To be so annoyed this kid didn’t say thank you.

[Lennon80]

So my son age 12 been hanging about with a kid who all the other parents don’t let their child hang out with - I’ve let him meet up with him this week and today was taking them to this trampoline type place that was 17 quid per kid. I drove him paid him in and dropped him home and as he got out of the car he didn’t say thank you. I’m now thinking he’s very bad mannered and don’t want my son hanging about with him. So how would you feel - basic manners not observed surely a bad sign? He’s not shy at all so no issue there.

I would guess that he hasn't been brought up to say please and thank you, so not really his fault, but his parents'. His comment about being colour blind was just rude, and on that basis, I would discourage his friendship with your son.

he may very well turn into a nice young man. But OP’s son is probably still scared of him, he may think that he has to keep on his good side to avoid being bullied again, how is that the basis of a friendship? Bullying often has long term effects on self esteem and I don’t think encouraging a child to have a relationship with someone who they are scared of is a good idea. It’s also not the OP’s son’s job to rehabilitate anyone. You can absolutely acknowledge that people change and we aren’t who we were maybe 2yrs ago or 10 years ago but you can do that whilst not wanting to be around someone who caused you great upset.

As an adult if someone bullied me then turned around and was nice to me a year later I wouldn’t want to hang out with them. This would indicate poor self esteem and boundaries. It is our job as parents to teach children forgiveness but also to teach them that they don’t have to prioritise making someone else comfortable at their own expense. I as a parent have my own boundaries and no child who ever bullied my kid would cross the threshold of my house.

This isn’t about the kid forgetting to say thank you, I would expect better but I wouldn’t take it too seriously and probably shout “thank you Ms rinatinabina for taking me out” after him. It’s about bullying. I would honestly struggle to see any kid who in any way intentionally harmed my child emotionally or physically as lovely tbh, if that makes me mean so be it. She is my priority, always her, that doesn’t mean I don’t care about other children I do, but the red line will always be her wellbeing.

If it was a one-off then you might excuse it but it's part of a pattern of behaviour. I have autism and sometimes I might forget to say thank you at the right time purely because I'm overwhelmed with everything that's going on and whatever has brought up that need for a thank you is a surprise (i.e. when a woman gave me her car park ticket to use and I wasn't expecting it - I had to wind down my window a few seconds later to shout thanks to her across the car park because it took me that long to sort my head out). But if you've been taught manners (which sadly so many children these days haven't so it seems) then you know that there are specific times to say it, even if you have autism. Your brain says 'this situation = a thank you' It's learned behaviour and if you have autism then most of the time (i.e. not 'classic' autism but Asperger's) you pick it up because it's a routine that you get into. And people with autism are good with routines!
Everything OP has posted says there's no SN, just a rude boy. Maybe he hasn't been taught, but he should at that age have picked it up himself. There's a reason other parents avoid him...

The lack of thank you wouldn't bother me. In fact I find it quite cringy sometimes when a kid skips off happily after having a great day at ours and the parent stands there ,calls them back and do the whole what do you say routine, kid with blank face and wondering wtf and then the inevitable spelling it out "say thank you to x". Repeat next time.

Asking for a drink wouldn't bother me either .

Being rude to staff and refusing to come off would and I would've told him off at the time. It would also make me reconsider the friendship and I'd have a chat with my kid about expectations and what's appropriate and what isn't.

N9rmally kindness is something you do to be k8nd, not to get a load of back pats off the Internet. Poor kid.

We'll sort of, but there's nothing poor about this kid. He acted like a total brat to the staff as well as op.
The lack of thank you was the least of it.
But then why anyone would bring their child's bully on a day out in the first place is a complete mystery to me.

How long should op wait around for this to happen, exactly? It was hardly a promising start; cheeking the leisure centre staff.

@Johnnysgirl stopping her kid being friends with him isn't going to benefit anyone, is it.

Sounds like it'll benefit her son.

@Johnnysgirl to lose a friend he enjoys spending time with?

And for all his other friends to hear that his moms allowed to pick his friends?

I do find it slightly bizarre how het up people can get over one missing thank you. Yes it’s slighty rude but it’s a child and doesn’t mean they haven’t been brought up well.
I remember as a child forgetting to say thank you after having a lift off a friend and my friends mum banned me from ever having a lift off them again! I was mortified! I was a quiet child that hated getting it wrong. Always tried to be polite and had been brought up with good manners. I just didn’t think or forgot that time. I think we can be a bit harsh on kids. They are still learning even at 12!

I’d feel a bit uneasy too. At 12, a simple “thank you” should be there, especially after lifts and paying in. It’s not about the money, just manners. I wouldn’t judge him on one incident alone, but with other parents already wary, it would definitely make me more cautious.

I’d feel a bit put off too, basic manners like saying thank you are important at that age. One incident doesn’t define a child, but it’s reasonable to take note and be cautious. Keeping an eye on the friendship or limiting contact isn’t an overreaction.

What the hell were you searching for to go and revive a thread that is more than 3 years old?

I’d feel the same at 12, basic manners like saying thank you matter. One incident isn’t proof he’s a bad kid, but it’s a red flag. I’d be cautious and keep an eye on the friendship.

Now you know why he’s like this.

I was out shopping yesterday and saw a couple of kids kids throw things from the shop on the floor and both times the parents saw didn’t even ask the kid to pick it up or to pick it up for them. Grim.

I expect the OP is over it after 3 and a half years!

should have read the date of message. So don’t worry about all the tags to say it’s an old thread! I know now!

It might just be his parents have never taught him
about manners and I know 12 is old enough to know but whenever another parent gave my child a lift somewhere or he went on a playdate, i’d always say make sure you remember to say thank you when you’re dropped off. Also, I’d always message the parent myself to say thanks for having him etc. I was proud when one dad said your son is very well mannered. Sometimes they need prompting.

Personally I wouldn’t hold it against the child but he definitely should have thanked you for taking him.