Neighbors in our garden in the midst of project site

[unname]

I am in US and we are having a patio installed at our house. It's a process that takes several days - framing, pouring, stamping, polishing and sealing the concrete.

This morning they are pouring the concrete. 5-6 workers in our yard and it is a mess with wet grass, mud, concrete, tools and men working. I looked out 30 minutes ago and saw neighbors wandering around with their coffee, asking questions, standing smack in the middle of the project staging area, in front of tools and equipment, talking to the men.

I was floored! Who does this? I watched thought about it for 5 minutes or so, then told my husband and we agreed I should go speak with them. We are both WFH today and even we don't go out and stand in the middle of the project unless we have a quick question.

By the time I got out there they had walked out into the street, through a small gap in one of our hedges. I told them I was shocked to see people in our yard and to please knock before dong that again. I said "This is a real boundary issue for me."

He said "Well we will be back in an hour to watch them stamp the concrete."
I was just so surprised that they didn't immediately apologize, and continued to feel they had a right to be on our property without permission.

I said "Well no, I would rather you did not."

Would you mind having neighbors just entering your property without asking?

Oh, I would have really raised hell if I didn't previously have good relations with these people.

They are entitled - parking their caravan on the street for months. (there's a time limit). Asking a neighbor if they could hook it up to his electricity (though they could park in front of their own home and user their own power.)

And admittedly a bit nosy. She once told me she sat and watched work going on in our yard from her window for hours with binoculars.

But generally pretty nice.

Now I cannot get the picture out of my head of him marching around talking to the workers like he was in charge. Or of her standing smack in the middle of everything happening with her travel mug, like she was inspecting their work. It seemed dangerous to me given the mud and equipment everywhere.

Totally out of line to interrogate the builders on your time.

Not at the time! Local Busybody and Social Worker. Clearly overworked....

Massive overreaction, maybe it's time to go back into the office

Absolutely, but you’d almost expect builders to have come across similar before, and to be assertive enough to get on with the job at hand?

We were getting our patio redone a few months back and our knobhead neighbour started on the builder saying she didn’t like the way he’d installed the(totally standard and inoffensive) new fence. He just briskly told her to speak to me or DH as he was just carrying out our instructions, and carried on.

That's the perfect response. At my old house I told anyone working for me to tell people similar. But the house was right on the sidewalk with no yard in the front at all, and foot traffic was heavy.

Oh and the guy that owns the company who is running the project was not there at the time this happened. His employees thought these people owned the house because we had not met them.

Received a card through the mail slot yesterday. A page of writing about why they were in the garden and lots of guilt inducing comments, (I’m the only friend she’s made since moving here. She feels chastened, etc) then a short apology. More like “I’m sorry you were upset by this” than an acknowledgement that they were out of line.

I’m annoyed, but will call or drop a note today.

Ah yes, the non-apology apology.

I do hope you've made it very clear that any interaction this neighbour wants to have with the builders must first go through the foreman and be done at the end of the day when you're not paying for their time or services?

I also hope that you didn't let them back when they were stamping the concrete.

It’s no wonder she thinks you are her only friend if this is how they behave.

If you do respond you should say I felt it was very rude to walk up to them in my property and disturb them - while I’m paying for their time, without checking with me first. I would be happy to show you the work and chat about the plans or give you their number had you asked. They are very busy with this project and are working to a timetable on my time and money plus they have equipment etc all over the garden so it’s inappropriate and unsafe to have strangers (to them) in their way.

They aren’t sorry they only want to make you feel guilty for questioning them. IF they were interested in having a similar project in their garden or were looking for good builders for another project then they should have approached you to ask about your project and for the owners number or knocked towards the end of they day and winding down or when they weren’t in the middle of working, and they should have definitely asked you before strolling on to your garden.

It was his shitty entitled reaction that would irk me though, smirky "we'll be back in an hour". No mate, watch from your own property if you're that interested, do not impede the work I'm paying for or interrupt the workmen. If you do this again I'll be billing you for that time. Entitled arseholes!

Like fuck would half of MN allow their neighbours to wander into their gardens as they like to watch building works. Especially when WFH.

The only reason it's suddenly ok is because it's AIBU and it's become custom to find every reason that yes - the OP must be.

