To be so annoyed this kid didn’t say thank you.

[Lennon80]

So my son age 12 been hanging about with a kid who all the other parents don’t let their child hang out with - I’ve let him meet up with him this week and today was taking them to this trampoline type place that was 17 quid per kid. I drove him paid him in and dropped him home and as he got out of the car he didn’t say thank you. I’m now thinking he’s very bad mannered and don’t want my son hanging about with him. So how would you feel - basic manners not observed surely a bad sign? He’s not shy at all so no issue there.

I would feel exactly the same! I gave each child in my class a present at the end of the year and 4/30 said thank you 😳 Bad manners drive me insane. Most children with poor manners have never had them modelled to them by their parents and it sounds like this is the case with the boy as his parents never thanked you either. It would be a shame for you to end your son's friendship with him over this though if your son is fond of him. Just keep giving him a big YOU'RE WELCOME until he learns to thank you.

I would be very upfront but that's the teacher in me.
"I hope you have had a good day with Fred. You need to say thank you now." Then a teacher look until he does.

My DD once had a friend round. I said the same, always had a thank you after that.

Lack of manners annoys me too.

However I assume he learnt it from his parents. As even at 12 if I had the contact details for the parents I would absolutely message say Thankyou for taking them and I hope they were polite/well behaved etc.

If I didn't have the details I'd be saying to my own child, 'did you say Thankyou' and ensuring they knew they needed to.

I would have called after him, "can I get a thank you!?"

Adhd doesn’t make you bad mannered! I’ve got three kids diagnosed and they are super polite!!

Yes I think you can tell him your expectations of polite behaviour e.g. also not to backchat the staff because it's rude. Just in a matter of fact way.

I've had this plenty of times over the years. Never get a thank you from the parents either - I'd only want a quick text.

I don't hold it against the kids - esp when dropped back and say I'll just see you in, make sure Mum's home etc. Then it's a no don't worry she's out, I've got a key!

Righty ho then!

I'll send pics if have taken of both kids, nope not a dicky bird.

Can't do anything about it really.

I don’t think it would bother me to be honest.

Well his rudeness and lack of manners would definitely make me discourage my ds from hanging out with him. Now you know why other parents are doing the same. There's probably bad behavior linked to him too.

the fact that your son used to be scared of him would have him on my banned list tbh. I absolutely would not be entertaining a child who scared my kid at any point. At 12 I knew to say “thank you for having me”.

He's not been taught. I think you're being a bit naive expecting him to be perfect Peter with you when you know what he's like.

Kids take people for granted. They're kids.

Even adults forget their manners sometimes. Bad day .... stressed etc.

Have you never done anything rude?

Being blunt you’ve taken your sons bully on a playdate and are now shocked at his manners? Never ever take him anywhere again, explain to your son that if someone is an arsehole it doesn’t matter if they start being nice to you they are still an arsehole.

Agree it’s annoying but everything you’ve said suggests that he hasn’t been brought up to know any better and I do feel a bit sorry for him. If you think he’s likely to be a bad influence on your son or get him into trouble, though, then of course you don’t have to take him out again.

I would assume it wasn't reinforced in him to say thank you so that's down to his parents. You said his mum has ur number and also hasn't even msgd to say thanks so clearly there's your answer. I wouldn't take him him to anywhere expensive again I hate rudeness. Even though it's probably not his fault more his upbringing.

And your only issue is that he didn't say thank you?

If you had an issue with every child who forgot to say "thank you" when leaving the car, your child would have no friends

Yes this! What was going through your head when you decided the school bully should now be mates with your ds? Trying to buy ds some safety perhaps???

He behaved badly in more than one way. I would not take him out again and he wouldn’t be invited over. He sounds very unpleasant.

Lack of manners is one thing. Rudeness to adults that you have described is another thing entirely.

It doesn’t always but can do. I have two, ones super polite, everyone comments on what a lovely polite boy he is, the other often forgets and has to be reminded several times a day. Both brought up exactly the same.

Not his fault. Brought up by I’ll mannered parents, doesn’t know any better.

if you are going to be miffed, be miffed at his parents

I’d be annoyed too. Even if his parents haven’t taught him to say Thankyou he should surely know by his age that a quick thanks is polite…..isn’t he taught that at school if not at home?

Yes - I agree! I’ll be saying this tomorrow!

This is on the parents. Some people don't place a lot of value on manners.

I'm a childminder & have some lovely parents with really rude children. Some are naturally polite, others need a lot of work. Even after years, some are very polite with me then horrible to their parents & parents are willing to put up with it & therefore enable it.

I don't think his joke sounds like proper backchat to me. I would keep an eye on it. It can be difficult to sustain & nurture dc friendships when there's no connection with the parents ime & that's with supportive parents. Those with extra struggles would be more difficult, particularly if their son is often excluded. Perhaps send a message like ' thanks for letting ds join us today-hope he enjoyed himself 😁'. You'll know plenty by the response or lack thereof.

Good luck

I’d kill this friendship off by making your son very busy until school returns. I’d have a chat with your son about standards, boundaries and expectations of friendships. The track record of this boy towards your son and you is not good, and your kindness is not being appreciated.