method will give you confidence and a sense that you know what you're doing.

WestIsWest · 20/08/2022 18:09

I also thought the Oh Crap Potty Training book was very good. I agree with PP’s to leave it for a couple of months and try again. I’d put her on the potty very regularly, I think the book might even say every half an hour at first.
I think if you persevere now she’ll just carry on being upset about it. The last thing you want is for her to start holding her poo as well because that can cause all sorts of problems.

lifesnotaspectatorsport · 20/08/2022 18:27

Just to add, my eldest HATED being bare bottomed. As soon as we put him in underwear, he was much more willing to try. I think being naked just felt weird and of course when he'd seen us go he knew that pulling pants down was part of the routine.

I read Oh Crap and was convinced ... had to ditch it completely and change to pants, sitting on the potty with a video or book every hour or so, sticker reward when he went etc. He was 2y 3m.

I've just trained my 2y 7m old twins with same method, they got it in a couple of weeks. I don't think it's early. But after a negative experience (we had a failed attempt at 2 with eldest) I would leave it for a few weeks at least and try a different approach next time. New potty too maybe? The ones that look like mini toilets were a hit with mine.

sammysal · 20/08/2022 18:28

Disagree with all the people saying abandon. It's a big thing to learn and will take a bit of perseverance- more than 2 days. Try and keep stress free but the idea that a child will just get it / not get it after 2 days is a myth. See where you're at in a week. If she's making incremental progress stick with it.

SnackSizeRaisin · 20/08/2022 19:18

This child clearly doesn't need reminding every half hour and I don't think keeping her bare bottomed is likely to be helping either. Unless she's one of those toddlers who likes being naked. She is aware and capable. She just doesn't like something about the process, whether it's being watched, the pressure, being told what to do, the lack of privacy or autonomy. Or the potty itself.
This is being worsened by you trying to force her into the potty - she knows she is disappointing you every time and must be feeling really uncomfortable as well.
You have to put her in charge and stop trying to control her. So just pretend to yourself that she's in nappies until she has actually wee'd. Then either change her or reward her.
But first take a break for a couple of weeks. Then try again with clothes on. Less stressful too as the clothes absorb most of the wee!

Perfect28 · 20/08/2022 19:20

I'm surprised people say this is too young.

SnackSizeRaisin · 20/08/2022 19:21

It's not that she doesn't understand though in this case. That advice is for children who are having accidents, not for those who are so distressed that they refuse to urinate all day. Continuing to apply the same pressure will not make her suddenly feel comfortable to urinate in the potty.

Emelene · 20/08/2022 19:22

Read the Oh Crap potty training book. I disagree that she “isn’t ready” - that book advocates training between 20 and 30 months. It sounds like she can hold her wee well which is a step towards potty training. You sound like you’re both doing a good job.

Dammitthisisshit · 20/08/2022 19:26

It sounds like you’re being lovely and patient with all her accidents, which is great.
but she doesn’t sound ready. When she’s ready it will be much easier.

awwbiscuits · 20/08/2022 19:39

There's a book called Meekoo and the big red potty that my dd loved. We read it (at her request) nightly for weeks - it's got a button to press that makes noise etc. in fact she's 5 now and still sometimes asks for it.

Might be worth reading it to her and seeing if it resonates ?

Original poster
jtrai · 20/08/2022 19:42

awwbiscuits · 20/08/2022 19:39

There's a book called Meekoo and the big red potty that my dd loved. We read it (at her request) nightly for weeks - it's got a button to press that makes noise etc. in fact she's 5 now and still sometimes asks for it.

Might be worth reading it to her and seeing if it resonates ?

Sounds good! She has one, but it doesn't make a sound ! Anything to get her interested. Although part of me fears she knows all about it, but for some reason doesn't want to do it right now. Maybe I pushed too hard and too soon.. she's had her potty since she was 1. I've been talking to her about it for so long. Maybe too long.

OP posts:
PumpkinGhoul · 20/08/2022 19:46

Another thing to try is if your DD is holding in her pee is to try her every hour to go to the loo just tell her potty time not wee or poo time and try and get her to sit on it see if she will happily sit on there for five mins if not try building it up.
Try distractions like books reward chart anything to encourage.
Plenty of potty books with pictures for her even you tube has the princess polly potty training cartoon video that you could watch with her.

If you are still struggling and she's back in nappies every time you need to change her take her to the bathroom to change her nappies if she's had a poo tip it out of nappy and get her to flush the toilet that way she can see for herself what she needs to do.

There's another app worth downloaded on your own phone poo goes to poo land it's an interactive one helps ease anxiety of going to the loo was a godsend for my DS.

awwbiscuits · 20/08/2022 19:47

It's worth giving it a go, I had to try 3 times with her before she 'got' it (and do have issues with withholding now so I feel your pain). But I read this book to her in one of our breaks - which was the last 'break' we had before she got it. So I took the pressure off, and read the book to her, and then she was ready to try again because she wanted to be like meekoo - she could press the buttons while on the toilet so she had the same sounds as well!

Beefilm · 20/08/2022 19:47

I also disagree thar she isn't ready. If she can hold on, she has awareness of what it feels like to need to empty the bladder and has the control to hold it.

Way back when I potty trained mine, I don't recall them being able to do this. Potty training was several days of being on high alert all the time, no clothes on below the waist, a potty to hand at all times, and desperately rushing to get it under the child when I saw signs of them wanting to do something. And yes, lots of accidents, but always some wee in the potty. If anything, it almost sounds as though you have left it longer than you should.

I can't suggest anything that hasn't been said already. I recall generally it was better to move on to the proper toilet as soon as possible, and bribery worked wonders. In my children's case, a chocolate button for every wee in the right place, but you could use any treat that you think might help.

Don't give up! Have you tried maybe weeing with her? You on the loo, her on the potty. Make a game of it, or say something like we'll do a wee together, who can wee first?