Thread after thread on here about not even answering their door without inviting the caller - and suddenly your neighbours can have free reign in your garden - yeah right 🤣

These neighbours literally have no boundaries. You are going to have to put them in their place - in a firm but fair way if you want to maintain a pleasant neighbourly relationship. Agree with Berthatydfil that she wants to make you feel bad for your reaction. Don't feel bad, you have reacted appropriately.

We were having roof work done a few years ago. I went out to speak to the roofer about something and heard talking, only to look up to find one of my neighbours chatting away to him and having a good old nosey on my roof! He was always a bit of a busybody/know-it-all and was obviously so propelled by his nosiness that he forgot his manners and respect for someone else's property. After that incident I maintained a polite but distant relationship as the intrusion really irritated me.

CF - when you respond tell them that if they delay your builders again you will bill her for their time wasted

I tend to agree with this.

You do hear that people are friendlier in the US - have you been there long OP?

YANBU OP. I thought my neighbour was bad. When we were having our roof done, she was constantly out chatting with the builders and making them cups of tea!

It might be a difference in culture but here in Ireland it's quite common for neighbours to appear if there's work going on. When a new house is being built the older men all seem to make a point of wandering around surveying how the bricklayers and plasterers are getting on. Thinking about my own father he sees it as a great thing to be able to see how well the younger generations in the area are doing. Just a different perspective maybe 🤔

I replied to her note via email. Here's my reply to the original note. Her note was very long and so was my reply.

*Thank you for the kind note. We do understand your interest in our patio project and are so glad you’ve found the right company now after so much legwork. We spoke with many companies and received several estimates prior to choosing XYZ concrete and we do highly recommend the company.

I truly appreciate the apology. I get the sense you may not recognize that it is not unusual or unfriendly, in our experience, to expect that good neighbors and friends exercise respect with regard to entering one another’s space. I do wish you had called or knocked to ask if you could come watch; we would have invited you over!

It was a shock to see people standing right in the midst of this chaos created by mud, men and equipment in our very torn up yard. I am sure it didn’t feel like it at the time, but it was not safe and it did interfere with the work the men were doing. They thought you must be the home owners because we had stayed out of the way and only communicated with Dan as needed.

After having explained myself clearly, I was particularly shocked to hear your DH tell me exactly what time he planned to again traipse through my hedge and into my yard without permission or invitation. I’m sorry if I could have handled that shock better.

Our garden is an extension of our home, with a wide view into the kitchen where I spend most of my time. I cannot imagine how changed it would be if everyone we know felt at ease entering that space whenever they wished.

It was not my intent to make you feel chastened or sad, merely a need to communicate boundaries and set expectations. For me these are the foundation of great relationships. It certainly was not a friendship ending event for me. I do really like you a great deal and am so glad we know one another.

I would like to put this behind us and hope you agree.

All the best,
Unname*

Also found out her husband was in our yard on Wednesday, too! He was talking to the neighbor behind us, then said "I am going to take a look!" and popped through the hedge. Neighbor said he avoids them whenever possible at this point, for a number of reasons. He said "They have no boundaries!!"

Gosh you sound very dramatic OP

You were 'floored' were you?

You're having a patio laid it's not a bloody project and the neighbours came for a quick nose.

I can't imagine how you deal with serious issues.

They were out of order.
hopefully your note has done the trick

I am from US. It varies by area but it's really not normal anywhere to wander around other people's property without permission. We have all these guns, you know!

Even my close friends would have just texted or knocked.

We are frequently in this area barely dressed.
Yeah, not when the builders are out there, so hardly relevant.

I am! 😂

Semantics. It started last Wednesday and is still not done. It's involved digging up the garden and moving a number of large shrubs and plants. Our lawn has nasty ruts and dead grass in it now from the equipment they used so will be months of getting it back to the way we want it. I call that a project.

I am avoiding more serious issues to focus on keeping cheeky neighbors from treating my garden like a public park. 😂

I totally agree. But based on the exchanges we have had, I think they might have decided that any time they want to see something on our property they can wander over and check it out.

We have a ton of flowers, trees, a small fountain. What's to stop them from "We wanted to see the fountain because we are going to get one!"

Other neighbor said she's picked his flowers without asking. And not in a spot you can reach from the street or sidewalk.